Signs and symptoms
There are many variable symptoms associated with fibromyalgia, but the condition almost always starts with chronic widespread pain and pain upon palpation in particular areas called “tender points.” Most people with fibromyalgia also have some degree of chronic fatigue and interrupted sleep.
Other common symptoms include:

Body stiffness, especially in the morning and with prolonged sitting
Depression and anxiety (may coexist)
Difficulty sleeping
Difficulty concentrating, memory lapses
Headaches
Painful menstruation
Parasthesia (numbness and tingling in hands and feet)
Those affected may also experience:

Chest pain, irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath
Constipation
Diarrhea
Difficulty swallowing
Dizziness, balance problems
Dry eyes, difficulty focusing
Dry mouth
Gas and cramping, abdominal pain
Heartburn
Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
Itchy, dry, or blotchy skin
Localized edema (such as swollen fingers)
Neurally mediated hypotension (blood pressure that lowers when standing)
Painful sexual intercourse
Pelvic pain
Restless legs syndrome and periodic limb movement during sleep
Rhinitis consisting of nasal congestion/discharge and sinus pain (but no allergic immune response)
Sensitivity to light, sound, touch, temperature, and odors
Sensitivity to medications (more likely to have side effects)
Temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMD), pain in jaw joints and surrounding muscles
Urinary frequency, urge, and irritation
Fibromyalgia can and does co-exist with many other chronic illnesses such as chronic fatigue syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis, Sjögren’s syndrome, thyroid disease, multiple sclerosis, and lupus. The symptoms of these conditions may be mingled with those associated with fibromyalgia, making diagnosis more of a challenge.

well, its 5:31
intenseity of pain seemse to have diminished somewhat, am so tired I cant even read anything let alone keep writing.  Anyway, were gunna give the bed a whirl......................

I am feeling very thankfull right now.  I am not sure why.  I am exhausted and rather angry with the world right now because I have been in super high breakthru pain state since I LEANED OVER TO TURN DOWN THE VOLUME. last night at 10. So not cool of my body to do that to me.  Especially when people are here and I am barely holding on pain wise as it is.
I felt so bad last night.  we had planned for them to come over yesterday for like 2 weeks, and I felt so gross, I only slept 2 hours the night before that. (BTW I hate my Dr. and the insurance company for not approving the medications my Dr. prescribed to me for 2 weeks.  Forcing me to use the samples in the Dr. office and keep their little drug dealing game going for them.  
  It makes me feel like they OWN me.  make no mistake that giant box of bottles is as effective a ball and chain as there ever was.  I feel like the pharma companies are just Giant drug dealers, but they get payed like 400 times more than any drug dealer I have ever known in my life.  Now granted I have not known many, but still...

but I digress from my rant on the evil pushers that wrap their poison in fluffy clouds and call in (better-ify)

but anyway

so, I feel like I freaked my friend out because I was all "painbrainy" and loud and jumpy and general full of adrenaline.
I have no way to explain to people that I can actually see the flash of frustration across their faces when I am like that.
They don't understand I cannot be a friend to them and be on enough meds to make that go away.  I go away when I am on enough meds to do that.  And quite frankly, adding a new 90 dollar script every few months isn't really my thang.  there is a reason I didn't know a lot of drug dealers in my life.
Who wants to take handfulls of ouchy to the tummy and general state of being pills everyday, like 6 times a day? any takers?? no, yeah, didn't think so.

you know what the difference between medicine and poison is?

not much.

But back to being thankful.  I am so glad I discovered this medhealth.  There are actually real people in chronic pain here, not just people trying to troll your posts to get info to drug seek.  This is the first online place I have found where I have found so many people's posts that make me think, "OMG, maybe I am not as crazy from this as I thought I was"
for that I am
SO THANKFUL
So thank you guys!

Sorry, I am supposed to be mindful right now, but I lost it, it got away from me.
I am supposed to be anry right now
But I know I shouldn't be
should should should should
should should should should
should should.
is all my brain will tell me.

even the ones who understand cannot, or willnot,

I listen to monks and sages chanting all day.
I seek peace all day
its a slippery ribbon that slides through my fingers EVERY DAY.
And you are going to say to me "why don't you go downstairs and make dinner"?


well, buddy, I love you more than anyone else on this planet, and I have given you willingly much much more of my real self than I am ever really comfortable with.
But even you will say that when I have a sleep attack after not sleeping for 4 days.
and it makes me want to rip my limbs off and beat myself and the stupid wench who ran the redlight senseless.
but I can't.

Because you might feel better later, but I won't.
Because you can help, but not when you need help.

I SHOULD be able to listen to meditations and mantras and yoga and chant and breath and be able to beat this.
But it has again bested me.
So I will go cry in the pit of candles and despair I have built in the room next door.

I will feel bad when I want to rage against this machine.
I will feel guilty for listening to angry chick rock from 1990,
when I SHOULD be able to deal with it.
But I cannot and will not just stuff it down inside of me again.

The geyser of tingling anger and rushing blood is to faithful.
She is my new constant, I am the satellite, and pain is her orbit.
Round and round and round, circling the drain
in an ever lasting, never ending,
eliptical orbit of doom.

Slurp, slurp, as I circle the drain.
You don't have to push me, you can leave it to my brain.

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