Also, I don't feel bad for him, it's just that I consider his feelings too... I think? I feel like there's a part of me missing that I somehow still need to recover in order to heal from my past experiences.
I do fear things that may be related to abuse (but I wouldn't blame all on him, since I've had previous experiences that my affect my fears). I'm just thinking that maybe it's a repressed memory that really can't be brought back due to whatever trauma that may have been induced? I guess I'm just over thinking the situation, but at the same time I want to know what happened, it may help me with my recovery that I'm currently going through.
You need to cut him out of your life dear. Allmymarbles is right. he sounds like a nutcase. If he did these things, he's a predator and disgusting. If he did not do these things, he's a mental case that is trying to torment you now. /either way--------- he is negative energy in your life. Your inability to be angry with him is very concerning to me. A natural response would be one like you see here from the women--- as in recoiling from the thought of this dude doing something inappropriate with you and then taunting you with it years later.
I would ask him flat out one last time---- did you do something inappropriate to me. And if he doesn't answer, then say GOODBYE because he is toying with you and that is a form of manipulation and torture in and of itself. If he tells you what happened---- use it for therapy but dump him. I see no way to continue talking to him. he's a sicko and a jerk. You should want tor rid your life of that type of toxic person. good luck
I understand your concern of me not being able to be angry with him, this is due to also past reactions, I somehow am unable of feel anger, at least not consciously.
I know all of you have your points, it's just hard to let go of an important event that might've happened. I know it torments me, and probably tortures me somehow too, but I can't let it go, I don't know how. I still appreciate your help in any way possible, and thank you a lot for your advice. I'll try to let go of this event and him. Thank you again!
I truly would ask for a restraining order, bring all this up. The thing with sexual abusers is they don't quit. It's an illness. If you bring all this up that he's been doing recently to the police, it'll be on record and/or he could be put on an offenders list, which is GOOD. It can protect some other little girl.
My grandfather abused my mother sexually while she was growing up. My parents thought he was over it. They abused my little sister when she was a child, and the amount of damage this has done to her even now as an adult is unspeakable.
Regardless of what you do, you do need to cut him out of your life. If you can't let go of whatever event he's hinting at, do explore it with your therapist rather than alone. I worry for your sake if you don't explore it without that help.