You can always start doing step work. But, there are specific steps that pretty much require a sponsor (4th step for example). You know, I'm a lot like you. My self esteem issues seem to make the the last to get there and the first to leave. But, I've made a point to get there early and make friends. Trust me, everyone there knows exactly what you're going through. So, here's my suggestion...but a Step Working Guide. You can buy them from NA's website, but there's always someone at meetings that sells literature. Find that person at the next meeting, buy the Step Guide", and just say casually to the person selling them that you need someone to help you with the steps and ask if they had any suggestions. Trust me, people LOVE to be asked to be sponsors. It boosts our egos. If they have time they will say yes, but some may have other sponsees or be busy. Don't take a no personally. Just go do it! Your recovery depends on it!!! What you're doing now is called "white knuckling" it. It can be done for a while...but, the miracle happens within the steps.
Sounds like u have a plan...and agree it is hard to work the steps alone...IN NA I found sponsors are scarce.///in AA they r easier to find and they r the same steps...alcohol is a substance and substance abuse is substance abuse//many alcoholics are also drug abusers as well...anyway...find a place u r at peace at///not every meeting is the same and i found a group in AAwhere i fit in
found out after 1 1/2 yrs clean from hydro how easy it is to slip into another substance like alcohol////stress hit and alcohol called my name as it was so available..being a good gil i had cut off all my narcotic conections..but alcohol can get u into trouble faster than narcotics can if u abuse it..we r all different