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Avatar universal

Dont judge

Ok so im 16 weeks and i really need help. Negative comments are the last thing i need. I recently found out my due date and i have a strong feeling that my husband is not the father. I cheated and it was around the time of contraception. My husband beats me and im scared to tell him he is not the father and i have no income to recieve an abortion which will be very expensive because im up there in months. I jus wanted to kno are there any ways i can deliberately cause a miscarriage at this stage... Please no negative remarks i am in fear for my life and have no other option
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13167 tn?1327194124
swazay,  everyone is telling you this is more complicated than you are realizing.  I went to your profile to see if you live in a country that has Sharia law, and you don't say where you're from,  but I suspect you're living in the US where you have all the choices in the world.

I used to work for a crisis telephone hotline,  way back in the day,  and what I discovered is that there are people who are in constant crisis.  Because they put themselves in that crisis because they never ever see options that everyone else around them sees.  So they turn a little problem like an abusive relationship into a HUGE HUGE problem by marrying the abuser,  choosing to move out of town,  choosing to move and isolate yourself,  and now finally choosing to have sex outside of your marriage that got you pregnant.

And I'm not saying this to judge you,  I'm saying this to open your eyes to your options.  You had options then,  and you have options now.  No one is alone.  

Who came to your wedding?  Call one of those people on the phone,  say you are pregnant and being beaten and can you please have a bus ticket back to your hometown.  You are only trying to solve the tiniest,  tiniest part of your problem by aborting a baby when you should abort the marriage.  

Best wishes.  
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
You should leave because if you ever do plan in having a child, you can bet he'll beat that child too. Your life could be so amazing being a single mom is hard, but it's wonderful being a mother. Do you love the life you're leading? If not, change it.☺
Helpful - 0
804276 tn?1480858056
my god the first thing i want to do is come get u and have my husband take care of your husband,, but please dont do anything with your baby that you wont be able to live with, the unborn child had no say so in this matter, and is yours, your child, will b a blessing,, but call 911,, get an epo (emergency protective order),  when u get to safety, which is free... but when the police come they can take you or have someone come get you to some place safe.. there is help out there, people to protect you and your baby,, dont give up,, the police are there to help, and will,,  they have any information or can get it for you,,  peace be with you
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i agree with everyone honey you should find help and f you decided to abort the baby but stayed you should still find help.A update would be nice best of wishes
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
You needto get help and leave, not fair for the child.  Stop the cycle..it begins with you. Ask God for strength maybe this is a WAY OUT FOR YOU.  A message its time for a change. Get away from him he will kill you or ur child.  
3060903 tn?1398565123
You need help from the professionals at a Women's Shelter to figure out why it is okay for you to be abused. They will help you with long term shelter, an education so that you can provide for this baby if it is too late to abort the fetus, or ways that you can go to put the baby up for adoption.

If you want to be abused, in your marriage, please don't bring children into that. I became an addict at the age of 14 not being able to deal with the post traumatic shock of everything that i saw played out since the day of my birth. Please, please don't do what was done to me, to ANY child of GOD.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
You are not going to have this baby with this abusive man, i sure hope you would have NO CHILDREN in the house with this abusive man.

I came to hate my mother for keeping her four children captive of the same kind of A hole you're describing. In fact, I honestly hate my mother more. She wanted to stay "for the hope of getting ahead" as he was always telling her he was going somewhere in business (but never did because he was abusive to his colleagues and couldn't get along). I guess even she couldn't pretend that it was good to keep her family together, despite the abuse.

Do you have children? Do you want children? How long have you been married?
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
I understand that you had awful experiences growing up, but it certainly seems as though you're externalising your hate for your mother because of her passive role in your abuse - please, stop giving "advice" to women who are being abused if it consists solely of "if you stay with that man you are 100% EVIL".
Avatar universal
You say you have no income, I would recommend going straight to your local county welfare building.  Depending on your state you might be able to get Medicaid for yourself which would cover a termination at a planned parenthood.  Call planned parenthood or your local abortion clinic and see if they have staff that can an emergency Medicaid or emergency care application.  Also, welfare  can get you liked with a women's shelter and if there is not room then they can possibly put you in a hotel.  You have rights and do not deserve abuse.  You can file a temporary restraining order, and even if that does not stop him at least you have papers filed.  If you choose not to terminate the pregnancy, many churches have programs to help you escape such a situation.

All this being said, I am aware that leaving is much harder than imagined.  Best of luck

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I've been in your situation. Misscarrying  the baby will not make things ok. It will actually make things worse especially  if he wants to be a father. Not only when I was in your situation did my abuser beat me and cause a misscarage  but when he found out I was pregnant  he beat me so bad I almost died. You need to get away from him. Please I'm begging you for your sake to get a hold of the police. If you don't it will only get worse. And eventually  you'll either end up in the hospital  or dead.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You should go receive help like everyone said . And yes , leave him . Whether you lose your baby or not your still going to be in the situation with your husband . The baby isn't the problem , it's your husband . I think you should keep healthy for the baby , keep the baby , and find someone who can help you. Good luck !
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He moved me out of town away from my family and its just me and him. I dont have anyone but him and im scared to leave.. I kno I have major other problems but my biggest problem is this baby right now. If i can get rid of it I think everything will b ok
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
getting rid of it will NOT change him or the lifestyle he is giving you :( you NEED to get out!!!!!!! You would most likely regret this in the future. That baby is a part of you, a chance at a new start.......nothing to do with your husband. Leave, take care of YOURSELF........you could have a pretty SUPER and FANTASTIC life change REALLY QUICK, all you have to do is walk out the door!
Avatar universal
Like suzy said,get out and get help!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Omg,this is such an unimaginable situation, i feel for you mama.you are like 4 mths pregnant and i know u say u fear for your life but deliberately causing a miscarriage doesn't seem like a very good idea.are  there no family or friends that you can just escape to? i dont know your situation but it seems the best option is to leave
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please call your local women's shelter or a domestic violence hotline. You need to get away from the man that beats you and get to a safe place. They can help you, whether you want to keep the baby or get an abortion. If you can't call a shelter or hotline, go to the local police department and they can get you on the right track to a safe place. Please get out and get help.
Helpful - 0
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