Oh goodness. I'm 31, a rocket scientist (no, really). I've been living with at the least, clinical depression since I was 12 years old. I was only recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, though some suspect Bipolar II. I coulda told people this, and did
[More], YEARS ago but no one listened. I have fought therapy and medication my entire life up until about two years ago when I sought therapy. I still refused medication until this past April. The first anti-depressant didn't work. After this recent diagnosis I have now switched medication. I suspect this is the beginning of the experimental med rollercoaster.
How'd they come up with this: Severe depression, hypomanic bouts, self injurious, bulimic, dissociative/depersonalization, klepto, impulsive, racing thoughts, repetitive thoughts, idealization/demonization of friends loved ones, fear of abandonment (mostly real, but often not), arguments in my head, anxiety, promiscuous, problems concentrating, problems sleeping, extreme lack of concern for self/well being... the list goes on. I don't have the violent outbursts I used to, it took a long time to fix myself of those, but they still occur in my head, even if I don't vocalize them. My thoughts run away with me on tangents that will probably never happen.
I finally gave in to trying stronger meds, or any meds, because after 17 years I honestly don't think I can survive much longer without some help. For so long I thought I could do it on my own, control my life and figure out how to be happy without anyone's help. I don't think so anymore. The world's too f-ed up and so am I.
I'm an engineer, but extremely creative. I love to cook/bake, draw, read, costume, sew. I love being outside, chatting with friends (though it's hard for people to get close to me b/c I'm now very guarded). I love art and the theater. I'm awesome at math and science. I have a cat who is my absolute love and the only boy that will never leave me. I'm bi-sexual though I hate the term. Women are my preference though I do occasionally get involved with men. ::shrug:: that's all I can think of for now.
Thanks for the add :-) Hope you're feeling okay today - the women in my family all suffer from depression and I'm currently battling not to! If you ever need a chat or someone to shout at you know where to find me :-) Here's to new friends and new beginnings in 2011! Hugs! x
Thanks so much for the note :)
It's nice 'in a not so nice way' to know someone understands,
yet depressing to think that someone else feels as bad as you.
I read your bio and you said your now on 'stronger' meds..
I wondered what you were on?
Don't answer if you don't feel right to. :)
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