What should I do?

[Jennyjoonvf]

I was 16 Last September I was raped at a party. I continoualy said no but a group of black lads carried on.  I blame myself because I shouldn't of drank so much.  I get upset about it daily and have flashbacks but I've been to scared to tell anybody so I have no one to help. Ever since I've had medical problems in that area and I don't know what to do because I feel like I ant tell nobody or I won't get believed if I do because I left it so long

[Nighthawk61]

I'm really sorry to hear you were so dreadfully taken advantage of when you were drinking.  When things like this happen, the first thing that needs to be sure to happen is to not ever put yourself in the  position of not being able to protect yourself again. The problem  being of course, that many turn to alcohol to try to get numb from the pain they are experiencing and put themselves in the position to have it happen again. So first things first. If you have any problem at all, saying no to alcohol when you should (driving ) or being able to just have one coctail (and not get drunk) then get yourself the help you need to abstain from alcohol.  Should this be the case with you, you could talk to an Addiction's Therapist about gaining the resolve and the tools to stop yourself from getting drunk. (anything over 2 drinks is usually the cause for acting out because you were drunk).

As for the rapes, I think you must see a Therapist that deals with rape, and also knows about addiction. There you will be able to find the tools to find the closure that you need. It is not necessary to talk to anyone else about this, until you've done those two things. At that time, you'll have already dealt with the rapes with a therapist and have a plan for your life going forward. You won't feel the same desperation of having people believe you after going through therapy. It might be that the relationships you have that would not believe you ; are not relationships that you need to worry about. You may at that point make decisions about who to have in your life. You need people in your inner circle that always respect you and always believe in your words. So , i wouldn't worry about how other people will or will not believe you. You've got bigger fish to fry. Please, don't handle these rapes by yourself ; you deserve the help that is available.

From experience, I can say that if you do everything you can to look after yourself,treat yourself with respect and live with dignity,  it will go a long way to stop you from looking backwards with regret of the things you could of should of done or not done. Learning to live in the moment is key. Mindfulness, meditation, exercise, education,, career, spirituality , hobbies and special interests go a long way in stopping us from living in the past.

God bless you sweet girl, and thanks so much for posting. I;m here to talk anytime by private message (hit on name, go to "send a message" and voila) ... You're in my thoughts and prayers.