Domestic violence- Just need someone to talk to

[JRR1994]

I have recently been abused by my boyfriend of 4 years. It's not the first time but he swore he would never do it again. This time I got fed up and called the food but felt guilty about them coming to put him in jail and losing his job. He finally admitted he has an anger problem and now wants to go to counseling to understand what's triggering his anger. Should I give the counseling a chance or should I just leave while I'm ahead. I really do love him and I have hope he can change but I'm really not sure what to do anymore. If he will hit me pregnant imagine if I wasn't. I'm not writing for anyone to judge my situation and have negative comments, I'm simply looking for someone who can just help me.

[Nighthawk61]

and/or you children learn from him their behavior. Kids start to show their behavior very early on, and often anger hatred and hitting are bestowed upon the mother. You have every reason to expect your partner willing to go to any lengths, to get this aspect of his personality under control. Like addiction, anger has a way of becoming unglued, even after treatment. So no matter what you may have a liability, and always looking over your shoulder for the other shoe to drop. Let's hope that your man has a huge epiphany that you can clearly see. A pragmatic spouse , under these circumstances, might also insist on marriage counseling so that you can both learn the most effective ways of communication. It's funny, they say that kids don't have a set of directions, or marriage, but in fact, that's untrue. There are ways of helping to ensure a successful marriage, it only takes caring , courage and humility, to talk to a professional.
All the best to you three.

[Nighthawk61]

It sounds like this baby might have a chance then to have both it's parents under the same roof. The way that your partner shows his anger, the extent that he shows his anger probably has very little to have to do with you. That's where a lot of women become confused. An adult child that has grown up in negative circumstances of abuse and victimization often show their scars for many years before they come to a impasse with a spouse, such as yours has done with you. It is only when they are given an ultimatum that they seek the help they need. Whether abuse/victimization, or being spoiled rotten, it's imperative that a person suffering from anger issues talks to a therapist to find their own unique underlying reasons for their outbursts. So I hope that he and you remain steadfast in your resolve to have him see an Anger Management Specialist. Lest your pain be in vain.

[JRR1994]

Since that Situation, everything has been great. Instead of letting his anger get that bad he leaves the room and cools down. He is more understanding now and we haven't even been to counselng yet. I think the cops really scared him and now he's still prepared to go to counseling. We have learned how to have a Argument and it not get out of hand and wake up in the morning  and overlook what little disagreement we had. Everything's moving in right direction and my household is becoming happier again. It took a lot of maturing from the both of us.

[evewisewoman]

I agree with Chima7's comments. You only give a guy one chance when
it comes to abuse. You said your boyfriend swore he wouldn't abuse you
again and he did. You may think your boyfriend loves you, but abusing
you is not a loving thing to do, is it ?  It sounds to me like basically you're
going to stay in the relationship while he goes to counselling to see what
is making him angry.  It doesn't matter what's making him angry.
There is no excuse in the world why his anger should turn on you.
That's abusive.  Abusers are manipulative. It's a cycle. The abuser hits
you and with this is often emotional abuse too. Then comes the tears,
saying I'm sorry. I'll never do it again.  I want you to think about this.
I don't know if you're pregnant right now, but if you are , you and your
child deserve a life of peace.  Children who are born into a home where
there is abuse, observe this abuse. Your boyfriend of 4 years has had
a number of years to go into counselling, to go into an anger management
program. You say, maybe I should leave while I'm ahead. I think you
should listen to that thought. You need to put your safety first, especially
if you're pregnant. But in any case, you owe it to yourself to leave this
dangerous situation. Do you really want to stick around and allow your
boyfriend to abuse you again or worse an unborn child and yourself ?
You don't want to become a statistic. I wish you well.  Eve

[tyimia]

I forgot to tell u to if u let him back into your life and he hits u there is a strong possibility that your child could end up in child protective services cps over a domestic violence case that's what happen to me u don't want that it will be hard to get the kid back.

[tyimia]

I have heard that same thing before from my kids dad i will change maybe i need to go on happy pills or go to counseling and from what I seen was a empty cup of poo once I took him back he started in on his same cap of jealousy. Good luck to whatever decision you make.

[Chima7]

This is a dangerous road you're on.  Your life is about to become a really bad lifetime movie of the week if you decide to forgive him and take him back.  You should only give a guy one chance when it comes to this. ONE. If he hits you ONE time, you leave, with no excuses, no backpedaling, nothing. You teach people how to treat you and by allowing him back into your life and ignoring that he is abusive, you're sending the wrong message that you're not going to leave when he hits you.

Right now of course he is apologizing and crying like a baby because he is manipulating you, nothing more. He doesn't love you. A man who loves a woman would NEVER hit her, EVER, no matter what the excuse. A guy like him will end up being the death of you someday if you take him back. I very strongly suggest you leave him to figure out his issues on his own and find a man who would not take out his anger on the woman he is supposed to love and protect.

[allmymarbles]

He hit you and you forgave him. That is a dangerous precedent.

[JRR1994]

They didn't  charge him with anything, they gave a warning since everything was calm when they got there n it was no physical signs of abuse. They stated if they come back someone is going to jail. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but I think giving counseling a chance is what I'm leaning towards. Maybe it's something he needs to get off his chest that's triggering this anger. I never experience this side of him until he was hit cross the head with a bottle while at the club from people fight around him and bust it open. After that he is quick to get angry.  

[RockRose]

There are a couple issues here.  Was he formally charged with domestic assault?  Is that a felony?  If he was charged and found guilty,  his options for future employment are very limited.  Do you want that kind of a dead weight partner for the rest of your life?

The other point is,  it doesn't matter what's triggering his anger,  although that might be an interesting counseling session.  What matters is he's too immature to keep from harming you when he's angry.  Everybody gets angry - most people are able to calm themselves down - because they want to.

[Prizefighter]

You know what to do.  What advice would you give someone else or your child.