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Emotional neglect

I've been married to the same man for over 18 years. We just had our 3rd and last child (a baby boy). He works hard and spends some of his time with our kids, but I feel as though he is emotionally neglectful/abusive to me. He does not support my goals (going back to school to finish my college degree for example). We married very young and I realized some time ago that we have grown to become different people than we were at the beginning of our marriage.

Will things ever get better? I know that I cannot change him, but lately I have been wondering if it's worth hanging around for another 18 years or not. I know that I could probably do better than this, but I was molested as a child and have a deep distrust for men in general. Also, I know that this sounds super paranoid, but I worry that another man might abuse my children, so I stay with their father - and take the emotional neglect instead. What do you think?

My sister (who was not abused) believes that I married beneath me and should get out before I waste the best years of my life with hubby... I am not happy in the marriage, but honestly, this is all that I have ever known marriage-wise. I love my kids, they are my entire world, I just want to do what is best for them.

BTW, I have gotten professional counseling and have worked through some of the abuse (I no longer blame myself for what happened) but I can't shake the paranoia.
3 Responses
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535822 tn?1443976780
Maybe you could still go after your dream and college and stay in the marriage ,a lot of us have chosen to stay together ,having children is one reason,if it is posssible to stay it is better for them until they are 18 however work to getting  your own life going in spite of him, sometimes that helps as you will become less needy in having to have his approval,it may even improve the marriage.
Helpful - 0
599170 tn?1300973893
hi there we seem to have some in common Ihave been with my husband almost 20 years married 19 this May...we have 3 sons but they are older...I have a suggestion for you that I wish i had done when younger But I am doing it now,,,you dont need him to support your goals, sure it would be nice but accept that he wants to keep you beneath him....go for your goals for yourself and your children,,,you can make it happen...Im 47 and just now going back to college so its not to late..live you life achieve your dreams we only get one shot at this game of life and please dont spend yours being unhappy....Im gonna need a little time but I got a plan and Im on my way to my dreams freedom and happinesss..I truely wish you the same..and I knwo just because Ive been happy for a few weeks that this is gonna be a long hard road but Im ready for it ,,,I will not die old and still in a miserable marriage..I wish the best for you ...try to enpower yourself be it counseling...see you MD you may be depressed...antidepressants helped me quite a bit my serotonin level was way low....good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Even though you say all you've ever know is marriage, you can make changes for the better. I'm wondering why your husband won't support your going back to school. Is he worried that you might leave him? It sounds like more counseling would help you if you have a distrust in men. Do you have someone to stay with until you figure out what you want to do? Sometimes getting away from the situation for awhile gives you time to really think. I believe your sister is right, if your not happy and changes can't be made then maybe you don't want to waste any more time in the marriage. Seperation and divorce can be very hard on children. Would your husband be willing to go to counseling if you tell him your not happy and your thinking of leaving? I hope everything works out for you no matter what you decide to do. Take care. Remar
Helpful - 0
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