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Grandpa sleeps with 8 year old.

We live in another state and come to visit our children and grandkids once or twice a month.  My problem is when our grandkids stay with us (at a hotel), our 8 1/2 year old grand son wants to sleep with grandpa and gets very upset if he can't.
   I didn't have a problem with it until this year when our youngest son came to live with us.  We were going to bring our grandkids home for spring break but their mother, our daughter-in-law had some concerns but our son and our grand daughter.  Where she got these concerns, I don't know because our son has never showed any interest in young children or young girls.  To be on the safe side, I told my husband of or daughter-in-laws feelings and we never allowed our son and grand daughter to be alone together.  Including during the night time.  My grand daughter slept with me and our grandson slept with my husband in another room, which my grandson was happy about because he wants to sleep with grandpa all the time.
   Now this Christmas, our daughter-in-law expressed concern to our daughter about a man at their church who she and other ladies at the church feel is inappropriate with young children.  My daughter told me the stories about the man and it didn't really  seem like anything bad.  (The man touched a little girls dress and told her she looked pretty, and another time he invited 7 children into the basement of the church where they have Sunday school classes, and he wanted them to see the fish tank he brought to the church for the kids.  My daughter says that my daughter -in-law got very verbal about it and said she is going to talk to this man about his inappropriate behavior.
   My husband is everyone's favorite uncle and grandpa.  He gets on the floor and plays with the kids, he's like a kid himself.  I think we all have a uncle or grandpa like that.  My concern is I feel my grandson is a little abcessed with grandpa.  The last time we were together, he cried until 1:30 in the morning because he couldn't sleep with grandpa, and he gets very upset when we leave.  He calls his father by his first name and his mom has a big temper (which she feels church is helping her control).  
   I don't believe that my grandson is going to grow out of wanting to sleep with grandpa.  My bigger concern is one day  he's going to talk about grandpa to his friends at church and how he sleeps with him every time he comes to visit.  Then the kids are going to tell their moms, who is going to talk to my daughter-in-law, who is overly concerned about men and inappropriate behavior.  Then the questions are going to start, "Does your grandpa touch you when you sleep together?"  The next thing you know, I'm going to have the police at my door.  It doesn't matter if you are innocent until proven guilty.  You will always be thought of as a pervert and my husband's days of playing with kids and acting like one will be over.
   I know my grandson has problems otherwise he wouldn't be so attached to grandpa to this extreme. Would like some info on that to.
   I talked to my husband about it.  I told him no more sleeping together.  So last weekend, it's time to go to bed and he asks if our grand daughter is going to sleep with me?  I give him the look, like really, you are asking me that because our grandson wants to sleep with you?   He doesn't feel there is a problem even though he know how crazy our daughter-in-law can get and the problems that can come because of this.
  Would like your input on this matter and the problems our grandson seem to have.
3 Responses
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3060903 tn?1398565123
Well, in my books, if a mother decides to not want her 8 1/2 year old son to sleep in the same bed as an adult, then, the conversation with me would end there, regardless of what i thought.

The big red flag here seems to be a problem that the grandson is so adamant that he sleep with his grandpa, and for that reason i would think that running it by a child psychologist on how to aptly handle the boys frustration at not being allowed to sleep with his grandpa or accept his mother's rules. I would leave this is the mother's court. We may not like or agree with what this women is all about, but parent's are parents. A Grandparent is able to talk to Child Services if they have concerns about their grandson and his obessess, as well. It may come out, if she were to bring the child in for psychological testing that she is in some way responsible for her child's obsessions with sleeping with Grampa.
Helpful - 0
757137 tn?1347196453
To protect grandpa you may have to turn the spotlight on your daughter-in-law. She is the one suffering sexual inappropriateness. But this is a very tricky business. You might want to get advice from a psychologist or psychiatrist on how to handle the situation
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13167 tn?1327194124
It seems to me that everyone is kind of tip toeing around this daughter in law who sees to have an unhealthy focus on sexual inappropriateness and sees it in places where it doesn't exist.  

She's dangerous,  in my opinion.  Do you know if she has a history of being abused herself?

Helpful - 0
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