childhood emotional isolation and adult life

[bebenign86]

hi
i am 26 years old.i was incest ed by my brother in my childhood for at least 3 years.he was 4 year older than me and i was 7 years by then.he literally penetrated me at times, and threatened me not to complain to parents.finally i told to mother during one bullying that he asked me to lower my pants and i denied, that's why he is doing so.my parents shocked, and he was made to apologies to mother.(not to me!)putting it sincerely, i had no idea what sex is, all that made me worried at that time was, brother was mothers pet always.(i remember my father saying "she is just not what we think, little ****")
some how the issue settled, and there was a gulf between me and bro, as that time passed i read somewhere it is natural for boys of that age.but there was something incurable inside me.during childhood, i was bullied at school, was terribly afraid of darkness, i had no friends i school, but i managed somehow, i was too good in studies.as the board exam came i had sweating hand, nousia, and stomach ache, and i noticed myself missing class notes,dates and other relevant things, i found myself helpless.i missed the main exam as i forgot the date!!!
what are the problems in an adults caused by emotional unavailability of family? my social life is in chaos.i dont want anyone to be cursed, but i need to fix broken parts inside me.

[margypops]

Having just read Your last post I feel you are wise about your feelings and really are coming to express yourself ..I agree it seems to be a fact of circumstance and in your country things are no doubt perceived differently .It has to be harder in close knit families, I am trying to understand what you say here ..and I appreciate it may not be easy to get therapy where you are and so close with family ....

[overopiates]

Sweetie THIS IS SOMEONES MISTAKE.YOUR BROTHERS&ur parents shouldve done something to get him help.U r blaming urself like theres nothing wrong w/what happened2u,that ur parents&brother r the innocent people,like u have2deal w/it on ur own.U cry&said they comfort u the best they can,that ur brother is so good to u(yet u keep ur distance like protecting urself from ur brother.Subconciously(u seem2not realize u keep physical distance from him).Its clear u love ur family but u r taking all this on urself like either u think its normal what he did(ITS NOT AT ALL),ur clearly such a sweet person as u dnt have n e anger w/ur family&defend them.PLEASE KNOW IM NOT TRYING2B MEAN but u r being far too forgiving all around.U keep ur physical distance from him.WHY?OBVIOUSLY u dnt want him2be near u as he molested u&YES u love him AS A BROTHER but deep down u know its wrong what he did&r cautious he will cross the line.Your parents shouldve done a lot more(therapy for u&him seperately)I would bet anything he was molested as well but that doesnt make what he did2u AT ALL!!!!U cry,ur hurting and need help dealing w/this so u can move past it.I get its ur family,u love them but ur parents job is and was2protect u.When they found out they shouldve done A LOT MORE.I believe u said ur brother does what he can2help u m other ways BUT NEVER APOLOGIZED4what he did.THATS NOT FAIR)2say the least.Its time2talk2ur parents,if they dnt know everyrhing then tell them,if they do explain its affecting u so much.U r too forgiving&make excuses for them when they sisnt do enough for u!!!This makes me sad for u.U need to be ok not defending them,saying they do all these great things like what happened isnt a big deal.

[bebenign86]

i feel like, it is not anyone's mistake, things turned out to be like this.may be parents and brother himself don't know how to communicate with each other.it doesn't mean,they are bad people. certainly no.they have taken care of me, according to their level best, may be i had something went wrong in unconsciousness that may only i can fix.they love me, they want me to be alright, when i say it i understand they are concerned of me, but i cant share anything with them, when cry in sleep, they say its a spirit or something, and try to sooth the way they can.but i know its my unconscious, ......you know such things.it weird when your child grow psychologically  the way you cant imagine.
its a gray zone, they love you you cant receive, you love them, but something hinders, leaving both ends in trouble

[bebenign86]

thank you all for your kind replays.well, what i feel is, i had/have emotional inaccessibility about my own emotions and others.i cant judge peoples facial expressions, postures etc.i had been working, and for the time being preparing myself for admission in a foreign university.

and the sad part is, by his late teen ages he became my guardian and took/still take good care of me.he will scarifies anything for me including his money, time, personal supervision to any extend he can.but he feel the emotion is not being reciprocated.he is a good brother and taking care of me,but i become extra vigilant when he is near by, and not feeling the security that other people may feel.

[overopiates]

NO THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!!!Its normal behavior. IF HE WAS BEING MOLESTED but not n general.We dnt just touch or wanna b touched sexually by our siblings.I had cousins who tried to do sexual things to me when I was4-5they were only a couple yrs older than me.My uncle(not there parent)caught them,freaked out&although I never told n e1then he made sure they never did a thing again.They were being molested I know that now.U seem like u have severe anxiety etc stemming from this.I assume u havent sought therapy/professional help which would do wonders.BTW if ur still angry/whatever which u r u have every right to say someth2ur parents&brother as well as not having contact if it causes u any problems at all!!!U r n my prayers.TAKE CARE OF U!!!Do whatever it takes2get to a healthy&happy place as u deserve thay.U deserve peace

[Nighthawk61]

I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering from incest abuse from your brother and emotional abuse from your parents. While it may be natural for siblings to naively experiment with their sexuality, but this is not what was happening with your brother, He knew that it went way to far, and he knew that it was wrong when he threatened you not to tell your parents. It must have taken a lot of courage to tell your mother, and I am so sorry that they did handlie themselves better. Your brother obviously needed to ask for your forgiveness, not his mother's.  

You're 26, are you living at home right now? You are not receiving support from your parents and it is probably the worse place for you to be.  Are you able to talk to a psychologist? Are you attending school or are you working?

Do not blame yourself for not excelling in your classes right now. You really need to talk to a psychologist about what has been happening at home, before you can expect the type of relief that you need to excel in school.

I'll be looking forward to your reply, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Liz

[margypops]

I am so sorry this  happened to you , I do believe the trauma of that stays with you a long time and maybe never goes away but I also feel that abused people learn to cope with the feelings, and come to accept it did happen ,they cant change that fact and move on to have a good life .Is there any chance you can get some therapy ,it has been shown to help , talking it out is useful. I also know our thoughts make us feel worse.,try distraction and staying busy.. Are you living at home is there any chance you can move to a place of your own ? I think the fact you have come here to speak out will help , its a first step ... and welcome to Med Help                                                .