I’m tired of being tired. I sick of being scared. When I take an ADHD stimulant medication, the anxiety is reduced, for an hour, maybe two. Is the anxiety really gone? I’m still grinding my tongue on my bottom teeth. I’m probably just focused on non useful tasks. The tasks include: obsessive internet surfing, looking for home businesses (which I honestly believe will work, and may, but with an unusually high confidence. This is due to, in my opinion, a false sense of confidence, or; the lowering of whatever makes me cautious. Without a stimulant (amphetamine), I am depressed. I am strong willed, but even after 5 months of not taking anything, I still had anxiety and depression. This being said however, not the same anxiety that I experience with Adder all. Kind of, but not. Again, however; the anxiety I face without anything is still not a “normal” human, or “me” type of feeling. Period. It just isn’t. I realize it’s most likely whatever symptoms depression and anxiety are described as. This depression/anxiety has been worsened due to choices INCLUDING and not limited to the described ADHD medications. I say it like that because I felt as ****** without the medications as I did with them. Also as described, without anything, I feel A DIFFERENT FEELING OF ******. In other terms, I feel different symptoms of depression and anxiousness. The symptoms experienced without foreign substances are not the normal human feelings. I realize my body is or may be trying to adjust and get back to a homeostasis state. Can it (my body/brain) not adjust? Antidepressants DO NOT WORK. They don’t. Period. I am to the point where I take the ADHD stimulants, (VYVANSE - 70 mgX1 or 2, or 3 during the day) and/or Amphetamine salts 30mg. This is obvious signs of drug addiction/dependency/abuse. I know. Again - Without ADHD medications or antidepressants I still feel as terrible as I do while taking the ADHD medications.
I understand this seems like I am being impossible, but I really cannot help but express what I have been feeling and thinking for the past who knows how long. Everything I say is completely true.
“What people often underestimate is the complexity of drug addiction.”