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Avatar universal

Supervising my grandson

In Sept 2005 my daughter had a son that year and had a live in boyfriend who eventually fractured my grandsons skull which led to my daughter losing her son and being brought up by his paternal grandparents,since that time I have continually had to supervise my daughter with her son,It was not her fault just a wrong bloke who couldnt admit to not coping with a baby,I get no money or support from social services for petrol as he lives 8 miles away and its controlled times and in holidays it can be 6 hrs for 3 days,I am a carer for my other daughter for many years and that was not even taken into consideration at the time,The other grandparents bring him up and has a residents order so social services as closed the case now..I have had letters done by doctors which I  have paid for to say I cannot do this supervision anymore but no one listens..is there a way that social services can be made to drop this supervision order and let his mum have him back now as she is more mature and settled now with someone and not with any abusive partners no more,she has felt bad about what that ex done to her baby he dropped him he said by mistake 3 times in different circumstances,he was never charged but my daughter has to live with the cost of not having her son with her no more,she has never harmed her son in any form and has done what they said in the past been to parenting classes etc none of it does any good,They just made sure they have nothing more to do with the case by closing it and making my life worse..If my daughter had her son back I would just walk to hers instead of driving to get him and take him back on my expenses which we do not have and not reconpense either,we cannot have a holiday cos i cant afford it with the petrol and running around expenses of supervising.and paying to go in places cos i am supervising..in a day i have to travel 32 miles in one day and for supervising its disgusting what we have to pay for when we cant afford it,I have paltrey carers allowance and my husband is on jobseekers I pay the bills on what we get for my daughter as we wouldnt be able to live or even pay any bills..
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973741 tn?1342342773
Well, I'm sorry.  It sounds hard and unfortunate.  I honestly don't know what you can do other than begin to just not make the trip to pick him up.  Your daughter may then contact the court herself saying that the person assigned to supervise her visitation with her son is unable to continue and now she isn't getting time with him.  What are her options?  That might get more of a response???  

I do understand you are getting the crumbs left over by the paternal grandparents.  You'd like to think you had some rights as well.  

Anyway, it's difficult.  I live in the states and we have situations like this but it sounds like our social services and court system treats situations a little differently.  

the paternal grandparents should know that it is in the best interest for this boy to know his mom.  It would be helpful if they would make some effort too as in driving half way and meeting and things like that.  That's what happens in a divorce situation---  both sides work together for the benefit of the child (well, that's how it is supposed to work any way).  too bad the other grandparents are unwilling to see it this way.

Does sound sad for you, your daughter and the child.  good luck
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Avatar universal
Also just thought I would say as well that we did me and my daughter have someone who was going to supervise instead,but this person would have to pay everything and where they go out with them as well of there own money,plus they couldnt have any family responsibilities like children etc but the person who offered wasnt suitable enough for them and i thought that she could take over when I couldnt do it,but no social services expects the one to be the superviser to be just the one and only and cannot be shared,this is our stupid justice system where I think that peoples rights you have to fight and have the money to do it as well,otherwiise you have to put up with things and thats it..in this stupid country..they penalise all the family and when its not even our fault and dug into our past as though we are common criminals,I would like to see someone else put up with this crap..if i was rich it be a different story..
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Avatar universal
I have been doing this for 8 and a half years since he was 7 months old, I live in the UK where courts are a joke,the family courts are secretive and arranged this all behind my back without my knowledge and I had to fight for my daughters innocence in this,The paternal grandparents have taken over his upbringing and the social services have handed it all to them to arrange they have washed there hands of it entirely even though on occasion I have asked for things to be changed..it seems again it wont be as I have had an email to notify me.So I be doing this until my grandson is of an age when they think fit.My daughter is quite capable of looking after him,also the court did allow weekend access for her but paternal parents and the druggy father fought against it,I believe and I remember that when my daughter did have her son the father of him wanted her to bring him to see him because she wasnt living with him because he was not fit enough to be a father..so she took her son to see him and he was looking after a dog at the time and left his son my grandson in the room with this lively dog and the injuries appeared few days later,but when it was told by my daughter this was lied about by the father of my grandson..Anyway this isnt just about money its the principle of it all..Thanks..anyway ...
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973741 tn?1342342773
Well, I'm just not sure what to tell you.  the down side to not supervising is that your daughter and you as well will not get to see this boy.  The up side is that the financial burden is gone.  Only you can weight what is more important.  I guess it would be nice to see the boy on your schedule or to take him for a few days instead of pick up and drop off.  But for whatever reason, the courts didn't allow that.  Your only option is to go back to the court and ask to be released and see if your daughter can have a couple of people besides just you to supervise the visits.

I guess I'll read between the lines that she also has a low income and can't afford to pay for your gas.  so, that will always be a problem in that whomever she would have supervise her would need to be able to pay for the gas to do this.  

In general, I guess that I have family that I see and carry the expense of doing so.  I have kids that I raise and no one helps me financially.  So, I just was wondering why this was an issue for you.  

But I guess if it is within your control, you can decide if you can afford it as frequently and maybe cut down on the visits.  But you feel like you have no control.  I get that.

I give you credit for not just telling your daughter no, you aren't doing it anymore.  

How old is the boy now by the way?  How long have you been doing it?  
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Avatar universal
How come people do not understand how does anyone know what someone is like before they know,its ridiculous,I just hope that you or someone else isnt put into a unknown position that you obviously know nothing about,we are not clairvoyant we cant see what someone is like before they do something,My daughter is a good person..
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Avatar universal
It was not the father who harmed the child I am pleased i see my grandchild I love him to pieces as does his mum,but I am non healthy elderly woman who has to take control and pick him up and being in control of everything I have 33 year old other daughter who I have to care for as she is physically and mentally disabled I am not a robot I get tired,I have done this out of my pocket for years and live on meagre money just like my daughter..she does see him that is why I supervise.II come on here not to be critised but to find question out of my circumstances..is that so wrong..
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Avatar universal
Good post. Thank you for speaking honestly. I was confused as hell myself
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Avatar universal
She did harm her son by putting him in the environment to get hurt. She's grown and the child is not.
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973741 tn?1342342773
Hm.  Well, welcome to the forum first of all.  Sounds like a very sad situation for this little boy.  Goodness to be hurt by your father and to have then social services decide that neither parent should have the child is a really hard thing on someone (the child I'm speaking of).  Probably a few things going on that both parents lost custody.  The dad is obvious due to the physical abuse but either mom chose the boyfriend over the baby or there were signs of abuse and neglect on her part too.  ??  The supervised visits makes it clear that at the time of the separation, something was going on.  Sad for this mom too.  Losing a child would be painful beyond belief for me personally!!  

Well, do you not have any relationship with your grandchild?  Do you not want to see the grandchild?  While you supervise, you are also in contact with your grandson, right?  Isn't that a good thing?  Gosh, many a grandparent would fight for the ability to see their grandchild rather than being disturbed by it I would think.  I'm just trying to figure out what is distressing about this to you.  simply the gas money?

I would talk to your daughter.  Really, she should be the one to help you pay for gas.  maybe the two of you could ride together.  Did she ever get her life together and begin working and have some financial stability?  I would look to her to help you afford the gas.  

Anyway, I'm just confused by this.  I guess you could sever yourself from the case but you'd need to take action and it might require a lawyer.  I doubt your daughter would get custody back and at this point, that would be rather hard on the little boy as he has a whole life elsewhere.  But I'm glad she is still seeing her son.  That's wonderful!!  But if you can't supervise visits or pick up the child, then call the organization that set this up and talk to them.  Your daughter may loose privileges to see her child though.  And of course, you'd not see him.  Sad.  

good luck

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