Abusive Parents?

[StephieSilence]

Hello, my name is Stephanie. I am now seventeen years old. I don't like my home life. At all. My parents are divorced and I live with my mother. My mother is a mean and cruel woman. I don't understand what I've done to make her not like me so much. She's hated me since I was a child, she even tells me. She's hit, beat, punched, scratched, shoved, kicked, and spit on me before. I'm so mental scarred from it now. The beatings aren't often anymore, because I've threatened to kill her. Instead now, she knows I won't fight back so she fights with me, picks on me, calls me names, shoves me, and tries to start fights with me. She's so mean to me. She likes to say that me getting raped was all my fault... And that really hurts my feelings. She will try anything to hurt me in some way. I can stand there and cry and she will just look at me with no emotion. I ask for a hug and she says get away from me. I just don't get it. I'm doing good in school, I'm not in trouble with the law, I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke, I obey the rules, I'm off medication and trying to do well in therapy... What am I doing wrong? She sees no difference in me and that makes me feel worthless and no good :(
Now, I really want to live with my father but he's not really great either. She has full custody of my brother and I. How can I convince her to let me go live with him? What should I do? I hate it here and I can't really take anymore bullcrap. I feel like I'm going to snap and just go crazy. Are all parents mean? Are all parents like this? :'( How can I get her to care about me? How can I leave?

[StephieSilence]

I will.

CPS has been notified multiple times and my mom has been charged. But they want to "keep the families together" as much as possible. Unless the abuse was life threatening, they won't do anything about it. I was told this by two of the social workers working for CPS. :( Lovely, right?

And my dad not really a great choice either but he is a better choice at the moment. My therapist is working right now to move me over there. It will just take some budging from my mother. Right now, she is refusing full on. And my dad is not too into it where he really wants to go to court over it. He just wants her to sign the papers and hand me over. I wish he'd take it seriously and want to take me in. I do have an adult who is not a relative but she is an amazing woman and said I could stay with her as soon as its legal. I wish I was 18 already, haha.

[StephieSilence]

Thank you and I will try my best to keep my head up.

[Nighthawk61]

It sounds to me like you should ask the police if they are going to physically remove you from your dad's house if you have chosen to be there because of your mother's abuse (before court); it couldn't hurt knowing that.

Also, I also suggest you definitely contact CPS and tell them that you are in an abusive situation and you will get a restraining order from your mom if necessary; in order to be placed somewhere where you can go to school and work.

Maybe you can get some assistance from your therapist to motivate your Dad to take you in for the year or until you're 18 at least.  The thing is, that he might be too embarrassed not to say "yes" (first find out whether the police can remove you). If the therapist assures him that this is temporary, and the police will not get involved , he may budge.

You're in my prayers young lady. Keep up the great work~.

[ku111]

Well, hun, we don't get to choose our parents but we sure get to choose what path our lives take.  Keep your grades high for scholarships and do ACT tests as best you can as many times as you can to get more money.  Even a little helps.  Then, you go out into the world and shine bright!  Keep positive people around you and be everything you want to be.  I try to look at bad things that have happened as a learning experience and know that I will help someone along the way because I really do understand.  You will do the same many times over.  I am so sorry about the rape but what I know for sure is it was NOT and NEVER your fault.  I know it hurts but the only way to fight back is to have the greatest life possible.  You win and he does not!  Not all parents are this way and you will have they chance (if you want) to be the opposite to your own children.  I can't wait for college to get here for you!  You are strong and a survivor and I have no doubt you will conquer the world!  Never let anyone tell you different.  In the end you have one person (two if you are religous) to count on and that is yourself and God above.  I wish you the very best!  

[StephieSilence]

Thank you so much. I try hard.. I talk to my counselor every time she comes over about the stuff that goes on here. She's trying to get me to move in with my dad. Now my dad isn't a good guy either, but he is way easier to deal with than my mother. I guess they both have their ups and downs. I visit my dad and I've told him. He said he will try to get papers for me to live with him, but he is very unreliable so... Who knows if he will. I stay with my dad on weekends sometimes. It's not consistent but I do get to see and stay the night there. I turn 18 on August 2nd this year. I can't wait. I am a junior, grade 11. But I've done so well in school that I am able to graduate early senior year in the winter. I'm trying to hang in there. Thank you.

[StephieSilence]

I do keep a journal and show my counselor when she comes to see me.

[StephieSilence]

Emancipation takes so long to actually do. :(

[Nighthawk61]

Wow, I'm really impressed with you for doing so well in school, and not acting out with drugs or alcohol because of what's been happening to you at home.  You are going to have a fine life when you get on your own. You should be so proud of yourself honey.

I'm so sorry that you were raped. Have you talked to your therapist about what's happening at home? I also think that you should talk to your guidance counselor about what's happening at home, and see what advice they give to you. The more adults that you can open up to right now, about what's been happening with your mother the better. Maybe they can help you to get to your dads place. Have you talked to your dad about what's happening, do you visit with him? Do you stay overnight with him? When do you turn 18? Are you in grade 12? You only have another 6 months until you;re all done. Hang Tough, my dear. You're not alone, so make some friends here, that you can open up to and share your feelings.

[blueboy121]

If you can't go to another relative and If I was you I would make a note of everything that happened. Write down time, dates, places ect. That is of course if you remember it all. Take it to a school counsellor or your head of year or even your form teacher and tell them what has happened.

[AnnieBrooke]

I was just wondering when he would be able to leave also.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  You could get emancipated if it is as bad as you say, but it sounds like you want to have some kind of parent in place.  I am very sorry that yours are not doing the job.

I've heard a few people say that Dr. Laura's book "Bad Childhood, Good Life" was useful, don't know personally but probably if it is not, there are other good books on the topic.  You are on the verge of being out there at the start of your new life, see if you can suck it up for just a little longer.

This site is a good one for understanding responses, and that might help some.

[StephieSilence]

:)
My brother is actually my twin, haha. But we look nothing alike. And she likes him... Unless I leave, then she tries to start fights with him because she doesn't have me around to do that to anymore.

[AnnieBrooke]

How old is your brother?  And how is she to him?

[margypops]

yes ..'When the going gets tough the tough get going"

[StephieSilence]

I'll try my hardest.

[margypops]

well chin up ...avoid her when you can, and think of a great future ahead .keep saving its a good thing .connect up with Dad if things get bad .....

[StephieSilence]

Yeah, here it's age 14, but my mom has full custody. So that means I have to go to court and get her to sign things and have a judge decide if she refuses. It's complete crap, honestly.

[allmymarbles]

I believe that at age 16 a child can choose which parent he will live with, at least in some states.

[StephieSilence]

Thank you for the encouragement. And yes, I will be staying near campus in my own apartment. That's kind of what I'm saving money for now..

[margypops]

well thats great will you be living at the college or nearby , you have so much ahead, so just endure if you cannot get away. Life is going to get better...

[StephieSilence]

Yes, I will be heading to college.

[margypops]

Thats good one has to get tough and think and make positive plans and not \let the abuser win...you have life ahead, are you doing well at school, going on to College?

[StephieSilence]

Thank you.. Ill try.

[margypops]

I am so sorry, not all parents are like this but many are and children very often have to endure...ou are 17 I suggest that you make your plans and leave when you can , of course you can call CPS to see if there is somewhere to go, then at 18 go to a battered womans shelter.., I think that your Dad would be able to take you if he applies to a court and I suggest you speak to him..Chin Up life has a way of changing for the better ..

[StephieSilence]

No, no one. ):