Aa
HELP!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!
My three almost four year old son is very rebellious, but can be the sweetest thing on earth. I do spank my son and have tried time outs and also have made him stay in bed all day, because he wont take his nap and is always moving. There are points where he can sit there and be still, but most times he is always fidgeting. I have tried to make him run it out( like literally run) he has even run over a mile constant running! I did this to see if maybe it would tire him out, but was not succesful. My mom went to spank him today, and he picked up a stick and started hitting her. I don't know what to do any more I am losing my mind with my mother constantly griping about how terrible he is and how terrible I am I don't know what to do. I am a single mother and work full time and am also trying to go to school. I love my son with all my heart, but feel he does not love me back. Which I know is wrong, but I need help! I do not know if he has ADD or ADHD if there is any advise you can give me PLEASE!
COMMUNITY LEADER
You know you don't really mention much about what he actually does except for being hyper and 3 year olds can be. But let me start by suggesting a series of books meant to be read to 4 to 7 year olds that do help with a variety of issues. The books need to be read more than once and also serve has a good bonding thing to do at night before going to bed. And hopefully you or your mom are reading to him every night any way. The book and many others can be found here -
http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
I kind of had to guess at where to start - title wise - but you will find a bunch more good ideas as you scroll down.
One of the troubles with spanking is that it shows that violence is a way to solve problems. His conduct to your mom is/was expected.
I assume you leave him with her for daycare reasons as you work and go to school. If so she is spending more waking hours with him then you and really is the main person doing the discipline - and it ain't working for her either. If he goes to a daycare, I would be very curious if they see the same problem. If so then neisha said about ruling out ADHD is valid. However, for most doctors he may be too young to diagnose as the problem has to exist in two different settings - typically school and home.
Basically you want to change his behavior. And behavior can be changed. It takes immediate, consistent, reinforcement for a period of at least 3 weeks to do so. However! that is if it is a learned behavior. A child with ADHD has behaviors that are not learned, but caused by their brain chemistry. That list would include:
* difficulty sustaining and paying attention to tasks at home or school;
* making careless errors, not following through with tasks or completing instructions;
* being easily distracted;
* look like they aren't listening;
* being easily bored;
* being forgetful, losing things;
* having difficulty organizing tasks, activities, or belongings;
* being fidgety, difficulty remaining seated;
* talking excessively;
* running or climbing about excessively when it is inappropriate to do so;
* having difficulty awaiting his/her turn in a game or activity;
* interrupting or intruding on others;
* avoiding or disliking doing things that take a lot of effort for a long time.
And unless, the child is taking medication, these behaviors are very difficult to change. Thus, all experts say to very carefully choose your fights. There are some things that you need to ignore, must ignore because the child has not control over them. These things can be changed if you take the time to roll play, reinforce the good behavior, and repeat, repeat, repeat. But it has to become literally a part of the childs nature, and that is hard to do. So you pick one behavior that he does appear to have control over and work on that.
I recently found a very good site for parenting kids with adhd. The site is ....
.... http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm
I am pretty much in tune with what they have to say. So far, I would say that the only thing they left out is that when doing the consequences - make sure you don't have too many of them. You need to start with a very few things and then when those are conquered, you add new ones.
I would also add that if you feel like it is ADHD, then you should get the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. If perhaps after doing some more research on ADHD, you don't feel like that is the problem (or actually even if you do), I suggest getting the book, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark. I gives you an excellent method for changing behavior.
Lot of stuff here. do take you time reading it and then go back over and reread it. By the way - since you didn't give a lot of symptoms I also should suggest that you check out Sensory Disorder Integration. It is not treated like ADHD, but can have many similar symptoms. Info can be found here - http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/index.html
Oh, do you have any younger children?
Hope this helps! Please post if you have any more questions. I would also suggest that you print out my response and maybe the one above and show them to your Mom. Best wishes!
http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
I kind of had to guess at where to start - title wise - but you will find a bunch more good ideas as you scroll down.
One of the troubles with spanking is that it shows that violence is a way to solve problems. His conduct to your mom is/was expected.
I assume you leave him with her for daycare reasons as you work and go to school. If so she is spending more waking hours with him then you and really is the main person doing the discipline - and it ain't working for her either. If he goes to a daycare, I would be very curious if they see the same problem. If so then neisha said about ruling out ADHD is valid. However, for most doctors he may be too young to diagnose as the problem has to exist in two different settings - typically school and home.
Basically you want to change his behavior. And behavior can be changed. It takes immediate, consistent, reinforcement for a period of at least 3 weeks to do so. However! that is if it is a learned behavior. A child with ADHD has behaviors that are not learned, but caused by their brain chemistry. That list would include:
* difficulty sustaining and paying attention to tasks at home or school;
* making careless errors, not following through with tasks or completing instructions;
* being easily distracted;
* look like they aren't listening;
* being easily bored;
* being forgetful, losing things;
* having difficulty organizing tasks, activities, or belongings;
* being fidgety, difficulty remaining seated;
* talking excessively;
* running or climbing about excessively when it is inappropriate to do so;
* having difficulty awaiting his/her turn in a game or activity;
* interrupting or intruding on others;
* avoiding or disliking doing things that take a lot of effort for a long time.
And unless, the child is taking medication, these behaviors are very difficult to change. Thus, all experts say to very carefully choose your fights. There are some things that you need to ignore, must ignore because the child has not control over them. These things can be changed if you take the time to roll play, reinforce the good behavior, and repeat, repeat, repeat. But it has to become literally a part of the childs nature, and that is hard to do. So you pick one behavior that he does appear to have control over and work on that.
I recently found a very good site for parenting kids with adhd. The site is ....
.... http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm
I am pretty much in tune with what they have to say. So far, I would say that the only thing they left out is that when doing the consequences - make sure you don't have too many of them. You need to start with a very few things and then when those are conquered, you add new ones.
I would also add that if you feel like it is ADHD, then you should get the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. If perhaps after doing some more research on ADHD, you don't feel like that is the problem (or actually even if you do), I suggest getting the book, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark. I gives you an excellent method for changing behavior.
Lot of stuff here. do take you time reading it and then go back over and reread it. By the way - since you didn't give a lot of symptoms I also should suggest that you check out Sensory Disorder Integration. It is not treated like ADHD, but can have many similar symptoms. Info can be found here - http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/index.html
Oh, do you have any younger children?
Hope this helps! Please post if you have any more questions. I would also suggest that you print out my response and maybe the one above and show them to your Mom. Best wishes!
You may want to go ahead and make an appointment with his doctor. The sooner they can confirm or rule out ADD or ADHD the faster you can move towards a solution. However as hard as it may be, you're gonna have to tune your mom out when she critize your parenting or you son's behavior. She's gonna have to realize that every child different whether she raised a son herself or not.. It sounds like she trying to compare her parenting style vs yours. She's gonna have to also realize that you two are also different people. And when it comes to when she was raising child and when you raising yours, is that time, situations, circumstances, child, personalities, and times has completely changed. She's gonna have to let you raise your son your way. Whether she helps you or not, is up to her. Your son, he will feel what mommy feels. Children have an habit of doing that and because they do not know how to deal, their behavior can reflect it. Even though it's hard to see sometimes try to remember your son loves his mommy more than anything else in this world, but he will continue to test you as well. I hope that this helps you. Good luck with you and and your son. If you need to talk, you can talk to me anytime.
i can understand your problem i have a three year old boy and he can be mean at times. i dont know if this will help or not but when my sun is very bad and does not want to listen i make him seat until he calms down. if he does not want to seat then i seat and hold him in my lap till he calms down. no tv no music no nothing if this does not work talk to your doctor and see what he thinks
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the ADHD Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
What to expect in your growing baby
Is the PS3 the new Prozac … or causing ADHD in your kid?
Autism expert Dr. Richard Graff weighs in on the vaccine-autism media scandal.
Could your home be a haven for toxins that can cause ADHD?
