Avatar universal

Daughter,21, seems unable to tell the truth and is so angry

I don't want a "yes mine has that too" though totally understand how helpful that is. What I really really need is to know what I can do? How I can help her?

My daughter is nearly 22 and we thought she was getting better. She appears ADD and ASD with a lot of things. She has been working over the summer and her boss has just phoned me up concerned. It appears she has been sloppy in her work, forgetting to clear up properly, leaving bins by the back door, not closing up properly, and also there was a complaint about her work and attitude by a customer. She works in a very smart cafe in the countryside that I (mum) drive her to. Also her boss was saying that when she has to remind her of things she seems to seethe with what she described as pure evil, though kept saying "but I know really she is a lovely person."
When I ended the call my daughter was venomous towards me and told me that her boss was lying. I am so confused by it all. All I want to do is cry.
My daughter has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and is on tablets for it. I did want to uses this summer holiday, her 4 months home from university, to try to sort something out, but she has refused every thing I've put forward. I am always left wondering what is the truth.
When she was younger she use to  make tales up and believe them and become very angry when she found out they weren't true. I am wondering if this is still what she is doing - saying what she would like to be the truth.
She is at university and I am concern that what she is saying about how well she is doing, and even what she is doing, isn't true. You know how once a small untruth is seen then one starts to remember other lies and wonder about everything.
I really do need some practical help please
4 Responses
189897 tn?1441126518
   Hi, I can understand your concern.  Its not that, "yes mine has that too" .  Its that a lot of this is pretty common and its just too bad you haven't found resources to help you.  Hopefully, I can.
   My first thought is that some of  these problems seem to be occurring near the end of her work day.  This would be an indication that her meds are running out.   Or, she forgot to take them?  All meds have a length of duration.  If you tell me what she is using, I can tell you the normal effective time of duration.  And, maybe suggest one with a longer time of duration.  Of course, I am assuming that she is taking medication for the ADHD and not just the anxiety.  
  Also, knowing collage kids, I am betting she is not getting enough sleep at night.  Sleep is a huge factor in behavior during the day, and ADHD symptoms will worsen as the day progresses if not enough sleep is gotten during the night.
   Also, a strong high protein breakfast is very important to make the medication more effective.
   Depression and anxiety are very common co-disorders of ADHD.  They tend to worsen if the ADHD is untreated or if the person does not understand what/how the ADHD effects them.  Speaking of not understanding here is a link to an adult ADD site.  It has some great short video explaining the problems that ADHD can cause adults and ways to deal with the problem.  But perhaps, more importantly, it also shows that you are not the Lone Ranger in dealing with these problems.  The site is really more for your daughter, but I think that you would also find it informative to in helping to understand what she might be going through.
The site is - http://jeffsaddmind.com/for-first-time-visitors
      It is also that the boss may be part of the problem.  If someone does not understand how ADHD works and effects you, their means for communicating can usually make things worse.  Disciplining a child with ADHD is tough - and done incorrectly will lead to anxiety and depression.  Dealing with an adult with ADHD is difficult and more so if the adult is not aware of how to communicate to the boss ways to effectively communicate.
     Anyway,  here is a great link to a wonderful site that has lots of ways to discipline your child.  Many of these methods work very well with adults.  The link is - http://www.additudemag.com/search/google.html?match_words=discipline&x=0&y=0
    And here is a quick link about lying that may help you better understand what is going on.    http://www.additudemag.com/search/google.html?match_words=lying&x=0&y=0
   I hope this helps.  Let me know if you have any questions. And if you feel like it - let me know about the meds.  At least some of this does sound like it is medication related.
Avatar universal
I am not sure if this is relevant or not but there were some studies done on 'liars' including MRIs, the surprising results were that liars have a disproportionate number of (language usage probably wrong here) neural connections such that when asked a question, the truth is only one of a wide variety of neural paths for them to follow. I believe that an extreme form of this leads to sociopaths, fantasy writers, chess masters, mathematicians, et cetera. In milder cases, really sharp wit.

Sandman - I will check out your link, I am 67 diagnosed with ADD and pretty much unable to do anything unless reminded (so I work answering phones for the Feds).
189897 tn?1441126518
   Interesting point on Liars, haven't heard that before.   I know some adults find that the use of their Smartphones with the ability to have set reminders with different bell tones etc. can be very helpful to keep them on task.
189897 tn?1441126518
  Just came across this link - you might find it helpful?
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