Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
19352074 tn?1476235402

I don't know if I was sexually abused...

When I was younger (about 10) my family went church. There was this guy there that I instantly hated. Nobody in my family even disliked him. He would constantly try to get me to talk to him. I never would and I always refused to be around him. I didn't even want him to see me. I would tell people I would only talk to him if he apologized. (I honestly don't even know what I wanted him to apologize for.) One day at church he took me away (he didn't take me there but I don't know how else to say it... he led me?) to somewhere away from everyone else and tried talking to me. Asking me why I hated him so much. He tried putting his hands on my shoulders and hugging me, but I wouldn't let him. I left crying.

I don't remember seeing him much after that. I'm 18 now and just thinking about him makes me sick. I don't like hugs or being touched my anyone (doesn't matter if it's even a high five). It's because of him. That time that he tried talking to me by myself is kind of foggy in my mind. I don't know if something happened or not. I know he didn't rape me but am I feeling this hate towards him because of something he did that I just can't remember? Why else would I feel such hatred towards him? Why else would I hate being touched?
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
3060903 tn?1398565123
Is your only memory of this man in  church, with so many others around? Listening to a preacher can conjure up so much imagination in children, i think you may have heard something about the devil or abuse on earth, and associated with this man's face maybe. I agree with Rock Rose , that you definitely need to talk to a therapist and to your parents about the incident, but mostly focus on how to get past your current inability to socialize in a friendly manner, at your current age and at this time.

How was your home life? was there things happening that made you feel unsupported or scared ? Were you left alone a lot as a child ?
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Is your family able to sort this out with you?  This has only been 8 years -  it seems likely your parents or other church members could help you put a timeline on this,  and determine why you have reacted so badly to this person.  

I would be very hesitant to blame any current difficulties you are experiencing on a person you "instantly hated" when you attended church at the age of 10,  and go on to blame this person for why you hate to be touched.  

I would suggest therapy,  and focus on moving forward and not trying to unravel the reason why you hated this guy at first sight - but rather,  how can you overcome your current problems.  

Instead of looking back with puzzling questions,  can't you rely on the clear memories of others who were adults at the time who could give you clear insight?
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
I've heard that an analyst trained in hypnosis can sometimes unearth early memories, but you do want to beware of simply assuming this is what happened lest the analyst, in asking your about it, accidentally plant a false memory of it happening.  I don't know why he led you away, that shouldn't have been allowed by your parents.  In your shoes I would address these questions by seeing a good therapist.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.