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Just a quick note to say hi!
You deserve a big bear hug!
You're in my thoughts all the time, but especially today.
Thank you for everything!
Welcome to our community!
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hope you feel better soon!
Congratulations! Time for a celebration...
Happy Birthday!
Avatar universal
10/09
Eileen I am going to finish this in a message,look for it Okay
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Avatar universal
10/09
Eileen,You dont ever have to be sorry with me for anything you do.I will never judge you and if there is something that will help you get a quality of life that is better then you have now,I want you to take it.A muscle relaxer is not a relapse,please dont worry about that.Its not an opiate and you will be fine.I am happy to hear you got a good nights sleep out of it,hope it helps to ease he pain as well.Its time we both got better news about our conditions,Mine I hope comes on the 9th when I meet with the surgeon,and yours when you get the results of all your blood work.That sleep study sounds great,a mini vacation,where you do nothing but sleep,sign me up.Mind sharing a room LOL.
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Avatar universal
09/09
Honestly Eileen,I really think if I start again,I wont be able to stop.I would lose so much.My wife cant go through that again ,and I cant let my kids do it either.I would  lose the friendship of someone named Eileen who means so much to me,because I wouldnt be able to face her anymore.She is a woman who day in and day out is in more pain then I am and she has resisted everything that would make it tolerable.I stopped taking my Suboxone just so the Drug would get me high,thats how much I wanted it.But as soon as I got home,I took my dose.I made it this time,but dont know if the next time I will also,after surgery I will really have a test,I hope I can do it,with support from you it really makes me try.Thank you Eileen for all you have done for me
Much love and hugs
Nick
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eileen
I had the discogram today,and have to tell you It hurt like hell.I never felt so much pain in my back before.They went to each level and injected each disc with a contrast,causing so much pressure to replicate your pain,so they cant numb me up before hand,I have to tell them how bad it hurts and where.Out of 4 levels only one did not hurt,3 almost sent me off the table,as did the time they hit a nerve with the needle.It took about 2 hours of agony then I had  a CT Scan.
After they wheeled me back to recovery,thye asked me how I felt and told them still in a lot of pain.They said they would give me a shot of Dilaudid,and my eyes lit up.I looked at my wife,saw the look in her eyes,and told them ,no,I will be okay.I couldnt do that to her again.
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Avatar universal
09/09
But she doesnt want her girls growing up with an alcoholic like we did.I never like him to begin with and wish she would leave him.He doesnt pay any attention to the kids,seems to me like he only cares about himself and thinks being loaded every night is ok.He came over here the other night to see the kids and I could tell he had been drinking,I didnt want to let him in,but my wife told me to calm down.So she has to decide what to do,cant stay with us forever,right?please say yes,lol.At least Rachel has stopped throwing her toys in the toilet,but she is still hell on wheels.but so very cute.
Taking it easy today watching the Michigan game,so will be a lzy weekend.
Hope you have a good one,and will talk to you later
Bye Eileen,big hug
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Avatar universal
09/09
another thing I am worried about is how high my tolerance level is now,and hope they give me enoight to be effective.I dont think they would give me 900 mg of oxy like I use to take,LOL..My wife reads a lot of Chopa books,I wish i could read the one you are but I would be reading the same page all day,I just cant focus on what i am reading.This head fog is really starting to make me crazy.Glad to hear you had physical therapy at your house,is this a regular thing?I am still going to mine,doesnt really help but doing it makes me feel like I am trying to do something about the pain.Was going 3 x a week but my insurance will only pay for so many visits so we cut it to 2 x.
My sister and the kids are still here,she is really torn as to what to do.
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eileen
It has to be so hard for you to be housebound and not being able to do things you want to .I give you so much credit for hanging in there.At least I can get out and walk or whatever but Im limited to how much I can do.i go for a discogram on Tuesday and that will help them to zero in on what is causing the most pain.I then have an appt on the 9th to discuss this with him and surgery should shortly after that.I should start weaning down soon on the suboxone,but I have to be honest I am nervous about getting the pain meds again.I dont know if it will hook me again so will probaly go back on the Suboxone when the pain subsides,I really dont trust myself.
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Avatar universal
09/09
Eileen.... great to hear from you,you know I need my Eileen fix.Im so sorry that you are still in so much pain and that you still have no energy,was hoping that would be helped by stopping that one medication.Maybe the rheumatist can find a way to make things more tolerable,you just have to keep positive.We are going to beat this together.I am still the same,pain,always tired,brain fog,and restless leg syndrome.Tuesday I go for a discogram so that hey can zero in on the discs giving me the most problems.When I go for surgery I will hhave o be off the Suboxone,otherwise any post op pain meds will not work,so hopefully I can wean off with no problems,and go back on after.Company is still here ,I will tell you more tomorrow.
Thanks for writing sweetie
Love and hugs
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eileen,havent heard from you hope all is well and you are up and about and just so busy you  dont have the time to write,and that your energy level is way up now that you are off that one med.
Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you
Nick
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Avatar universal
09/09
Sorry for giving you a book to read,lol,But havent had my Eileen Fix for a few days and was going through withdrawal,which was worse then my oxy withdrawal.Eileen you are a fix that I dont want to give up.
I hope your weekend was great despite the heat,and that you are up and out and about with all of your new found energy,which I wish you could transfer some to me,because this kid is wearin gout the little energy I do have.
Does massage help your pain at all,my P/T/ therapist suggested it might help my back.when ever they mention something I think of you and hope it could help as well
I feel so much better now that I have had my fix,so will talk to you later
Thinking of you,crazy about you,and sending you many hugs and a xo
Nick
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Avatar universal
09/09
I appreciate your kind words of joy about my new Dr..It took 9 yrs but finally have a reason to be hopeful.Pain is pain and my pain is no worse then yours ,we both suffer with it 24/7 and it eats at me just as yours does to you.So  please dont diminish yours in any way,I know what you go through and it is hell.Im still waiting for them to set up the discogram and ctscan.
My sisters husband is being a jerk s always,saying there is no problem amd its all in her head.I am trying to tell her the way I see it but she is so confused as to what to do,and he was over here yesterday to see he kids.I refuse to be in the same room as him,as I have never been a fan of his.I dont know how much longer she will be here,but my other sister tried talking to her last night,and hopefully it will sink in
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Avatar universal
09/09
I loved your story about the toilet bowl water,that was hilarious.What is it with 2 yo and the toilet,I have tom padlock all our toilets to keep her from throwing her toys in there.Belive me Eileen i would take 3 rachels over your mother-in -law any day{sorry if I offended you},but anybody willing to stick a pin in her eye rather then see her I doubt would be offended,LOL.
Hope you got the Ac fixed,I wish I could send you some of our fall weather,to help you cool off,it has been beautiful the last few days.
how are you feeling ?do you have any more energy now that you have stopped that one medication.I sure hope getting rid of that one has made it better for you,you sure deserve it.
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Avatar universal
09/09
I bought her a big lolipop and that made her happy for about 3 minutes,I left them sitting on a bench and went to get something to drink,I started back and they were all starting to walk towards the next ride.I saw the lolipop was gone and aske dmy wife what happened to it,she didnt know.I asked Rachel and she said she put it down on the bench,and someone sat on it.I looked back to where they were sitting and saw a bench full of people sitting there and didnt have the heart to go over there and tell one of them they were sitting on a lolipop.
I loved you idea about filming her,but would go broke buying film,its non stop with her,what a character she is.
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Avatar universal
09/09
and my oldest watched over them,she is an excellent swimmer,and of course i kept them in my sights.they stayed close to shore looking for shells .It was a fun day and yesterday we took them to the boardwalk and they rode some rides and played some of the games.I won my wife a stuffed Cat by propelling frogs on to a lily pads floating in a pool.You hit down on a levr and the frogs fly off. Rachel played by her own rules threw her juice cup into the pool,actually almost got in on the lily pad,but the guy running the thing wasnt amused.i apoligized and off we went to torment others.She liked riding the little roller coaster,but refused to get off once it was over,so again I apoligized to the man and picked her up and out.
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eileen
sorry for not writing to you for a couple of days.I have been on only sporadicly as there has been a lot going on here with all company we are having.My other sister decided to come for the weekend with her husband and 3 kids.That is the problem with living a block from the ocean,people think its a bed and breakfast,and that we are always open.So needless to say it made for a very crowded and LOOOOOOOOOONG weekend.Thank god the weather was beautiful in the 70s and sunny.At least they didnt have to stay in the house and this time of the year the beach is empty which makes for a good time there.
The only negative there are no lifeguards so the kids need to stay close to shore.The water was calm,only small waves so we put water wings on the little ones
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Avatar universal
09/09
Just a lot going on here,with school just starting ,wife is real busy this time of year with her class and getting to know her kids,she always brings work home as well.My father in law with the alzheimers,me with withdrawal,cats running around,toys in the toilet,its chaos,LOL.Just one big happy family.It does get crazy at meal time though,this one doesnt like that,that one doesnt like this,and if rachel doesnt like something it is airborne,lol.And they want to know why I am depressed,LOL.
Eileen,thanks for the note,always thinking of you and what a good friend you are
Hang in there,talk to you tomorrow
Nick
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Avatar universal
09/09
Eileen its good to get out but if you are like me you just dont have the energy,I really hope that by cutting that one medication it will help you to get it back.You have to look at that as a positive.We have to take all the positives we can these days.I agree with you about my brother in law,its a part of the trade he is in,they open a bottle when they have the employee meal before they open ,then have bottle sopen during service and then open another one when they have finished serving.So he is drinking from the moment he gets in.But my sister has to curb it for the kids especially with us growing up with an alcoholic mother,she knows what it was like and does not want her kids to go through it.So I dont know what is going to happen there.She is welcome here as long as she needs to be
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eileen,
Glad to hear from you,always need my Eileen fix every day.It kills me when I see a dr and he is looking over my history and sees 9 plus yrs of back pain and drug dependency and all the other ****,and then says I see you are depressed,whys that?What a joke,they are suprised,!I see you had some company of your own,that must have been nice :),lol Constant complainers are the worst,I give you credit,but I will take my terrible 2 over that any day,lol.I just wish she would stop throwing her toys in the toilet.Its funny you mentioned throwing bottles because this kid has a hell of an arm,flinging her bottles and her juice cup s around.It was good to hear you got out of the house and met your friend for a trip to the mall.
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Avatar universal
09/09
Bottom line,he thinks he can do surgery to help me,he talked about disc replacement or a possible 3or 4 disc fusion.I have to have a discogram and a ct scan in order for him to get a better read on just what discs are giving me the most problems.I have a shifting disc,multiple bulging ones and a lot of bone spurs and scar tissue .So i was hopeful leaving there that this nightmare might finally end.I know i will not be perfect but any relief I get would be welcome.Then another slow ride home and i am still feeling it this morning.
I hope that you are doing okay,i know better than to say great,because we both know those days dont happen.
Company is STILL here,LOL,but she is getting better,maybe I am getting delirious,but it seems she has mellowed some:)
Always thinking of you
Nick
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eileen,How are you doing today?sorry i didnt check in yesterday,had a long day,and a painful one.Had an appt with a spine surgeon in New York yesterday,and an hr drive was 3 hrs due to the traffic getting into Manhattan.I cant sit to long before the pain gets to the brutal stage and that ride was brutal.Dont mind traffic as long as you are moving even a little,but that dead stop stuff makes me crazy.Dont know how people do it everyday.We brought my xrays that I had taken a month ago with us as well as my latest MRI.The Dr looked at the xrays and asked if they had been done in a medical office,because they were lousy,he couldnt see to the bottom of my spine,so he had us get new ones there.That took 2 hrs,and I admit they were a LOt better.
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Avatar universal
09/09
hiding the tv remotes is always funny to her and she is a parrot and repeats everything she hears and now says S*** when she falls or does something wrong,got that one from me,i am in the doghouse for that,LOL.But she is so dam cute,shes lucky she has that going for her,imppossible to get mad at her.
But we are all one big happy family,LOL,hope they leave soon :)
Hang in there gorgeous,thinking of you and praying you get some relief
Talk to you later
Nick
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Avatar universal
09/09
He works as a chef in a restaurant in New York so is surrounded by wine and booze.They always open a bottle after dinner service and so he is drinking every night,sometimes more then one bottle.He thinks its normal and my sister is tired of him coming in at 2 in the morning plastered.He then is to hung over to dp anything with the kids and he goes back to work and its like that all week.Only day off is Sunday and he opens a bottle of wine around noon and finishes it and falls asleep.So I dont know whats going to happen.Meanwhile they are with us and that 2 yo is getting worse every day,lol.terribles twos indeed.Something MY kids never had :).If she is not eating out of the cats dish she is chasing him all over the house,throwing her toys in the toilet constantly
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eileen;sorry to hear about your fall and happy that you weren hurt,all you need is to have a back ache right,lol.I feel your frustration and hope that your faking feeling better today worked.I do know what you7 mean,I always say Im fine now even though I am in agony,because Im sure people are tired of hearing it.But we have to be honest with ourselves and sometimes that means venting,shouting,crying or whatever it takes and tough **** to those who dont want to hear it.Thats my rant for the day.LOL
YES!!! our company is still here.they have been talking but it seems he doesnt think he is the problem,and she doesnt want the kids to be around somebody who is drunk everynight,especislly if it is their father.
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Avatar universal
09/09
I thank you for the congrats on 70 days clean.I was talking to someone on here and they said that they got Suboxone from a friend and was snorting it and getting a high.I told her that was crazy and that it is still an opiate,and that she is still using .Then I thought I am doing the same thing,I just substituted one opiate for another.I may be off the oxy but am still taking opiates in my body.So until I am off the Suboxone I am not drug free.I have to change that 70 to 0.How can I tell her how wrong it is what she is doing ,when I am doing the same thing.
I really hope today brings you some relief,I know the frustration you must be feeling,because I feel it as well everyday,thats one thing we are joined in.
Hang in there sweetie,Hugs
Nick
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Avatar universal
09/09
You have everyright to express what you are feeling and if that means venting every so often,then thats something he has to understand.Dealing with the pain and trying to deal with all the mental aspects of your recovery is so hard,I know,and if venting helps us to remain sober then thats what we have to do,and they have to respect that and not get upset.Its hard Eileen.Geting wasted on the Meds was easy,but trying to live clean and drug free is hard.Makes no sense,should be just the opposite.But somebody not addicted could not understand just how hard it is for us.I think a lot of people think ,once you get out of detox you are cured,but im 3months later and still messed up,its just they cant see whats in my head.
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eileen,I can really realete to your day yesterday.I cant sit for more then 20 minutes,its the worst thing for my back.I have a recliner that i sit in and that helps.I understand when you said your husband was getting perturbed with you.Its hard for me to go anywhere with my wife and when I do I try to tough it out and not say anything about the pain.But then she wants to do something else and when I tell her I an really hurting and rather go home,she gets pissed.I always say fine when she asks me how I am doing,because I dont want to sem like I complain all the time,I wish she just wouldnt even ask that anymore.
They just dont understand what it is to be in pain 24/7.I guess its not their fault and they must get frustrated too
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Avatar universal
09/09
Hi Eilleen
What I meant about the 800 being  a pain,.was the limit on the words for a note.I have been leaving you messages for the last couple of days,are you not getting them?
it doesnt seem like you are.I had left one this afternoon teling you all about the Fun? I am having with our 2 year old terror for a houseguest.
Let me know if you got it .
i agree Eileen,it gets old fast living every day in pain,and with no energy to even get out of bed.I am not any meds that would make me feel that way like you are,mine is due to the WD,unless its the Suboxone,I never thought of that.
I will check with you in the morning,sleep well
Nick ;)
Check your messages!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
09/09
I am writing you messages from now on,this 800 thing is a pain.
Talk to you later
Nick
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Avatar universal
09/09
Eileen..... You can complain,rant,shout or whatever you want to me.thats what friends are for,and you are a great friend.My wife will ask how you doing today and I always say OK,because like you I dont want to be complaining all the time.Sorryn that the pain is back in force,i know what it is you are going through.The Suboxone helps with the withdrawal but nothing for the pain.Started tapering but went to far and had to go back up some becasuse of the WD.Im not through my Oxy WD yet dont want a Suboxone one with it.It will be a slow process but well worth it.
Its nice having a houseful of people,hope they go home soon LOL.Its too cold to be by the ocean ,so they have been in all day,that little one is a terror!!Not only are the cats hiding but im starting to as well LOL.
Hang in there,
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Avatar universal
09/09
and she and the girls will be staying with us for awhie.The girls are 2 and 5,I forgot what its like to have a todler around.The terrible twos really apply to Rachel,she has been chasing Rocco all over the house,the other 2 are smart and hid,I havent seen them seen them all day.They only come out when shes asleep,LOL.We do have a houseful,but thats what families are for.Im still going to P/T,still hurts but not as bad,and did start to taper my Suboxone ,but think its going to be a slow process,will explain it all next time.
Great to hear from you and hoping that tomorrow will be abetter day for you
Nick :):) smiles and hugs
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Avatar universal
09/09
Eileen!!!!!!!!!! ... So glad to hear from you,was worried that there was something wrong.Im so happy to hear you went to the beach with the familySometimes a change of scenery does wonders.I know what you mean about watching the waves,It is so peaceful and when there is no one else on the beach,there is something very surreal about it.We had family over,my sister and her 2 girls and they all went to the beachI was really hurting that day so stayed home to watch Michigan play.Sunday and Monday was cold here so we barbecued and all the kids went to the beach to collect shells.Monday was one of those lazy days where we didnt do much of anything.My sister is having marital problems{a topic for another day}.
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Avatar universal
09/09
Morning Eileen
hope the reason I havent heard from you is that you were so busy enjoying the weekend.
Really hope that you are doing better and up and around.Miss hearing from you and hope things are good
Nick
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