help pls

[momof4soon]

hi I really need help I have a 4 year old with adhd we have decided not to use medicine on him or his sister that also has adhd but today he is just out of control I dont know what to do

[Sandman2]

   Yes, I can see how that would be really bad.  Anything you do kind of gets cancelled out by dear ole dad.  Actually, its gotta be pretty confusing for the kid too.  At that age they are pretty much into the here and now.
   I would try to start using a simple phrase like "my house"  when ever you send him to a time out.  After awhile the use of something like that should be a clue to him that what he wants will not work in "my house".  Won't happen overnight, but if you are very consistent and use it for the important stuff.  It should work.
   Of course, it would also be wonderful if good ole dad could agree to at least working on  a couple of the things that really bug you, so that the child does get a unified (consistent is the key word) front.

[momof4soon]

the thing is he is btw house bc he is with me a week then his dads and he is so much worst when he comes back from a week at his dads and his dads house he is the boss there he gets whatever he want and can do what he wants im just getting so stressed out

[Sandman2]

    Oh boy, lots of stuff to help you.  But where to start?
First idea is that while food can be a problem - its probably not.  Sleep however is a huge difference maker.  If he is not getting enough sleep it will make all of his behaviors much worse.   And unfortunately kids with ADHD can have sleep problems.  I have a really long post here - http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/Im-losing-sleep/show/2077099#post_9846032
   to another parent whose child has sleep problems (among other things).  If you take the time to go through it you will find lots of suggestions and places to go if he also is having sleep problems as well as strategies for discipline.
   Trying to change the behavior of a young child with ADHD is very difficult, but it can be done.  I think that one of the best sites I have found giving specific recommendations of doing so is found here -
            http://www.onhealth.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm
       Also, I highly recommend that any time he tries to hit you he goes to an immediate 4 minute timeout.  Be very consistent with this.  The change will not happen overnight as experts say it takes about 3 weeks of immediate, constant intervention to get a change - but it will happen.  
      Finally, the book I recommend the most to parents with these kinds of problems is  "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.  Its about $12 on Amazon.  It may be the best money you have ever spent.  It covers discipline, doing homework, how to work with the schools, etc.  It will help you with all your kids.
     Please let me know if you want any more specific information.  I have lots to offer.  Best wishes.

[momof4soon]

he acts out alot right now we have alot of changes coming and it is affecting him alot more then his sisters so I am just hoping I can figure out what works for him but nothing is he is also lying alot as well he is well behaved whem my bf is here but if it os just me he never listens and trys to hit and kick me in my stomach

[allmymarbles]

There is a school of thought that places much of the blame for ADHD on nutrition. So much is slipped into our food supply that is inherently toxic that it undermines all our best efforts at parenthood. The first thing I would suggest would be to study the present problems with today's food supply and learn ways to avoid the greatest dangers. To protect your family you have to become a food detective.

Like you I am against medication. Not only are there current side effects, but we do not know the effects long-term.

[antoniiaNjosee]

My brother has that to in my mother has him in little kid sports its really good they get tired fast or a long day at the park helps to no sweets or cokes too .

[momof4soon]

yes but it is hard bc I have him everyother week bc me and his father r not togather anymore and the first couple of days it is readjusting period but today he was acting up really bad took almost never thing and time out and then I was putting all the kids to bed and my oldest asked him to lay down and to be quiet and he started beating both my other kids up and im starrting to get worried bc I am 21 weeks pregnant and dont know what to do he will be with me almost all the time starting in june bc his father is.moving out.of the state

[MarkLakewood3367]

What about discipline?  How are you disciplining him?