Nothing much new to report today. I slept very well last night. That's funny because sleep disturbance is the #1 side effect. I did take Trazodone and neurontin before bed too, but that didn't keep me asleep before I started LDN. So although they may help, I still believe that the LDN is making the real difference. I woke up after 8 hours of sound sleep and didn't have the rush of endorphins. It was a nice, gentle awakening. I tried to lay in bed, but eventually the endorphins kicked in and I had to get up.

Physical symptoms are contiuning to be improved. Not going away entirely, but not getting worse. Although I did have a visual problem yesterday. I made myself go mow for about 3-1/2 hours. After I came in and took a shower I went online and had trouble seeing. My vision was blurred. It was probably from the heat. It's notable that the LDN did not affect this manifestation. If it's caused by nerve damage that would make sense. LDN doesn't reverse damage. It just modulates the immune system so that progression is slowed and helps reduce inflamation. I see a neurologist today.

I woke up early this morning from a sound sleep  because I drank a lot of water before bed. I had slept about 4 hours, and was able to go back to sleep, but not good quality. I kept feeling numbness and tingling in hands due to sleep position. I took Neurontin before bed, so nerve pain shouldn't have been bothering me so much. I felt a gentle, gradual increase in endorphins this morning as it became close to time to get up. I didn't take the LDN until 12:30am.  I think the 1.5mg dose is sufficient for now. My levels stayed up all day yesterday even tho' I was up late. I'm very encouraged. I was able to fall asleep without Trazodone.

I still tire very easily, but I spontaneously do things that used to take a lot of mental and physical effort. I am frustrated that the lawn needs mowing, but I can't be out in that heat working. It will make me really sick.

Before starting LDN I had lost most of the will to live. I was so weakened by stress that my body just couldn't handle it anymore. People commit suicide over just one or two of the things I'm enduring, so I think I've been really strong. But  stress will take it's toll. I found myself in a vicious catch 22.  cycle. The problems in my life were just too much to cope with, I was completely overwhelmed, and too totally exhaused physically and mentally, to address them.
Then came the withdrawl and all of the stress that puts on the body.

So I had a lot going on. I was asking a lot of myself and trying to live up to unreasonable expectations. It's still a great struggle to allow myself the indulgence of rest and healing because the problems are still there. But I'm starting to accept, and am starting to feel better and my mental outlook is improving. I still have mood swings, but now at least there's somewhere to go besides up. I was so low before that any more down would have been dead. I can at least cry sometimes and get some relief that way. I feel like I may still have a long way to go, but I'm starting to think like I might make it.

Physical symptoms continue to be improved. The numbness and tingling is still in my feet, and face, but much better. I still feel wierd along my left side, but not as bad. It comes and goes during the day. The glands in my throat are almost normal and sore throat is better too. I've lost 6 lbs since starting LDN, but it's probably water and coincidental to my monthly cycle. I do notice a compulsion to drink water and my appetite isn't very good. I have to remember to eat.

I lowered my dose to 1.5 last night to see if it would help with anxiety. I slept pretty well without trazodone, but I had taken Buspar and Vistaril earlier for anxiety. I never thought the Buspar was helping with anxiety, but now I'm not sure. I didn't take if for a a couple of days, so I don't know it the anxiety is from that or strictly the LDN. I felt a little better when I woke up. but still felt a little bit of anxiety. The intensity of the endorphin effect is lower today. It's interesting that the natural endorphins don't give the euphoria like opiate drugs. I never got anxiety from taking my meds.

The little anxiety escalated when I discovered my daughter had turned the temp down on the thermostat and the air ran all night. That shut down the compressor and the house was getting HOT. I can't stand the heat. Then I paid bills and saw  $30 in ring tones on my phone bill...daughter again. THEN I opened the front door to check the temp outside and a very young woodchuck came in. He got away and ran under the dishwasher. I'm afraid he'll die under there behind the cabinets. Anxiety is fairly high, but no full blown panic attack. GOOD. I'm calming down. Just had to rant.

Caught the woodchuck and put him outside. Whew. Anxiety better now.

Physical symptoms are not as muted as they were yesterday. I woke up with numbness and the wierd heaviness in my left side. Still, an improvement since starting LDN. I don't feel quite as fatigued as I have previously either. Any time I feel anxious it just drains me, but I didn't wake up that way this morning. I was tired the first time I woke up, but just sleepy tired, not exhausted.

I have had a little generalized anxiety today.  I had energy, but I still felt fatigued. A friend came to visit and I could hardly sit still, started feeling a little agitated talking with her. Nothing wrong with her or what she was saying, I was just stirred up. This is kind of how antidepressants made me feel. I don't like it. I'm thinking I might decrease my dose back from 2.5 to 2mg and see if it helps.

I don't know if it's just because I'm so in a rut of feeling lethargic that having energy is uncomfortable. If I wanted to do something I probably have the energy to do it, but I still don't have any motivation. This just isn't feeling good. I'm still under a lot of stress though, and maybe that's part of it. I'm more mentally alert, but things are in so much turmoil that I'd rather not be able to think about them.