When does life become normal again?

[Greeneyedbeauty]

Long story short. When i was 14, (2 days b4 my 15th bday), my father molested me. I didnt want to tell anyone because he had said "dont tell anyone. Or else." I had finally told my aunt 2 months later because i had nightmares about it. She had overheard me telling my sister(who is also my best friend). She sat down with me and i explained everything to her. She was disgusted. She said that i had to tell my mom. I didnt want to for fear of her not believing me. So my aunt had told my mom for me. My mom started crying and said she believed me because he has a record for things like that in the past. We went thru all the court stuff and nobody believed me because there was no proof because i had waited so long to tell anyone. I am now 18 and its so hard to get close to any guy for fear that they will to, do the same thing or worse. I just dont know when life will become normal for me. I want to be able to live my life without fearing that he will come back and hurt me, or that any guy i get close with will hurt me. I just cant forget the feeling and how it is to live with something so disgusting! I feel like its my fault and i just want those feeling to go away so i can live my life like a normal teenager. Any suggestions? it would help a lot! thank u!

[kenneltech]

Get help, the sooner the better.  You are suffering from the stages of PTSD, which is totally normal.  I am 58 years old and just went through EMDR treatments for PTSD, due to continued sexual abuse.  Don't wait that long, get help now because it will only manifest and get worse.  Good luck, sweetie.  And, when you are in therapy, talk about your undeniable anger towards your mother for marrying someone that hurt you.  You may not think it consciously, but believe me, it's there.

[PomoLady]

I agree with Annie on this ....it is not your thoughts that are the reason for your condition. You were abused and it is normal to have flashbacks ....you may be in the early signs of PTSD....flashbacks are part of it. Your brain has suffered from the abuse and cannot figure out how to feel about what happened....I agree with most everyone who responded that a good counselor or therapist can help you.

They will be able to let you know what is normal to be feeling right now....all the fears and reservations you have of a relationship with a man are normal for abuse survivors. If possible you can study on the subject of sexual abuse surviviors symptoms, recovery however and this is important if it is too upsetting to you to investigate the subject then don't .....get counseling first. Believe me if you can start to heal from this now you will be better for it. I waited way too long. Good Luck and Treat yourseld well, you deserve it. Bless

[teko]

Your father is a bad man, your mother let you down as well. She said he had a record? Why was she not doing more to protect you? Regardless, you are left with the fallout of it all. I can only say to you that you need to differentiate their actions with your feelings. It is never a childs fault because the adults in their life are nuts. I would hope that you would get counseling so you can see things as they are and not make decisions in life based on the emotion of what has happened to you. You must put things in perspective so they do not continue to dictate who you are and how you feel about life. It is a terrible thing you have lived thru, dont let it ruin the rest of your life.

[allmymarbles]

It is important for you to understand that almost all men are decent. Your father was an aberration. Don't miss out on life by attributing his perversion to every man you meet.

What has happened has happened and there is no way to change it. So you have to put it behind you. That may sound facile and insensitive, but, in fact, it is the only way you will survive and begin to enjoy life. And, believe me, life is fun - and a loving sex life is a good part of that fun. (Take it from an old lady who has been married almost 50 years.)

[margypops]

With respect it is their thoughts that at that moment are making them feel bad, my opinion .the fact that she is going back to the abuse and 'thinking' about it,she says she cant forget that feeling, so Greeneyed I say it again try to help yourself by switching the thoughts, I know its not easy .., I am also assuming as it all went to court you got some counselling.

[AnnieBrooke]

With respect, when someone has been sexually abused, it is not their thoughts that make them feel bad.  Something real happened to them that should never have happened; they did not bring it on themselves by not having the right thoughts and really can't cure it by changing their thoughts.  Sure, once a person is feeling better, she can think more positive thoughts and bootstrap herself into a better place, but it takes more than that when the betrayal is this massive.  That's why I recommended finding counseling.

[Jesusluvme]

Hi I am also someone who was molested as child many times, by many different people. God was the only one to help me. Everything I mean Everything happens for a reason and now I am happy that it happened to me although it was a very bad abnormal experience, The good Lord has turned ashes into beauty and has given me compete understanding and peace with it. So my advice is Seek the Lord for peace, healing and understanding. Your in my prayers

[margypops]

I echo what the others said, life becomes normal when you let it be 'normal;' you will always have times when you will go back to what happened to you,but you dont have to dwell on it, it was a bad thing happened , but its done , its time to fill your life at your age with good and positive things, you can never change that it did indeed happen but you are in charge of how you live your life now..So get going, think positive thoughts,get working , hobbies..Its often our thoughts makes us feel bad, dont let them ...good luck life is just begining .....

[AnnieBrooke]

Listen to Narla, sweetheart.  Get help as soon as you can, counseling will help so much.  It was NOT your fault, and everyone in the world is not a horrible abuser.  It was just bad luck that your father was.  I hope you can get counseling really soon.

[narla]

I was abused when I was 7 it has taken me 41 years to get the help I needed to deal with my feelings and emotions,don't wait go and get counselling,find someone you can be comfortable with,it took me 3 counsellors before I found someone I could talk to without inhibitions.When you find the right one for you you need to be honest with them tell them everything,they know how to help.They can give you coping strategies to deal with your feelings of guilt,blame and disgust.
Just remember what happened was not your fault,you are not to blame,I know that sounds easy with words but you need to believe it.
Please get the help now don't let it ruin your relationships with others.

Good Luck and Take Care  Denise