Hi Medhelp,
I am a 23-year old man, recently engaged. In a conversation with my fiance, we were talking about how we would approach "the talk" with our children. I made a comment that it would probably come up naturally when we had to "check" them. She was confused, and I kind of brushed it aside.
When I said "check" them, I was thinking about how my mom used to make me pull down my pants so that she could check if I was "developing properly." I would protest, and she would say it was "her right," and that I should at least listen "after all she had been through raising me." So I would expose myself, and she would feel around and rub my private parts for a few minutes. I have vague memories of this from elementary school, especially when I was homeschooled (ages 8-12).
I had rarely thought about these memories conciously until this conversation, I think in part because I have been in a parenting class at the YMCA, and one of the sessions focused on physical and sexual abuse - raised in a tight, mostly Evangelical community, this was the first time I'd learned about it.
However, I have vivid memories of her telling me that she didn't have sex with my father (they were separated at times throughout my childhood) and that it had been unsatisfying, and of her grabbing my butt and squeezing, and telling me that it was "so good", probably a few times a week until I left home at 17.
I am wondering if this is the kind of thing that would be considered sexual abuse? I have a copy of my medical records, and there wasn't any medical reason for her to do this. It worries and scares me, as someone who hopes to have kids, that it took me this long to questions it, and that I don't know where boundaries should be.
And, is it possible to remember these things in retrospect? I have heard a lot in the news about false memories.
Thank you; sorry for the long question.