When is it over?

[sadmomma4]

As a child I was physically, emotionally and of course sexually abused.  I don't now and never have given this much opportunity to be apart of my present and recently past life.  I took the approach with it more as, what's done is done, don't dwell.  Don't cry, whine or complain about it as nothing will ever take it back, nothing can ever change it.  However lately I find myself in the midst of the most horrific nightmares about it, as of it's happening presently.  Of course when seeing a show with that type of behavior in it it's worse.  I went 14-16 years without so much of a thought about my past, but I am lost as to why it's happening now?  Why is it coming back and turning me into a blubbering fool?

[thatquietgirl]

Something triggered it, whether it was a movie that perhaps had an incident in it closer to something you experienced or something else.  I would go talk to someone about this, whether a therapist or a close friend you can trust.  Bottling things up leads to things getting worse.  Get help.  My mother and sister both were molested as children, and my sister has PTSD from it, complete with horrific nightmares about incidents.

Right now, it's just nightmares for you (not that that's not horrible in and of itself), but it could extend and affect other aspects of your life without you even realizing it (intimacy, overall feelings toward the gender you experienced the incidents from, etc.).  Don't let it take over your life, but do seek help.  Talking about it is the only way to learn to deal with it properly so you can move on with your life.  Ignoring it is only putting on a bandaid.

[sadmomma4]

Yes, I recently suffered a head injury and have been on a lot of medication, I have been trying to make them take me off most of the meds, since I have cut back on meds, the dreams came out of nowhere I have woken up screaming and ripping
at my face (pulling the gag out of my mouth, that wasn't there), literally trying to scream and yell only my mouth was bound (in my dream) so i couldn't doors then mumble .
I don't know if it's the meds, or the head injury or something else?!!!

[margypops]

I agree its possible that a trauma will trigger memories, meds also have side effects , like a lot of dreaming,it could be a combination of both. Some therapy may help you get it all out there, even coming here to speak is good . I dont think people who have been molested forget it I do believe they learn to live with it, accept it happened and determine not to let it ruin their lives..I hope you feel better soon ...

[RockRose]

I agree it's probably the head injury or the meds.  Have you googled the med name with "nightmares"?

[Nighthawk61]

I found that it was very difficult to talk about traumatic events. I went to a rehab and was not able to talk about anything. I wasn't "ready" yet. That's what i was told. 10 years later, when I started to think about it, I was "ready" and spoke to a psychologist about it.  Perhaps you just had to concentrate on getting your life together and you had to put it in the background until it was the right time to receive help. I agree that you should tell a friend, you could personal message some friend on here and it would be kept in confidence, and a psychologist.  Like the saying God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. Before, it was too difficult for you be able to handle thinking about it.  I think that your subconscious is letting you know that you can handle it now.  I'm so very sorry that you had to deal with that deadly combination of events. You should be so proud that you seem not to have let it affect your life. You are truly a survivor. Maybe it's time for you to get good and mad or sad about what happened to you. Maybe now it's time for nurturing. Take the time for yourself now. You deserve that. God Bless You.  

[specialmom]

Having read so much of your history that you've shared here at med help it is hard to say what has brougth these thoughts to the front of your mind.  You've had such issues for so long now and have been struggling tremendously just to stay afloat.  Perhaps the recent pregnancy scare has brought them up while seeing the general condition of things in your life.  The long term drug use, cutting, etc. has all probably contributed to this as well as the head injury.  

I feel it is absolutely essential for you to be in therapy on a regular basis with both a psychiatrist and a psychologist being 100% honest with them about what you are doing, have done and your past as well.  All of these things are going to factor into your present dear.

I do wish you much much luck.  Therapy is hard and can feel overwhelming when we are either asked to change a coping mechanism we've had for a long time or to explore subjects that are painful.  But both are essential for recovery.  peace to you

[allmymarbles]

What is happening to you could be a good thing. You are finally facing up to the abuse of your past. Maybe now you can finally get it out of your system and move on.

[treazzure007]

you should go to counseling.  at the same time, your thoughts and attitude towards that abuse were also healthy.  it is over, that is in the past, and all you can do is move forward from here and should you have children one day or be in a situation to protect or help someone else from going through this same horrible situation, you be sure to stand up and have the courage to do so.