I am so very emotionally drained

[Cherie762]

What is the difference in verbal or emotional abuse? I think my husband does both.It has gotten worse with each passing year. We have 3 sons ,(he is teaching them hoe to treat women, by them viewing how he treats me) I worry about that alot. I know I need to leave him, I think I will be happier, I am having surgery in 2 days, am staying with mother to recoop.( of corse this pissed him off) I am a certified nurses aide so I can make enough to support myself, although it will not be in the life style i am accustomed to. My hubby makes a lot of money, I am very ready to get divorced, I worry about my kids, the 11 yr old is coming with me. Do the 15 and 17 year old have the right to decide for their selves? God I want my life back, I dream of living a simple life, a small house, simple pleasures, and tranquility.
The abuse I have put up with, everything I do is wrong, I get called vild profane names daily. He screams in my face.If I do 100 things right he ******* about the 1 I did wrong. the list of rules I must live by is long. I have been cut off from friends, the right to spend money, the right to make choices like decorating  Our home, or what to cook for dinner. If I tell the kids "no" he will over ride me and say yes, all of this happens in front of them. I am angry with my self for not getting out sooner, I am returning to work as soon as healed from surgery, then seeing lawyer. I want to try to keep house till youngest graduates, the sell and move into something smaller.
I do not deserve this, I am decent looking for 46, I have a lot of faith in God, I am a humanitarian, I care about being good and kind. this is why I love my job so much, I have a real need to be appreciated, and at work I am, many patients request me, I listen and try to do the little things to ease their pain.
I think I will never be involved in a relationship again--I want time to get my back bone back, and enjoy my kids whike they are still young.

[rebel5]

i hope things have changed now since you wrote this cherie? how are you?

[ray31]

on behalf of all abused women everywhere, THANK YOU for wanting to more for yourself and your children. who cares how long it took you, he never managed to break you. you an inspiration....good luck,
  

[lonewolf07]

I think that's what I said  lol

It is better to leave a bad situation.  It might not hurt your kids - they might be glad to have a break from all the stress.

Only half?  lol  Ask for 80% and maybe you'll get 60%.  Don't know if I'm kidding or not.

When the idiot I so stupidly married walked out - two weeks after my daughter was born - I lost everything - the house, most of the furniture, etc.  I lived in the ghetto and my kids were raised here and they all turned out fine; in fact, I'm still in the ghetto.

But this isn't about me.  I hope everything goes well for you and your kids.

[Cherie762]

thank you,my minds basically been made up about him for a while, I hate to hurt my kids but I think its better for them to see their mother be strong than be a victim.I do not want them to think its ok to treat any woman the way they see their father treat me.
Poeple think i am so lucky because I live in a big house, and want for nothing material, but honestly ya never know what goes on behind closed doors.I will take 1/2 of everthing, child support , alimony and anything else I can get LMAO,,,thanks 4 caring   Cherie

[lonewolf07]

I did respond to your post.  Don't necessarily expect you to do anything I said - it's just my opinion.  I like to get different points of view and maybe take a bit from each one - something that "feels" right.  If you've just had surgery, analyzing can be difficult.  After having a tooth filled I'm out of it for awhile.

You'll do what's right for you and your children.  Abuse is abuse, whether it's physical or emotional.  It hurts and demeans everyone concerned.

Hugs to you from a total stranger

wolf

[RockRose]

I think you'll be amazed at how joyful life will be next year.  I was engaged to a guy who sounds like your husband,  and when we broke up I can't believe how freeing it felt.  Every morning was like,  a celebration.  Of course,  I didn't have the difficulties of having to raise children without a dad,  or the burden of going through a divorce.

Best wishes.

[Cherie762]

I am just analiticall by nature, I like to understand things. I think it was to sort out my feelings, but you are right it really does'nt matter because i already am recovering from surgery, and the soon my plan to leave him will be set into action

[Cherie762]

Do you ladies realise that this was my forum about a serious ( to me) problem and I keep getting notices that I am gettting more comments and all it is is you all bickering and I don't appreciate it take your problems to a different forum please. Thank you, Cherie 762

[RockRose]

bernie,  you're looking for excuses to beat other people up.  I know you think you're being "bullied" and "picked on" but in fact,  you're the bully.  I don't know your life story,  but you seem to have a lot of hurts and you're lashing out at people and pretending they have attacked you.  No one has.  Read your posts,  and imagine what you're saying to other people being said to you -

If you stop looking for a reason to be upset at other people who mean no offense,  you might feel a little more relieved.

[bernieotoole225]

to sara ,...........i cant understand when people can look at your pictures ,.....and judge you ,.........i was so hurt by all of that ,.....but you also made me angry ,............angry at that fact you brought my daughter into it ,........and don't even know me ,.......or anything about me or my life ,............a life i am so much struggling  with ,.....my son also died ,.......and im finding all of it to hard to deal with ,leaving out my husband ,.....i am here because i needed a friend ,..........in witch i have found some very good ones ,......oh and because you now realize ,!!!!..........you are saying you are sorry ,!.......why ?in the frist place did you ever go on like that ,........just think about it ,..........as ive said this is a sight for  people that need help ,or  even just a friend ,....and to go no like that in the abuse forum ,.....is not on ,...........try and take what i have said to you as good advise ,no way for a grown up to go on ,....would you like some one saying that to your mom after she lost her children ,..........am sorry but you said that for people to see  out in the open ,......not me ,............

[Sares]

Hi Bernie, I'm sorry, I now realise saw your photo in the wrong way.

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, that is terrible :-(

To :  Cherie762

To Bernie, I believe what you suspect - that you will be happier seperated from him - he has no right to call you bad names.

Sara
  



,

[lonewolf07]

I don't know you and it's really easy to give out advice but personally, I'd leave him.  Physical abuse can be seen, emotional abuse cannot.  You can be pretty sure your kids know something is going on.

If you can, get a lawyer and get every penny you can out of him.  Some "men" can only be hurt by getting to their wallets.  I don't know where you are to know if your older children  can decide which parent they want to live with.  Often kids are used as pawns in divorces.

You can't get your backbone back - you've never lost it, just misplaced it.  You said you believe in the Almighty.  Sometimes we just have to trust HIM to give us guidance and strength.

A good lawyer doesn't hurt either.

[bernieotoole225]

you call yourself ,..rockrose ,,,,,,,,,some rose ,poison ivy is more like it ,....and you sares , what kind of name is that meant to be at least i can call myself by my real name ,,.....i wouldn't even say you have a daughter ,...........and if you had you should be ashamed of yourself ,.........you are just two bully's ,......and nobody likes bully's ,.so go get a life ,.....................

[bernieotoole225]

to rockrose ,......../did you never see a doll before ,.............well i have ,if a doll  can ceep you out ,......you need to have yourself seen to ,........to sares,........and the same goes for you ,..........no my daughter is dead thankyou ,..........and she loved dolls ,.....is that ok with you ,........go and pick on someone else please ,..........i dont think you are one bit funny ,............and leave me alone ,.................i think you are the sick person ,.....not some guy ,...........

[RockRose]

Bernie,  what is the deal with those pictures on your profile?  I'm seriously creeped out.

[bernieotoole225]

hi cherie ,...........yes leave him ,........you dont need this in your life ,.....and by the sound of you and what you do do for sick people ,...........you are to good for him ,........he is treating you like chit on the bottom of his shoe ,..............dont put with it anymore ,.......stick to what you are doing after you get yourself better ,.....and have some Peace in your life ,...............and i do agree with you on not getting involved in another relationship ,.you enjoy your kids and your new life ,..............good look and all the best ,......i really admire you ,..........

[margypops]

You are doing the right thing and getting out,so I say this in retrospect,you have to stand up to a bully,and thats not easy ,. you did allow him to take control, he could not have done otherwise, but now you are taking back your life, the 2 older Boys are old enough to make a decision who they live with and I guess they will see the other Parents anyway.You are bound to feel you would not be involved in a relationship again but time may heal those feelings anyway as you move on, Good Luck sounds like you did stand  up to him Finally. as you are leaving,