Oh Brother

[Jazzmin_15]

Ever since my brother was 2, he has had major anger management issues. When I was little, my mom used to abuse me, it was a good day if I only got spanked with the spoon once and nothing else. My mom abused me so often when she got mad (verbally and physically), that my brother picked it up from her. Whenever he got mad at me, he used to lay on top of me so I wouldn't move and pull my hair and pinch my skin and he stole the "spanking spoon" from the drawer when my mom wasn't looking and hit me with it. My mom stopped hurting me when I was 11. My brother hasn't stopped. I'm  now 17, and he's 4 years younger. It's so embarrassing, the fact that he's smaller than me yet he has so much control over me, u know? I know siblings fight. I know that at this age, guys get super angry cause of their hormones. But he's done so many horrible things to me, like sprained my wrist, shoved me into a metal cupboard (hit my head hard), damaged some tissue in my arm and he tried to strangle me once. He's getting bigger and I'm getting weaker. Most of the time, I barely say anything to him, he just takes out his anger on me. I try talking to him but he constantly tells me, "shut up, no one cares about what you say. No one wants to hear you talk." "Leave already. No one wants you here." "You're so fat stop eating." and my personal favourite "I hate you. Go kill yourself." My mom knows. He also yells at her and calls her stupid and it really offends her, as well as I, since she never got a chance to go to school and already feels really stupid as it is, and him saying her just makes her feel like trash. She saw him beating me up once and she literally just sat there, telling me "come on, fight back. You're so weak, fight back." and it freaking ***** cause I hate fighting back. What's that gonna do? I'm not a hypocrite. I don't beat him up to teach him a lesson to not beat me up. I don't believe in that. No one really knows about this and idk what to do about him. I mean he's been good for the past couple of months, but he started up again. He does that a lot. He'll stop for a while, and then come back stronger than before. Sometimes I think that it's my fault. Maybe I said something the wrong way, maybe I'm just rude to him. Maybe I deserve it. Other times I think, whatever, it's been a while since he's done something, maybe you're just being too sensitive or exaggerating. Maybe it's not as bad as you make it out to be. But in the back of my mind I still think "even if I am rude to him, even if he's stopped, why does that make it ok for him to hurt me so much, especially after I defended him against everyone in my grade who bullied him."  Whenever someone used to ask me who was the 1 person in the  world that I could never live without, I would say my brother. Now whenever he's gone I don't even miss him and I feel like the worst person ever saying that, but it's true. I used to use the arts to escape from my negative feelings (poetry, music, acting/TV/Movies), but I kinda just stopped. Now I use all of my negative energy and turn it into fuel, which added with my severe anxiety (yes, i was diagnosed) allows me to not be able to sit still or even breathe, which is becoming rather bothersome. Am I blowing things out of proportion? Am I being to sensitive? What should I do? Please help.

PS. When he hits me now, I just kinda let him cause I know I'm too weak to fight back. Every time I try to push him off he hits me harder than before. I've become somewhat paranoid, whenever someone walks by me quickly or pops out out of nowhere I cover myself ready to be hit, but soon realize that they weren't gonna harm me.

[kelsbby19]

Well honey im sory but youve been given lots of good advice here.. it honestly seems like your just making excuses to not get yourself away from a horrible situation. Of course I meant for you to tell your parents about yoy going with a family member but what you need is to get away from the abuse.

[Jazzmin_15]

I can't just leave because I still have to attend school and we go to the same school anyway and I shouldn't leave my parents alone and worried like that. I try to get out of the house as much  as possible tho and it's worki but it's not fixing anything. Also, my mom has not yet been diagnosed, they are in the process of running tests on her but the doctors seem really worried it's something to do with her liver but idk what

[Jazzmin_15]

I feel like calling e police is a bit much. I mean, he never means to do it but when he's angry, he becomes raging and blind all at once. My mom is getting really sick and that's why she's unable to step in and do anything, she's been through the same thing as I and doesn't want me to not fight back like she didn't. And I live in Canada, not the US lol and thank you so much

[Jazzmin_15]

My father is rarely home. He's the only working parent so he works a lot to keep us living. But also, my dad used to be like my brother when he was little, so he's very quick to defend my brother without even knowing the story and he gets angry with me if I'm angry/upset with my brother

[ROSYouralright]

You are so sweet.
With his behavior he's going nowhere fast. Its sad to say but if this isn't stopped NO GOOD CAN COME of this.
Next time he takes to hitting you I would pick up the phone and call the police.
I know  he is young but it's time for someone to stop this insanity!! It's obvious your mother isn't going to do anything constructive to remedy this situation.
It is MUCH BETTER that he faces some consequences NOW while he is still young than later when he could end up in prison or dead.
Making excuses, allowances, or covering up his behavior honestly won't help any of you. IF, the next time he lays hands on you, you call the cops out he may have to suffer some consequences for his behavior but its EXACTLY what he needs at this point! One day he will thank you. Also the police will question where your mother was during the attack. Maybe this will open her eyes & spur her into action. At bare minimum she will learn to STEP IN & STOP your brother when he starts acting this way. He's young and hasn't been taught any better. Maybe it's time for him to get SCARED STRAIGHT because it is apparent that your mom is not taking any measures to prevent/stop/remedy any of this.
Maybe even she doesn't know how....
I think getting the police involved will be a step in the right direction.. They have alot of resources & may be able to point your family in the right direction.
What state do you live in? If you would like, I will try to find some family resource links for you guys.
I want to help you if I can!!
Feel free to PM me if you would like & please know that you are in my thoughts & prayers!

[allmymarbles]

Where is your father?

[Jazzmin_15]

Thank you very much

[Yesidid]

You are a sweet sweet girl. I'm so sorry that you are going through this but I don't have a quick solution to this for you. I want you to know that I'll be praying for you.  Keep watching for replies. There are a lot of smart and caring people here. I'm sure that you will get some great advice soon.