Abusive Parents!

[Casandra_Lee]

I've been dealing with my Emotional and Physical abusive parents for 21 years now. They have manipulated, accused, trapped and lower my self-esteem. I Desperately want to move out asap. I have been getting these certain "talks" from them since I was very young. They would (and still) explain to me how I need to "change" and to be more "respectful" meanwhile, the problems in my intermediate family is my fault. To them I am a cold-hearted, careless *****. I have found myself in past abusive relationships with guys and feeling guilty to no end of what *I* have done. My parents have blamed me for those relationships, the closeness that my brothers and I do not share. My dad has over-the-top yelled in my face constantly when I told him to stop, he has hit me on the head and told me he was "allowed to". My mom has hit me as well on the head, arms, pushed me on the ground and have received bruises. The arguments have turned into me sitting there crying, to now me trying defend myself and lash out when I wish I wouldn't.
I have no friends, I have no close-relatives, I'm not in any relationships as of currently. I have told neighbors in the past, councilors from grade school and even in college. I've also went to therapy, but did not like the way she approached my situation nor did she have the experience of having an abused patient. Therefore, I stopped going.
I am at my wits end, emotionally drained and numb from suppressing my day-to-day life. I'm sick of running into the same patterns with people to the point I am afraid to get to know anyone anymore.
There is so much bothering me (even from my past), I want to stop going to college. I want to find myself and heal all this.

Is there any helpful advice you can give me, that would be wonderful. Thanks!

[jo929]

I hate to sound like a parrot, but i also like thatEmbrace rebellion  very good advice you have a way with words  jo

[margypops]

oh my I love that 'Embrace Rebellion"  wow make a great title for a book I am trying to write ..Great input for Casandra aswell, that is her way to go.

[allmymarbles]

Is there something you can do? Yes, you are 21, not a child. Leave home. Do not pass go and do not collect 200 dollars. Get a job and a place to live, preferably out of town. so you won't live in style and you won't make much money, but neither will you have to put up with abuse. I left my nutty mother when I was 19 and never looked back. After living hand-to-mouth for a couple of years I found a great job and was on my way to a career.  Never for a moment did I regret my decision, even though it started out in hardship. Buck up. Embrace rebellion.

[jo929]

i to feel for you in this situation just agree with them untill you can get out there has to be someplace you can go, and yes when you go, you will need some counseling remember as long as you live in your parents home they have the say i do hope you get an education and manage to get out, for now dorget your relationships and concentrate on your self   luck  jo

[margypops]

I am so sorry , no one should be treated like this, I do believe that you need to find your own place and move out, you are an adult now so you dont have to be there in that enviroment.I appreciate you have nowhere to go but you should be able to get some advice and help from a college counsellor, could you get some work I know a lot of college students do work in the holiday times, there may be some temp jobs coming up, it would get you out of the house more.Only you can do this and make it happen, its in your hands.