Birth Fahter Sleeping with Daughter

Question

My Husband and I have a daughter who is now 23 at the time she was 13. At age 12 I found out she was having sex and I freaked out, but my husband thought it was just fine. And I guess because I was upset about I became the outsider. My husband then began sleeping with my daughter for the next 2 years I never saw anything inappropriate but maybe I was to trusting.  MY daughter started being really moody and depressed it seemed , so I took her out for a drive and ask her about it. She got so angry with me for asking her that she said she never would have thought that of her Dad till I ask. To this day they still dwell on me asking her that. it just seem's to me if nothing was going on nobody should have got upset and they wouldnt still be dwelling on it if nothing happened

Iinzest · Answer

As a father I didn't freak out when my daughter began having sexual intercourse. I knew she had a few boyfriends and fooled around to many degrees. 
As sex positive parents we put her on birth control. 

my daughter is now 22 we are very affectionate we spoon and cuddle. and my son and wife do too.

melomelo2000 · Answer

Google "covert incest" I am just learning about this myself.

lynnePerucca · Answer

JUST an fyi..... Pedofiles are incestual. Pedo's do not differentiate kids.....bio or not....all the same to them predators.

TruthLady · Answer

I know this is an old post but I cannot believe that you didn't react the same moment he started sleeping in same bed with her. Like very same night he was going to sleep with her you should've said "oh no you won't"
My husband shares custody with his ex wife and he relatively gets very little time  with kids (30% of the time they are with him) and when his kids were younger he used to sleep in same bed with him, especially his daughter who was scared of being alone in the dark. Usually he would put her to sleep and come to our room, but sometimes he would fall asleep and stay there all night. But now he is 11 and I said that the time is up for them sleeping together, and if she is scared well tough luck, she has to stop being scared of the dark she is no longer a baby.

LisaMary1616 · Answer

I would call the police. I cannot believe you still have anything to do with him. He's not only a pedophile but an incestuous one at that! What are you thinking?!
 Are you brain damaged? Seriously? I cannot see how all the other commenters on here can be so casual about this. HE'S RAPING YOUR CHILD!!!!!! It's not sex, it's rape. Women like you play the victim and twiddle their thumbs while their own children are being raped.

kenneltech2 · Answer

I would clean house, NOW!  Something stinks in your house, and it seems to be coming from the bedroom where your husband and daughter are "sleeping".  YOU are the wife, YOU are the mistress of the household, YOU are the wife and mother, and YOU need to tell them to straighten up, you won't tolerate this anymore, you don't believe they are just lying in bed doing nothing (oh, brother), and that this will stop immediately.  She can either get a job and get the hell out, or she can pay rent and live in the basement, NOT to come up when you are not around, and if you find out she does, they are BOTH gone.   They show you absolutely no respect, so DEMAND it back.  And yes, they're "doing" it.

DeannaLei · Answer

This happened to me.  
I was adopted and my birth father found me.  I was 27.  He had stayed with my birth mother and had 2 more children.   As we all got to know each other my relationship grew closer to him.  All he wanted to do was show and give me love.  
He said he needed to be close to me to make all those years disappear and I grew helpless as he had sex with me.  I begged him to stop cause I wanted him as a father figure but he was so desperate for taking away his pain on loss.  I could not say no or leave or ask for help.

inam12 · Answer

Simple answer, none of any Father should sleep with his daughter in any case.

allmymarbles · Answer

The whole incident screams incest.

Kayannaboo · Answer

Why on earth would a father be fine with his daughter being sexually active at 12 years old?! That raises a red flag for me. And I also think its odd for him to be sleeping with her. In case noone ever told you, you did nothing wrong. It is your duty to protect your child and so if you sense something amiss there is a chance that you are right. I remember the first time my mother asked me if there was something going on with a family member I was so pissed off. I didn't speak to her for so long, I couldn't even stand her! But....she was right.

I couldn't stand her because she was right! There wasn't any actual intercourse but what was happening was enough to scar me up to this day. That may not be the case with your daughter but it very well might be and I can say from experience, do not rule it out just yet.

Annie may be right that something might have happened to her by someone who is not her father and she needed you to comfort her but I cannot blame you for coming down hard on her if it seemed like she was just having sex for having sex sake at 12! I know 12 even 10 year olds that have sex and its not by force but these men are grown losers who should know so much better! I am not being horrid by saying these girls are simply just having sex because they want to. Its true! They think they are grown and can handle anything according to them. Our children are having sex sometimes even more sex than adults! They are so exposed if you hear some of things that come out their mouths, they want 3sums and lesbian experiences blah blah blah...

You shouldn't blame yourself for asking her that question about her father, he has shown some unorthodox behaviour and you shouldn't blame yourself for being angry after finding out that she was sexually active. Maybe you can explain to her why you did the things you did.

Take care dear.

RockRose · Answer

I agree,  Annie,  that at 12 the chances are high that she was having sex with men,  not boys her own age.  I used to teach childbirth classes to teens,  and one time I had a whole class of 12 year olds (UGHHHH!!!) and none of the fathers were under 18.   The younger the girl,  the older the guy in those relationships.

AnnieBrooke · Answer

If your daughter is 23 and still resents that you asked her when she was 13 what was going on, I'd suspect that something was going on, but maybe not a sexual relationship.  Possibly it was a feeling that she was close to and protected by her dad, and sheltered by him from the cruel realities of life (having sex at 12 is a cruel reality no matter what else), and she thought you were imputing something heinous to something that to her felt safe.  This might be particularly true if you came down hard on her at age 12 when you found out she was having sex -- a 12-year-old having sex is largely the victim of someone else, and maybe in her heart she thought she needed support and protection and sympathy for her confused state, not anger or blame (if that is what she felt came from you).  I agree that maybe a therapist would be the one to bounce this whole thing off of, and maybe after you get some clarity on the situation, you and she could talk at the therapist's about what happened when she was younger.

jennpugli · Answer

For me personally I think your instincts are correct.  I don't know if there is anything inappropiate going on but the fact that he sleeps in the same bed with her sends up all kinds of red flags for me.  Do you sleep alone at night?  I think your right about why would everyone get upset if its not happening.  Do you see a therapist?  Perhaps bouncing this off an impartial party could give you some clarity.  I hope you get to the bottom of it.

RockRose · Answer

First off,  I think it's very odd that a father is "just fine" with a 12 year old daughter being sexually active.  Usually,  if one parent is "just fine" with it,  it's the mom but even that would be rare at that young age.

And then it's odd that at that point,  when it came to light she was sexually active,  he started sleeping with her.  

The dynamics in your family are really strange,  the way you have been made the outsider after all this time.

I would still suspect incest,  at least emotional incest.

Birth Fahter Sleeping with Daughter

What Is This Relationship Between Father & Daughter?

Have I done a crime?

i'm not sure if this is abuse/assault or an unfortunate situation

I was abused as a child by so 2 close family members

What Is This Relationship Between Father & Daughter?

Have I done a crime?

i'm not sure if this is abuse/assault or an unfortunate situation

I was abused as a child by so 2 close family members

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