Its hard to say. I have seen posts of a lot of adult ADHDers on stim meds who feel lost without it. But they are on a prescription, and it is legal for them.
It may be that you have not yet found the right med or dosage for you. Talk with your doctor. It really does take some trial and error. And some of the meds like vyvannse remain in the system a really long time which I think would be an advantage over what you would like to take. But the main advantage is that the ADHD meds are legal.
So to answer your question. I don't know, because I don't know what or how much of the ADHD med you are on. It may be that with some experimentation (and hopefully help from your doctor) you will find the right med and dose for you. Here is an article about that - http://www.add.org/page/risky_business
I can also recommend other sources with information about Adult ADHD if you are interested. Best wishes.
Just found another good link. Check out the "medication and addiction" at the bottom of the article. http://www.addandaddiction.com/articles.htm
You'll have to develop a good relationship with a doctor to get it but it is prescribed.
At least your honest about your feelings & not making excuses for your behavior. Bad habits are hard to stop even when you know you should. If I were you, I would try behavioral therapy along with medication.