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Just a quick note to say hi!
You deserve a big bear hug!
You're in my thoughts all the time, but especially today.
Thank you for everything!
Welcome to our community!
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hope you feel better soon!
Congratulations! Time for a celebration...
Happy Birthday!
460185 tn?1326077772
05/08
I have absolutely no doubt that you will succeed.  Imagine the power in those little pink pills - and you are going to neutralize their addictive power.  Then you'll be .... Superxan  = )




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460185 tn?1326077772
05/08
I didn't do anything really.  You are doing all the work and sharing how it's going has been helpful - to me anyways.

Hugs ....


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Avatar universal
05/08
Thank you for caring! Here's hugs right back at you...
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343243 tn?1273346704
05/08
JUST WANTED TO SAY HI! THANX HONEY. I FEEL GOOD TODAY.THINGS ARE...........................,BUT I AM TRYING TO KEEP POSITIVE AS MUCH AS I CAN!! TAKE CARE.
''''''''HUGS''''''''..................ZINA
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Avatar universal
05/08
The tornadoes were very bad, many - many houses completely gone, one child died and 20 people missing right up the street and only a couple hours ago.  Do you get tornadoes where you live?  My kids are terrified of them, I suppose that will be worse now.  My hubby is thrilled I am quitting the Zoloft mostly because (on a personal level) I have no interest in sex.  I will find another way to deal with the anxiety if it comes back.  Nice talking with you, your such an inspiration to so many here.  Erin
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Avatar universal
05/08
Thanks for your note - I guess I could look at the bright side....I lay-ed 60 bags of mulch on my garden in one day!!!!  But like I said, I missed the "process".  Another thing I noticed is I am very, very sarcastic and kind of rude with my jokes-my hubby got mad at me last night.  Usually I know when to stop with my razzing.  Oh well I am going to quit taking the Zoloft (slowly) so that my calm nature can shine through, even with a little anxiety.  I will keep ya posted.   Right now there is ambulances everywhere we had a couple tornado's touch down by my house today, pretty scary, I'm glad it's over.  Take Care, Erin

Thanks for the hair comment, I am used to it now.
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Avatar universal
05/08
Just wanted to let you know I can relate. If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.
Xan,  I am new to this website and have been exploring all the forums, and damn I fit into too many of them, LOL
I too was addicted to Xanax, been off for about 3 yrs now. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But it can be done. I had to taper very slowly. The withdrawal symptoms were tough, I lived daily in fear of a seizure. Aside from all that I made it and you can too. You are educated and know what you are doing with the taper and know what to expect and that is what makes it more successful. You can do this!!
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Avatar universal
05/08
Hey Xan! In reading some of your posts it kind of sounds like your experience with the Beast of depression was very much like mine.

At my worst this condition was so bad that I could do little more than curl up in a ball while my body and mind tembled uncontrolably. The mental pain was so profound that I felt as if I was living in some kind of altered world that was unreal to me. I actually had convinced myself that I was literally going insane. As it got worse and I could no longer even function, I really had thought that I would be spending the rest of my life in a mental hospital. That's why I had decided to kill myself. Not because I didn't want to live, but because I really thought I was done for anyway.

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Avatar universal
05/08
Mood flickers up and down, back and forth. My Baby Doll is moving into a house of her own, away from her Mom's. Her Mom's going to live, so there's no reason to continue subjecting the kids to an alcoholic any longer. Baby Doll also intends to part ways with her husband soon after moving, which kinda leaves things wide open for me... 'cept I can't live without my Icepick. Wooo, it's hard sometimes, though, 'specially when the 'pick is exhibiting her down side. Sweetling doesn't have a discernable down side. It's like being on a diet and there's this hot fudge sundae begging you to gobble it up. I only take my 20 tramadols a day. I guess i feel torn in two because I am indeed just that. Hey, whatcha gotten down to now? The agony of the wean leads to the thrill of victory!
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Avatar universal
05/08
Having had a house burn down and having lost all our posessions twice and having had Hildy diagnosed with terminal cancer (years ago) I'm here to tell you things can be worse. They always get better, but sometimes we get SO tired of waiting for them to do so. Riding in the wind, though, with my Baby's arms wrapped around me and feeling her give me that extra little for-nothin' squeeze that's a response to nothing but something inside her.. well, the feeling of that instant is worth a day of sadness, hands down.  Hey, who ya callin' "grown-up", lady?
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414333 tn?1226191493
05/08
Isn't it nice to finally feel like you are human again!!!!!!!! and not an emotionless robot, good for you, I know that Ambien can be an incredibly hard pill to get off of, Or so I've heard, but you are getting through it, I am glad that you are not having to much difficulty with it though..... Good for you, you will have to change your name to POISONFREE!!!!!!!! or MEDSSUCKBALLS Lol hehehe, good job xan, if I were in the Cali area I would come over and hug you.........

                                          I am so happy for you..........            Nate(+)
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242912 tn?1402543492
05/08
Walked?  Oh my but you're brave.  I feel the ocean breeze, but it feels like a furnace. : )  Our house faces east and west so the sun is blazing in the windows right now and will until the sun sets.  Yikes!  This heat makes my heart pound so hard and gives me more of a headache than usual.  Remember at the end of last summer when it was boiling here?  When the inside of our house reached 92 degrees, I felt it was the perfect opportunity to go to the ER to find out why my stomach felt like it was full of acid.  It was a long wait, but air conditioned and that's really all I cared about since I felt I was about ready to have heat stroke.  I don't do heat well.  I'm so glad to hear your headache is better, xan.  TTYL ♥
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460185 tn?1326077772
05/08
Feeling "off" is something I think most people feel. Am glad your headache is better.   I don't drink coffee but maybe I can fly down there and we can have a "squishy".

(((((HUGS)))))


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370181 tn?1595629445
05/08
Thanks Xan! I'm going out in awhile with some friends to a casino where there will be much drinking, laughter and loss of ungodly sums of money! But it's MY day and I can't get much poorer than I am already! LOL
Thanks again, Toots!  
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242912 tn?1402543492
05/08
Hi xan, so very happy to hear your feeling better.  See?  I had a feeling you would start to see an improvement soon, even if it's only a little bit each day.  You doing great!!  So what if you had to take a little more Ambian last night.  Sleep is important to the healing process so I think you absolutely did the right thing.  One thing at a time, eh?  Thinking of you♥
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Avatar universal
05/08
It means "I'm as stuffed as an outhouse frog", referring to chow, of course. Well, since neither child even called Hildy for Mom's day, it wasn't one to be remembered. We went to see my mother, though, who was cool, as always. If the children are taking out their newfound disappointment in me on their Mom, that wouldn't be good. But I'm sure they'll call her at work today. Hope so, anyway! Gotta go see the new VA lady today, it'll be a cold ride this morning, but that's cool (yes, that's my entry in the "worst pun" contest). Good morning, lady! How ya doon?
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414333 tn?1226191493
05/08
   Hey Xan you are quickly becoming a great cyber buddy always there for me through this horrifying ordeal....  Yeah I would love to see that info... That would be great... How is the weaning going from the Ambien I know that can also be a hrad one to get off...  God Bless and Love....

                                                   Your Friend Always Nate(+) p.s. I have always wanted to go to Cali, it looks so beautiful...  Ttyl....   We will get through this nightmare together and then we can both sue our doctors lol just kidding take care....
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414333 tn?1226191493
05/08
i don't know sorry
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414333 tn?1226191493
05/08
    I don 't if I can hang on Xan it is so hard and I feel like I am going insane... I hate my doctor... I am just tired of looking at other people my age who are so happy, who can work and live their life, I am 24 years old and I can barely move...... No thought process, emotionally numb, I am a child of god.... I also feel like god let me down, I prayed to him when I was suffering that he would help me get on the right medication NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  sorry to be depressing cause I know you are struggling as well, life has never gone the way I wanted it to... I always ask god if I have mental issues like these and I have to suffer like this and take [email protected]#$ed up pills that are killing me why did you give me good looks and talent....
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242912 tn?1402543492
05/08
I hope your feeling at least decent today.  Yesterday was really difficult and I'm hoping today was better for you.  Your doing a great thing xan, and I know it's hard, but you won't feel like this forever.  Hang in there and hang TIGHT!  Thinking of you ♥
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Avatar universal
05/08
Sweetlings reactions to everything and anything can always be understood by simply remembering that she's no part of her own equation. She will always take whatever path makes the travel of those around her easier, never considering herself. Sweetling's not always right, but is always well intentioned. Yes, you did start on the xannies for a particular purpose, and the thought's got to occur that trading one pain for another doesn't make sense. Maybe the best thing would just be to go back on them? I hope you want to send a cyber-brick upside my head for saying that. Just as you should slap yourself silly if you should find yourself thinking it. There are other means of dealing with anxiety, means that don't cause such problems. I sure am with you, dear one.
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Avatar universal
05/08
Oh, nothing to it at my end. I hit the bottom and decided life has been nice to visit but wouldn't want to live here. I made some feeble attempt to act on that, which seems to have driven everyone away from me (yup, even Sweetling, though only to a small degree) except Mom (of course) and the Icepick. So, what it boils down to me is that my wife is driving all other women away, and is doing so by outloving them. I'll take that card, thank you. Ah, an ace! "Its all coming back and I can't get off of it" isn't true, though, that's just jonesing, you know you're not going to let this thing defeat you. Are you?
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Avatar universal
05/08
I understand it's worse than opiates, for sure. I dunno, to me knowing that you're kicking some serious behind there should have some value.. I know it's easy for me to say, not having to experience it directly, but I've had three serious addictions (alcohol, crack, opiates) and when looking at them in the rear view mirror it's sort of like surviving the war, gives one a feeling of accomplishment. What an accomplishment! That you can feel certain of. What you're going through is SO worth it. You're going to be all right, maybe better than before. The hardest lessons teach us the most. XanFree, Professor of Weenology! Can you find any beauty in the tears? That's the case with opiates, sometimes the misery was sweet. Perhaps that was just from knowing where it all was leading.
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242912 tn?1402543492
05/08
I hope you're feeling better today.  Maybe you need to stick with the last part of your wean for a little longer to keep yourself comfortable?  You've come so far, so what's another month or so?  I know you're ready for this to be over though.  Thinking of you...♥
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Avatar universal
05/08
IBOK. That's my new motto! I'm afraid it goes a lot deeper than the cocktail. Right now I'm just piling everything good into a big heap and trying to burrow under it so the bad stuff won't get me. You know, like "surfing the wave" when an LSD trip tries to go south on you (so, so, so many years ago, and I still remember that!)  Anyway, for the moment I have eBayers to placate, but I'll tell ya some amusing anecdotes from my stay in the fun house just as soon as I can find some breathing space. In there among the heartbreaks there are some amazingly golden times with some amazingly golden people. Note: Please donate your excess books and videotapes to your local non-profit nut house for client use. BCNU shortly (well, not THAT short), Ma'am.
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414333 tn?1226191493
05/08
      You will make it Xan i feel the same way today, earlier I felt like I was going nuts!!!!!!!!!   Isn't it a shame how readily these doctors prescribe these meds..........   I truly think that these pills should be taken off the market......
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414333 tn?1226191493
05/08
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You did it Xan good Job you are so close to being able to use the handle Xanfree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    Good Job!!!!!    You are an inspiration.....  So what is up for tomorrow? Are you totally off the Xanax.........

                                          ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))    your friend Nate(+)
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Avatar universal
05/08
Yah, it was me, but no fear, no fear at all. It wasn't just a decision to do it, it didn't start out that way. I can't really give details, too long right now, but there is nothing to fear. By accident I put myself into a condition where death seemed preferable to facing all the current issues. Normally I can take all this and a whole lot more. I took the wrong combo trying to get some sleep and when it didn't work I took more and again same, not realizing that as opposed to putting me to sleep I was reducing my ability to resist "the easy path". Until I tried to take it. It's not that my situation is so bad I can't stand it. I'm fine, and now I do have official documentation that I'm sane enough to be running around out here loose! Will be back ASAP. -E._D.
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Avatar universal
05/08
Been in the booby hatch after a quick visit to the emergency room. Attempted suicide. Got five days business to catch up on, which will take a day or two, but then will be back. I love you guys, and that's not just a figure of speech.
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460185 tn?1326077772
05/08
For your support and caring .... hugs


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397906 tn?1208241269
05/08
I did come very close to coming off xanax at one point went almost a week, but anxiety started to creep up and im back on again..im trying really hard to take it only as needed.
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200828 tn?1209917975
05/08
Hey chica, just wanted to wish you well on the final phase!  Sorry, I haven't been on.  Just needed a break.  Hope you've been well.  Take care :o)
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