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compulsive stealing/lying
Our son is now 22 and lives overseas. As a child and young adult he had been diagnosed with ADD and was placed on ritalin. He also began weekly therapy sessions which continued through age 18. In the past year, he has stolen from people close to him (family, friends etc) as well as from us. He lies habitually. He has decided not to continue his undergraduate studies and has not worked. His hygiene we have been told has deteriorated. He simply goes from place to place, mooching off of others. When confronted with stealing/lying, he typically will admit wrongdoing. We have another child who is a successful professional. Both were treated similarly as they were growing up. Is there any hope? suggested treatment? It appears he exhibits no affect or conscience unless he is caught...Please help us.
My adhd 18 year old, stole $12,930.00, I'm sick to death, I don't know what to do.... I've raised him alone since he was 9, I know he took it, he also lied about where the money came from.
1 Comments
You kids problem is he is a theif not his adhd it doesn't make you a theif and a liar, I have it and know many people with it, idk why people are propagating this ignorance, very offensive to those of us living normal crime free lives please don't blame adhd for your child's bad behavior it leads other people to suspect individuals with the same condition of criminal activities
This sound so familiar to my situation prayer does work but I'm still finding it difficult
My son is 21 never been diagonised with ADHD but he started stealing money from us at about 9 was repremanded it stopped bus as he got older in his teens it started again now i am more concerned as he is stealing from my friends now after reading all your previous comments and questions I am not sure what my options are to help him
1 Comments
Stealing isn't a symptom of adhd I have it and know many people who do now people are propagating this ignorance that people with adhd are theives and liars...
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am guessing that along with his meds he did not get counseling or therapy on how to deal with his ADHD. Once the meds stopped, he had nothing to fall back on and began to self medicate, etc.
The insurance world has changed a lot since he was 18. He can now be covered under your policy till he is 26. Or under "obamacare", he probably could get an individual policy and pay very little if anything. He needs both behavioral therapy to understand what is going on with him and medication. So insurance is a big deal.
You also might want to check out this web site which pretty well explains what he might be going through.
http://jeffsaddmind.com/for-first-time-visitors
Hope this helps!
The insurance world has changed a lot since he was 18. He can now be covered under your policy till he is 26. Or under "obamacare", he probably could get an individual policy and pay very little if anything. He needs both behavioral therapy to understand what is going on with him and medication. So insurance is a big deal.
You also might want to check out this web site which pretty well explains what he might be going through.
http://jeffsaddmind.com/for-first-time-visitors
Hope this helps!
1 Comments
I know many ADD patients who do not steal, etc--I have not seen it as common trait ADD. Many children at certain ages will lie, make up stories, try stealing something, etc--not due to ADD. Many ADDers steal to buy street drugs to self medicate. At 24 it is his choice to get help or not--their are free mental health clinics in most cities. We can love our kids without being enablers(make excuses for them) for stealing or giving them money, etc. A good therapist can be a tremendous help teaching parents coping skills in how to deal with kids with ADD, ODD, etc. Therapis can also help even young ADDers how to learn ways to deal with impulsive behaviors, anger/rage, etc. Please check out free mental health clinics near you.
My son was a typical boy growing up with ADHD. I didn't have a problem in the world with him until he was 18. At 18, we lost his insurance and couldn't afford his ADHD meds. Every since then and he's now 24, he's been in and out of jail for stealing. He lies all the time and can't seem to tell the truth, no matter how small it is. He is very charismatic and very well liked until he steals from you. I'm lost, he was raised well....I raised him however his dad left us when he was 2 weeks old. He played all sports, got all the academic awards in elementary and all the teachers have always adored him. He was a model child with ADHD. Please any help will be appreciated.
He probably needs some counseling as there is probably more to his behavior than ADHD. Perhaps he has some unresolved issue for a long time which causes for this behavior to manifest.
COMMUNITY LEADER
It would be helpful to know how his ADHD has been treated so we are not reinventing the wheel. For example has he had behavioral therapy, medication, etc.
Also, is it. More then just food now? What kinds of things? Were his Sat. Jobs working for your parents?
Also, is it. More then just food now? What kinds of things? Were his Sat. Jobs working for your parents?
I completely agree with your comment. My brother is now 16 and he has been stealing since he was about 8. He would steal sweets, food and drinks all the time, even after eating, and then hide the wrappers in his bedroom. It has now got worse; he has been given 3 Saturday jobs now and has stolen from all 3. Both my brother and I were raised then same and I have turned out fine. He will always lie even when caught on CCTV red handed he claims he didn't do it. Lying and stealing are 2 very common traits of ADHD and my parents are now lost as to what to do. He has had every punishment under the sun but nothing seems to work. If anyone has any ideas please help. ONLY CONSTRUCTIVE IDEAS FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!! People who do not have ADHD children or siblings do not understand. I am close to reporting him to the police to hopefully get him back on track. He has ADHD he is not psychotic or anything.
1 Comments
Those are not common traits of people with adhd, that's false and a blanket statement as someone with how dare you let your personal experience with one individual cloud your judgement, I have adhd and know many people with it none of them are thieves or liars, I strongly suggest you educate yourself and find a different label for your kleptomaniac sibling.
Ditto this comment, annasmommy. The LAST thing we parents need is someone who doesn't know what the heck she's talking about creating a post that digs even deeper into our questions about the children we love beyond belief. Even when they mess up--sometimes daily and hourly. So, those of us who are intelligent, educated, up-to-date with KNOWLEDGE of our children's disorders will continue to empathize, educate, and support. Must be nice to be able to sit up on that "pedestal" and put forth ideas that only tear down the psyche of others. But that's not us. We'll continue to do the right thing, regardless of how hard it is. Take care.
Actually, you have no idea what you are talking about in relation to ADHD. You need to do the SCIENTIFIC research before you start throwing terms like "sociopathic" behavior out to a parent who is trying her best to parent an ADHDer. I assume, by your sanctimonious tone, that you do NOT have a child with ADHD nor do you have it yourself. This is NOT a constructive comment. More importantly, it is not accurate.
Actually, you have no idea what you are talking about in relation to ADHD. You need to do the SCIENTIFIC research before you start throwing terms like "sociopathic" behavior out to a parent who is trying her best to parent an ADHDer. I assume, by your sanctimonious tone, that you do NOT have a child with ADHD nor do you have it yourself. This is NOT a constructive comment. More importantly, it is not accurate.
Hi Patti,
Its really soul destroying when your own child is stealing and lying. I am law enforcement agent and my partner's son has ADHD. He is in his teens and goes to a prestigious private school. His behaviour socially is getting worst in public, he is covertly destructive towards other peoples property. He will on purpose wreck the item or steal it.
Over a year now, I have noticed a number of occasions where money has gone missing from my wallet whenever I have stayed over at my partner's house. I caught him a month ago rifling through my bag, he said he was just mucking around. His mum is a successful professional and he has been stealing from her too. But unfortunately she is in self denial that her son is the culprit.
I am in a difficult position now, I have around $500 stolen and being around him agitates me. A close friend of his has told me that he is also shoplifting from a shopping mall after school.
The way he is progressing, adult life will be filled with illicit drugs and time behind bars.
Its really soul destroying when your own child is stealing and lying. I am law enforcement agent and my partner's son has ADHD. He is in his teens and goes to a prestigious private school. His behaviour socially is getting worst in public, he is covertly destructive towards other peoples property. He will on purpose wreck the item or steal it.
Over a year now, I have noticed a number of occasions where money has gone missing from my wallet whenever I have stayed over at my partner's house. I caught him a month ago rifling through my bag, he said he was just mucking around. His mum is a successful professional and he has been stealing from her too. But unfortunately she is in self denial that her son is the culprit.
I am in a difficult position now, I have around $500 stolen and being around him agitates me. A close friend of his has told me that he is also shoplifting from a shopping mall after school.
The way he is progressing, adult life will be filled with illicit drugs and time behind bars.
I have a daughter who is just coming up to her 13th birthday. About 2 years ago, she started stealing food, make up from my bedroom, anything she can lay her hands on in the cupboards, opened all of her Christmas presents she has just found!!! Hides all of the rappers etc. Totally denys it, apart from when she is caught, but seems to not really care. No matter what, we can't get through to her at all. Lies all the time, saying its not her. Any advise on what's going on please, this is my first teenager. As I don't think this is normal behaviour. Also, she is very argumentative, although I know some of this is common teenage behavior, but to what extreme?!?!
I have always been afraid of exactly what you expressed here for children who become adults that have lied and stealed their whole lives. My son is 25 yrs. now and he doesn't seem to be improving, he had spent most of his young adult life in and out of jail. I am very afraid for him and what will become of his life. If you have any more information or further knowledge of where I can look for more answers, please let me know. I know his case is hereditary.
I have similar problems with my daughter who is now 32. She began the lying and stealing at a very early age. We always punished her when it was discovered. She is smart ,pretty and has everything going for her but........... when everything is going well she always seems to destroy it. She has taken testing for ADD and was told she has ODD tendencies. I am another parent at my wits end! She has a baby whom she and I adore. I don't know what to do . I am by myself in this due to my husbands death. I feel the only way I will find piece is to die myself. It just never stops.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Her problem is caused by the ADHD. Lying and stealing are common side effects with kids because they have no filters and act very impulsively.
Military school would probably be the single worst place she could go.
You said you put her back on the meds. If you are using the same dose as when she was 5, its probably not enough. I don't know what you are using, but these meds also have a limited working span. Some only work for 4 hours, while others can work for 8 hours. Point being, you should be doing this under the guidance of a doctor who can tweek the meds to her needs.
I also highly suggest that you buy the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. The book has a ton of things that will help you help her at home and at school. (its only about $10 on Amazon).
All studies have shown that a combination of therapy and meds produce the best results. Military school is perhaps one of the worst things that I can think of to help her. If you have any questions or need more information, please post. Best wishes.
Military school would probably be the single worst place she could go.
You said you put her back on the meds. If you are using the same dose as when she was 5, its probably not enough. I don't know what you are using, but these meds also have a limited working span. Some only work for 4 hours, while others can work for 8 hours. Point being, you should be doing this under the guidance of a doctor who can tweek the meds to her needs.
I also highly suggest that you buy the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. The book has a ton of things that will help you help her at home and at school. (its only about $10 on Amazon).
All studies have shown that a combination of therapy and meds produce the best results. Military school is perhaps one of the worst things that I can think of to help her. If you have any questions or need more information, please post. Best wishes.
I am writing because I have a 11 year old daughter and I am at my wits end with her. My current husband has raised her since she was 2 years old and she thinks of him as her dad. She was 5 years old when she was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. I tried medicine for her but she lost a tramatic amount of weight and walked around like a zombie so I stopped her medicine. Since she was 4 or 5 she has stolen and lied. I recently put her back on medicine and it seems to help a little with her focus but not the lies and stealing.She is failing in school and I dont know what else to do. My husband wants to send her to a military school over the summer and I don't want to send her away for the summer. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions for my problem?? Please help me.....
Thank you for setting the record straight lying, stealing complusivness are definitely part of ADHD. My heart goes out to all I am seeing this iwth my 26 yr old nephew, his Mom passed in Sept 2011, and she knew a lot about ADHD. He too has no medical and I need to try and get him in the right direction. He is smart, artistically talented. I wish you all well and success in finding treatment. to allymymarbles, LRM1021. netcindy
I am in the exact same boat as you. My son has been lying and stealing since he was a teenager. He is now 26 years old. We just found out he again stole checks from us and spent about a 1,000 dollars. He has stolen from his grandma and I have jewelry that I don't even know how long it has been missing. I go to get a piece of jewelry and it is know where to be found. This has been going on for years. I now lock up all my jewelry and extra checks in a safe. But sadly he still has the problems and now has a 2 year old son. We are desperate to find help for him. If you hear of anything please let me know. Best wishes for you it is a terrible thing to go through.
MY 15 year old son was diagnosed early on with ADHD and he has been stealing for a long time. I suspect he is also FAE he is adopted. His moods , lying and stealing intersetingly almost always form me. I am so tired of it. He always does the hurt why are you picking on me or I should just die card when confronted with it. He has been to counselling is in an adapted program at school, he has few friends I suspect he steals form them though none have said so, he has very poor social skills. And yet that said I love him dearly and has can be the most helpful and kind child. It makes me so depressed and sad and angry all at the same time. I work hard and I cannot afford to loose the money he is taking. I have gotten to the point were I cannot take my purse home. I just am at my wits end.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh man, talk about double trouble - I feel for you and your family.
Under the new Obama care laws - kids can be under the parents insurance till they are 26. But given your financial problems, this may not be an open choice?
Sounds like he started self medicating in high school and probably is still doing it. Unfortunately, thats kind of common for kids with untreated AD/HD.
Since I don't really know how the welfare laws work where you live - my only suggestion is that it is about time to have a heart to heart talk with him. Its time for him to face some reality. The stuff gets returned or he starts on a payment plan for replacement. If he won't do that - he probably needs to be out in the world on his own for awhile. Unless there is some kind of a dramatic change - things will only get worse.
This is a really difficult situation. I would try and find some counseling for you and your husband to help you through this. I wish I could help more. Good Luck!
Under the new Obama care laws - kids can be under the parents insurance till they are 26. But given your financial problems, this may not be an open choice?
Sounds like he started self medicating in high school and probably is still doing it. Unfortunately, thats kind of common for kids with untreated AD/HD.
Since I don't really know how the welfare laws work where you live - my only suggestion is that it is about time to have a heart to heart talk with him. Its time for him to face some reality. The stuff gets returned or he starts on a payment plan for replacement. If he won't do that - he probably needs to be out in the world on his own for awhile. Unless there is some kind of a dramatic change - things will only get worse.
This is a really difficult situation. I would try and find some counseling for you and your husband to help you through this. I wish I could help more. Good Luck!
I don't know where to begin,.My 24 year old son has been stealing from his father and I since he was young teenager. He has add never officially tested but he was in a IEP classes his whole life. The doctor put him on some adderal medicine in high school but it only made him speedy. Then we found out he was selling it. He was also smoking pot in high school and we tried to help but nothing seemed to work. He was arrested in high school for stealing with a friend car stereos. He claimed he was an innocent by stander and we believed him. I feel like I turned a blinds eye to a lot becase I wanted to believe he was good. Looking back we should of helped him more back than, Well now we have lost our business and our familu home and we are living with my sister and her husband. My son comes home here late at night to sleep only. I just found out he has stolen my husbands wedding ring my brother in=laws wedding ring and college classes ring. They are missing 2.000 dollars! My grandmothers ring is also missing. I am just sick to think he is that desperate to steal from his own family. I love him so much he is a good person but he is very secretive/ He needs help I don't know where to turn. He has no health insurance does anyone have any suggestions please!!!
desperate mother
desperate mother
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