Paranoid or is this incest?

[Tucker4275]

I've recently started seeing a man who lives with his 18 yr old daughter. They seem more like a married couple than anything else and it's begun to concern me.  Especially when the other night after making love he & I got on the topic of 3soms and he said he'd had one once at the house. For some reason I asked where his daughter was at the time and he said, with a straight face, "she was there too". When my eyes widened and I said "what?!" he paused a bit too long then smiled and said she was gone, out. But there was something about the way he said it that made me believe he was telling me the encounter was with her (and one of her friends?)... That he'd been testing my reaction. Especially since in the past he has answered things in much the same way only to act like it was a joke; but more often than not I find his "joke" answers are the truth - he always admits them later.
He & his daughter are very very close. She acts like his wife. Always calling to see when he'll be home.  It makes me uncomfortable although she doesn't seem to have any problem with our relationship. It's strange. Lately I wonder if I imagine it all or if they are sexual or have been in the past. Something about the way they interact screams "relationship" - although they are careful not to be too physical around me.
What signs of incest should I be looking for? Is there anything telltail that will confirm my assumptions?  Why would anyone mention their daughter when talking about who a sexual encounter was with? Isn't this odd? I don't want to find problems where there are none but don't want to be in this if it is what I fear. I'm afraid I already love him so even putting this out there is hard & seems like a betrayal. I just don't know if I should trust my instincts or not. Maybe I am paranoid??  Any advice is appreciated.

[Nighthawk61]

that's the kind of thing someone on drugs says to a prostitute. I'm sure you're not being paranoid. threesomes are also things that men say a lot when they're on drugs. does he do drugs?

[deezevil1]

Test the water, if the question comes up again ask him more and act interested p, then bring up his daughter, if you can, record the conversation with your phone, if it's true report his sick perverted *** and help his daughter!! It's not her fault, she may have been groomed from a young age and been manipulated to thinking it's his way of showing her love and affection... So sorry to hear this, I prey it's not the case.... Deezevil x

[Brumblebee]

Trust your instincts and judgement. Most often, they are correct. What stood out to me is that you said they seem like a married couple, and she calls to find out when he's coming home. The 'joke' he told you, is probably not a joke, Im sorry to say. Someone who really respected his family, and respected you and was worth your time wouldnt joke like that. Even if there's nothing going on, it's not a healthy or safe place for you to be.
..the daughter needs help too, because she's being grossly abused. She's only 'ok' with it, because to her it's normal- it's always been there. Parents are supposed to teach what's right, and what's wrong, and this young woman has been violated.

[Annehuston]

If you feel this is going on and if you feel uncomfortable it would probably be best to leave him

[beautiful1273]

Wonder what happened?! Did he become depressed when the daughter left for college? Did the daughter have a child " out of wedlock "? I bet she moved on!

[JWest94]

I am a little confused by your original post. You say that they act like a couple, what exactly do you mean? Can you give some details or specific situations that make you feel this way. Also what do you mean when you say, "they are careful not to be too physical" around you? How do you know they are any more physical with each other when they are not around you?

Just from reading what is posted already, I have to say I think that this was just a situation that was awkward for both of you. Keep in mind, YOU were the one that brought up his daughter. His reaction to your question about his daughters whereabouts during a sexual activity may have been strange because it was strange for you to ask the question to begin with. He probably made a joke about it instead of having to be creeped out by his daughter being brought up in the middle of a sexual discussion.

I think the behavior you're describing between the two of them seems normal. I am assuming that they live together, just the two of them, so of course they would be very close and want to know things like when they will be home. Keeping in contact throughout the day is a normal thing between family members.

[wuttaday]

Hi. I'm a little bit new here. But.... I do agree with that we can CHOOSE, not be dictated to... whom we love. More power to ya, Tinker! Also, I just want to say that I do LOVE & ADORE you & I built character, not just good looks... many years ago.... I just hope someone appreciates it. And I do live in So.FL. But I love the ocean & the lifestyle. I just hope I meet someone who loves my character! I have been building my character for over 30 years. I have been told I am also good looking. BONUS! But..... when I don't have the physical good looks, I hope I have built enough character to meet the man whom I deserve!!!!!  

[hperske]

She said the man lives with his 18 yr old daughter,  not that the man is 18.

[Kayannaboo]

OK first and foremost RUN....fast! The 3sum thing should be more than enough for you. You do not want to get entangled in something like that, whether or not you have suspicions about incest or no.

The fact that his daughter acts like his wife is really not a big deal if it is ONLY based on the fact that she worries about his whereabouts etc. I am like that with my parents, both of them. I ask who, what, where and why. Its nothing except I am close with them. It all depends FOR ME on the type of relationship we all have and the kind of boundaries your parents set. My mom is an open book and my dad is all up in my grill and doesn't mind that I do the same to him so I ask questions whenever I wish.

However, the fact that he tells you his daughter was right there and his reaction and your reaction RAISES THE REDDEST FLAG THERE IS. NO ONE in their right mind would joke about their kids like that or even think about it. You will end up in some serious trouble if you continue with this man.

Anna

[allmymarbles]

I was once in a similar situation. I was young at the time and didn't quite understand what was going on, except that I knew something was odd. I spoke to an older man I knew and he explained things. Then, when I was older and more sophisticated, I ran across the same situation again. This time I did not need an explanation.

Your instincts should be your guide. You feel something kinky is going on. Assume it is.

[specialmom]

Well, why would you want to continue dating someone that you believe was testing the water to see what your reaction was to him having a threesome with his daughter and a friend???

Even if you just suspect he was trying to tell you that, it's weird.

This seems like a no brainer.  Move on and find a better guy.

[lynnePerucca]

I would go with my GUT instincts. Any father who would "joke" about a threesome with his daughter is sick. Also please remember (or understand) pedo's DO NOT distinguish their OWN bio children from others. RUN!

[Rosie2u2]

Do we not report these findings to authorities?

[GrowUp2]

Signs of incest...The lack of appropriate father daughter affection...hugs, kiss on check or forehead, I love yous, and healthy horsing around. Without these things...What has taken their place. Foul language, inappropriate clothing, over exaggerated laughter from the daughter, inappropriate sexual jokes, inappropriate sensual touching or sliding by when there is room to get the f&*k out of his way. Wearing nothing or next to nothing and being comfortable with it. Use a black light on her bed when the covers are pulled back you will see all the *** stains like I did.

[GrowUp2]

Check it out...I just got out of a relationship with a guy that said those same exact words "Don't start problems where there aren't or ain't any!" was this guys answer when I told him that I thought that him and his daughter needed to wear appropriate clothing around one another. Then when I said his Daughter told me that "He takes care of her needs" before and after her period because her sex drive is just as bad or high as her dads. That they are exactly the same people but different genders! She was 16, 5' 10" 250lbs when she first told me this. Told me " Not to try and stop it or she would get rid of me too. Like she did the last one!" I was like wtf! His response..."Im not gonna stop my daughter from looking out for my best interests!" I was like OMFGWTF are you serious?!?! Never tried to correct her actions or words! He just laughed all creepy. Then I threw up. Packed me **** and drove 3.5 days back home!!! Sick twisted fks! I am pretty sure they waited a 3som too. By the way she would come on to me. So gross!!! I caught him rubbing up against her both only had underware on in the kitchen of their one bedroom apartment!

[one_small_act_of_kindness]

I know this is many years later, but if anyone needs it again, here is my, and many others' support for you. RUN. LEAVE. Do NOT listen to thoughts of "it's probably nothing". Please, please trust your instincts. A man is not worth a sacrifice as big as that, and obviously he's abusing his daughter. Even if he wasn't, a man that jokes to you like that, and makes you feel uncomfortable is NOT a good man for you. You are NEVER paranoid, please. Leave before you start this relationship, as later it will be even harder to leave, and the consequences may be big. If and only if you and the daughter are very close, you could, if you want, possibly talk to her and get her help. Goodluck, and talk to people. It's great you reached out.

[Meg51482]

ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS

[Newman2440]

You probably are right about this.even if you stay with him and he is having sex with her it won't stop. So break up with him.

[Beachgirl18]

There is only 1 thing you need to do here and that is: listen to your gut!! If you're asking the question, your gut is giving you the answer

[Seenitall]

It's been years since your initial post so hopefully by now you know. It's very plausible my ex and his adult daughter has a going on. I felt the same way but thought it was too bizarre until I caught them right about to engage in some kinds of sexual act. He confessed, I left but years later I believe it's still going on. He has a fiancee but they still act like a married couple, the daughter him. It's the most disturbing thing that I've ever witnessed. It's been over 6 years ago and I still can't get it completely out of my mind.

[Wannie36]

How old is his daughter now? Have you or are you able to speak with her about the fact that she is a victim. She needs to tell someone. To get help. To get away from him. This really needs to be reported. Does he have other children? He could be a danger to all children as it seems his perversion started when his daughter was at a young age. I'm sorry that you witnessed this but now the onus is on you. To speak for someone who has no advocate and no one protecting her. This is criminal.

[Free_Ma]

Everyone here is on the same page. God gave us instincts for a reason. Unless you're on medication that could affect your reasoning, TRUST IT. There are some really sick folks out there. Heck it may not even be his daughter.  Who's to say you haven't walked into a real life Law & Order SVU?

[mycoly]

Trust your instincts.....  Run do not walk the other way!!!

[strongereveryday]

I know it's years later but just in case... I'm a incest victim ( biological father ) and he too would make jokes like this to his girlfriend's. Other dad's ( good, gentleman dads ) didn't and wouldn't even think of such a thing. So if you're still in that ( I pray not ) or encounter a similar situation, RUN...That's not just instinct sweetie, that's God telling you that it wasn't right. Don't blame the daughter though. She may seriously not know any better. I was brainwashed into believing ( I was so young just barely over 10 ) that it was normal, just not ever talked about. Then almost a year later I was told that if I conceived he'd beat it out of me and if I ever said anything he'd kill me. A child/teenager/even woman can easily just play a role to try and make it easier while praying to God to send someone to help.

[pat254]

very sorry. May God give you peace, Wish he gets punished. had to sign up to tell you

[Avilina]

It's been years since this question was asked but I still want to answer it. This situation could go either way. If he is someone of a sarcastic nature then he was probably just being sarcastic. If he isn't the sarcastic type then I'd be super questioning their relationship because it was such an odd response. But other than the odd response from your boyfriend you didn't actually give any examples of girlfriend types of behavior from the daughter. Also I disagree with people about always trusting your gut. The human mind can sometimes jump to wild conclusions. Especially mine since I am OCD and I sometimes have inappropriate invasive disturbing thoughts/ worries. I sometimes worry people or even myself will do something completely outlandish compared to their nature. Also people bring up an interesting point that if you consider three-somes something you wouldn't be interested in then maybe you aren't a good match. Technically they said you should never date someone interested in three-somes but they are obviously very biased. I say to each their own. Nothing is wrong with a three-some as long as all people involved are consenting adults.

[Snydz]

I think if these thoughts are going through your head, there is a reason and I doubt you are being paranoid. If you question that this could be happening, that he could do this type of thing, why would you stay?