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Avatar universal

Women can be abusive too

I have been married two years.  We've been together four years.  At the beginning of our relationship she was very accepting of my flaws. Now she can't stand me.  We have a hard time agreeing on anything.  She attacks me with words, without taking a breath she can accuse me of lying, being a bad husband, being a jerk and a complete failure at life.  Every time I open my mouth to talk she cuts into her speach again. I hardly get a word in, so I get frustrated and angry.  Most of the time I just shut down and let her talk herself out.  She just won't sit there and listen without opening her mouth. So I start YELLING.  Then she sais I'm nuts.  I need theropy.  I'm the abusive one?  
Yesterday I was about to pull out of the driveway and she was too. From her car she tells me to go get the trash barrels. So I shut my engine off and start walking up the driveway.  While she's pulling away she smiles and makes a "cracking whip noise".  I bite my lip and keep walking.
My wife has a way of always finding something for me to do at inopertune times.  She likes to see me drop everything I'm doing and do what she wants me to do.  She feels I suck at domestic life.  She sais I'd rather be leading a single life. I tell her over and over that I want to be with her.  In arguements she compares me to her exhusband. I know I'm not good around the house.  She knew it when she married me.  I try.
Who's being abused here?
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203342 tn?1328737207
I don't understand why you stay with her? She is getting a power trip here and you're letting her. Where's the love and respect? There is none in this marraige. If you want to have one last ditch effort to save this marraige, then I'd tell her you two MUST get into marraige counseling and SOON. If she refuses, walk out the door and keep walking. It's not worth fighting over stuff. Get a lawyer, try to be fair but my recommendation is to GET OUT! Get out before she shreds the very last bit of self-confidence, self-esteem and completely destroys you. You deserve better. If you continue to stay in this abusive relationship, it's only a matter of time before she completely destroys you. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. Even a dog deserves better treatment. Is there anybdy you can talk to? You might want to at least get counseling for yourself. You are suffering from a low self-esteem and even if you leave this relationship, you have a good chance of getting into another abusive relationship until you learn to respect yourself better. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!

Before you leave, make sure you protect yourself. Make sure you have money that she can't touch or she might go and drain all the money out of your account. Get a good lawyer. Please don't allow her to continue to treat you like this. You've got to protect yourself. You do not have to put up with this and you shouldn't. There are plenty of good people in this world. I don't usually say this, actually. I usually try to keep marraiges together, but in your case I think the best thing is to get out before she completely destroys you. I hope you take my advice. It might be hard at first, but trust me, you'll be much happier once you are out of this situation. keep telling yourself you deserve better!
Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. I care. God bless you.
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Avatar universal
You must like it you are still there. and she knows just what buttons to push to make you mad . violence is not the ans, i think you know what you should do also maybe she is the one that would like to be single??? it does not sound like a very good situation to be in go while you can.violence can lead to worse than an argument this is just an opinion              lots luck           jo
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Why are you talking about abuse?  It's a bad dynamic going on, but you're looking to attack her with words too, and looking to get agreement from us.  You've got choices.  You can leave.  You can stay and insist on counseling or other programs to help you both together.  Or you can stay as it is.

She says mean things, but you're ego is intact enough to know it's nonsense and hurtful, so you need to do something before you start to believe and get damaged by her words and manipulations.  (If this was effective abuse, you wouldn't have as much ego in intact anymore, and would believe what she's saying.)  So instead of trying to get even with her with words - figure out what you want to do to fix this.  And if you aren't ready for one of the choices, start seeing a therapist of your own to sort it out.

Good luck.  How disappointing it must be to go into a marriage and then find this happening.
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Avatar universal
You said it yourself you start YELLING at her. I think some people are just not meant to be with eachother and you and your wife sound like the perfect example of that. I doubt that therapy will help either of you because you both are trying to put the blame on eachother. You sound like you are both unhappy so move on. It's as simple as that.

Dove
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
When you said you been 2gether for 4yrs and married for 2yrs that you both new each others" faults" I like to say the word FAULTS I choose to say strengths/weakness because we all have them.  I don't feel that yelling screaming, calling names, and complaining is going to change things. you said yourself that you bite your lip many times and you can't talk to each other because there is yelling and both of you shut down. So there is no respect. why do you feel you have to tell her "I want to be w/you". Do you say that for her benefit or maybe yours. It truely sounds like it is time to take charge of your life and she take charge of hers as well. You both deserve happiness and really it's just not happin'. So without knowing either of you or the whole story I would highly suggest counseling and spending time out of the relationship because there is issues on both parts. Not saying your right or she is right this is just not a healthy relationship. Frankenstein I believe you know what you need to do, you know it's not right. Get yourself healthy and then you will find that happy healthy relationship one that you won't have to say "I want to be with you"  it will be communicated with actions not words. It seems she needs counseling as well, she has been married before maybe something there hasn't been dealt with and because of that its effecting her relationships and possible future ones,you said that she bossy and feels she needs to be in "charge" & degrading so there is some issues there. both of you, even if it means both of going your own way. You both deserve happiness!!!  I wish the best. We see each other so differently when we feel good about ourselves.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Leave her....she will not change unless there is a consequence of not changing. By leaving her you will show her the consequence. If she doesn't change find someone else.
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