Worried about 4-year-old

[cat1695]

I have been dating a guy with two little girls for about a year now. The younger one just turned 4. I am confused about some things she has said and done....most are "borderline", a couple I would say are red flags if someone else was telling me about them.
Early on when we were dating, my boyfriend asked me to take her to the bathroom in a restaurant. When I started undressing her, she melted down....peed all over me, all over herself, screamed for mommy or daddy.
Even if I write that off to it being too new in the relationship, and their parents recently divorcing, it made me uncomfortable.
In the year since then, here are some of the things that have happened......one night, she said her privates hurt. When I asked where, she took my hand and placed it over her genital area, then pressed up into my hand while she looked straight into my face with a very grown up look.
Her private area is often quite red, and she has complained off and on of pain when urinating. We told her mom who just said she wasn't cleaning herself up well enough after going to the bathroom.  
Another time, she was playing with a pencil, pointed it toward her genital area, and made up and down motions toward her privates.
I know kids explore their bodies, so I try to write that stuff off.
She often touches my breasts....reaching down my shirt, saying "I like your boobies", even licking them a couple of times. I always tell her she's too old to be playing with boobies; I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he said she certainly shouldn't be doing it, he told her to stop immediately when he saw her doing it.
One time we were napping together and she said "Do you want me to sit with my privates on your head? It's funny!"
I told her no and nobody should ever let her do that.
The weirdest one is one time she was giving me a kiss, and she started trying to use her tongue. When I pulled back, she said "Daddy kiss". I was pretty freaked out. I told my boyfriend and he said he couldn't imagine where she got that, he has never French kissed her. The next day when we were all in the kitchen, I said "Hey _____, what's a Daddy kiss", to see their reactions. She smiled and laughed and said ha ha, Daddy kiss. He said "if your stepfather ever does that to you, I'll kill him"...in kind of a joking tone.
Then the other night, she came to me and said her sister "put a bead up her butt". And sure enough, she had. THe older sister justified it by saying "she told me to", which the younger one didn't deny. It was a Mardi Gras type bead. I asked the young one where she learned this game, if it had ever happened before, and she said yes. After that there was a long conversation where she gave very confusing and contradictory answers, saying her Mom had put "toys up her butt" before, because she was a "bad mom". But I couldn't tell if I was leading her, and the answers got more and more contradictory as it went on.
I have talked to my boyfriend about all these things as they came up, and like me, he says he's not sure what to think. He doesn't believe his ex or her boyfriend would hurt the girls, even though both of those people were both abused as children.
I have trouble believing it could be my boyfriend.....I watch them together like a hawk for any signs, but outside of that weird thing she said, I can't see anything.
I wrote down everything that happened in the last year, and I am thinking about talking to him again, about the totality of it and how I can't get it out of my mind.
Sorry this is so long, I appreciate any thoughts.    

[missi042]

I think that if you have to question it, your instincts are telling you something! I would be very concerned for there well being and if your husband isn't willing to confront his ex than maybe you can take the child to a professional just so that they can talk to her and see if they have any concerns. They have ways of getting the right information and will be able to tell if she is making it up or not which I highly doubt from what you have said! And if she isn't than they will also be able to guide you as well as to what steps to take from there. You shouldn't have to do this by yourself.  

[melipops]

I think this is very sad. Poor kids are such innocent things they are entrusting you with their wellbeing when they divulge such things. Please help them they need to have someone in their little lives that will help them. Ring someone today. Do you have any children i would advise until these girls are sorted out that you seperate your kids.

[allmymarbles]

No doubt at all that there is abuse. Children are imaginative, but the direction is all wrong . This is adult stuff, not childish curiosity. I would move quickly, if I were you.

[lynnalb15]

I don't care what anyone says that is NOT  normal stuff for a child to say or even know about!!! Something is not right here. I'm sorry your put in this situation but those girls need some help asap

[margypops]

I would say this child and possibly her sister are being abused by someone .It may be a good idea to call someone  in child services and ask what they think .Your whole story sends up a red flag in my head ..