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About Me: Female, 38, Camdenton, MO, member since Feb 2011

I am a 27yr old disabled army veteran who suffers from ptsd, bipolar 1 disorder and anxiety...who has also been sober from meth for 310 days now...It begin when I was 2. At 2 and 5 I was molested by my uncle. At 7 I became the parent, I was raising me,my brother and my ... [More] mother, ( she has schizo-effective disorder). Also my mother beat me severely at 7 and 10 and made several attempts at killing me. At 14, I was raped by a 22 yr old man while I was baby-sitting a 5 month old. I finally emancipated myself at 17 because I couldn't handle it anymore...I moved in with my child hood sweetheart. We married a month after graduating. During the marriage, I had an ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me, a miscarriage, and then with my third pregnancy, he got a 16 yr old pregnant, and I lost our third child. We divorced and I had plans of joining the military, I began dating again and wasn't going to let another man hold me back from what I wanted to do. The day I went to ship out, I was 6/10 of a percent over on body fat, needless to say they wouldn't let me ship, so I came home. A month later, I was pregnant with my son, I refused to get married just because I was pregnant. After he was born, my boyfriend started showing little signs of anger and abuse. I became pregnant with identical twin girls, losing one half way through. We married when I was four months along with the twins...one night we had a friend over(female) she was lying at the foot of our bed while we were watching a movie, my husband jokingly said something about a foot rub, and she began rubbing his feet and I looked over at him like um hello, this isnt right, but I was unable to say anything. I got up and went to the bathroom, which is also in our room, I came out to find her sitting between his legs getting a back rub, which I as his wife never even got. I was so angry and so hurt...she left and he kept asking why I was mad and what he did wrong, needless to say, he ended up breaking my jawin front of our son, throwing numerous things at me, putting holes in the walls. After my daughters birth, while i was sedated he had me sign what I thought were release papers, but instead he had me fixed. I left and joined the army to make a better life for the kids. In basic training I was sexually assaulted on numerous occasions. I forgot to tell you that from the age of 14 to about 24, I was raped and molested by my step brother. During my time in the military, the divorce was filed, I had to give temp custody of the kids to my husband, which when he found out how much money he would get a month, he took full custody, I had no lawyer or way to come home and fight for my kids....Once i found out he took custody of the kids I lost it. On top of everything else going on in my life at that time...i was shortly discharged from the army. I came home to a house I had made by myself for me and my children and I was alone, completely and utterly alone. I got a job and my boss set me up with her friend, one month later I was addicted to meth and getting married at the court house, and I was higher than high....after getting married, he lost control of being able to handle his highs and became abusive and cheated so many times and every time I took him back, the first bad beating, 11-25-09, I was pushed down a flight of stairs, body slammed into a kitchen floor, table and wall. Injuries received: concussion, severe deep bruising of the right rib cage, and a miscarriage. I left for several weeks, stayed clean the whole time.I took him back, went through another round, and I cut my arms and legs to get him off me because he couldn't stand the sight of blood. I committed myself, after I got out he had already packed us up, and we took off one night at 2am and didn't tell anyone. He took my to Kansas City, his oud stompin grounds, got us in to his old apartment building, which was a run down crack house, I was the only white female there. 2-12-10 I came home from work at 3 am, and I don't even recall what started the fight, I'm being beaten and drug back in my apartment, I ran out to my car and jumped in and locked the doors, he broke the window and drug me out by my legs up the street and back into our apartment. I waited a few minutes and then ran out again, I just had a tee shirt and jeans on, no bra, no sock, no shoes, or id, I just ran. I ran fifteen blocks at 3am through the worst part of Kansas City, I ran on ice, snow, dirt, glass, whatever was on the ground...I was in such shock it didn't matter I just knew I was gonna get away...and all this time no one stopped to help me, not even the police....finally out of breath and shaken to my core I stopped and just sobbed...a man pull over and I didn't even care what would happen to me, he thought I had been raped, so I told him what happened, he was an ex pimp, for a second I thought I had made things worse for myself, but he told me his story and he was on they way to to his kids laundry, he let me stay in his car and get warm and he let me use his phone to call my mom....and then like an idiot, I gave up and called my husband to come get me. He yelled that I was messing around with some Mexican, wasn't glad I was safe or that I wasn't dead. I just cried...unknown date another argument, he used our last ten dollars so he could by weed, he pinned me to the bead and beat me in the face with his steel plated forehead...I cut again...I ran again, outside to the nearest person and she took me to the police station, this time he was finally arrested. He was in jail one week, I kicked him out...another week, I stayed with him in that hotel room and got high with him every day...I let him come back home...One day while he was at work I broke into his MySpace and Facebook accounts and found all the women he had been cheating with I printed it all off and waited for him to get home.4-13-10(my daughters 4th birthday) I confronted him, This by far was the worse beating that I was gonna have from him...he almost killed me, my neighbor, knocked on our door telling me someone was calling the police, he gave me my chance to run to be free and I took it, I ran straight downstairs to my land lords apt and hid, I dialed 911 and pressed charges, he spent 4 months in jail. Two days after he was arrested his home girl came around and i thought I would get revenge, i never smoked without him, but this time i was going to, and so I did, they left and I felt kinda funny good but funny my neighbor came to check on me and had to carry me to his place, something was wrong but I didn't want to go to the hospital I was too scared too. And that something was, I had severely ODed on heroin(can't spell). i was paralyzed for 2 days and it was so painful...my wake up call....
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Interests: Allergies, Arthritis, Osteoarthritis, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eye Care, Migraines, Pain, Headache, Insomnia, Weight Management, Diet and Nutrition, Exercise and Fitness ... [More]

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