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ex-boyfriend comes back for some fun
HI EVERYONE IM A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT AND I HAD A PAST RELATIONSHIP ABOUT SEVEN MONTHS AGO. AND, IM STILL CRY ABOUT IT NOT BECAUSE, I MISS HIM BUT BECAUSE ,2MONTHS AFTER WE BROOKE UP HE CAME BACK INTO MY LIFE. ONLY BECAUSE, WANTED TO HAVE FUN IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WE DIDNT HAVE SEX BUT, EVERY NITE FOR 4 MONTHS. IT WAS CLOSE YOU EYES AND STAY STILL. AND THROUGH THAT ALL IHAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO HATES HIM HE ALWAY WANTED TO CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT END, MAKE HIM STOP BUT I NEVER LET HIM. AND KNOW THATS SAME GUY WHO DID THAT TO ME IS GOING OUT WITH MY FRIEND. AND FOR THE PAST YEAR I HAVE BEEN TO THE HOSPITAL FOR PANIC ATTAKS AND ANXIETY. I ALSO BEENING TREATED FOR DEPPRESSION TOO. THAT LOVE HIM AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH WHAT HAPPEN TO ME NO ONE KNOWS BUT ME,AND MY HIM . AND I WOULD NEVER DEAR TELL MY MOM SHE WOULDNT TAKE MY SIDE ENY WAYS!!!!!!!!!! SO WAT DO I DO???? DOES WHAT HAPPEND TO ME COUNT AS ABUSE????? HELP .
First, you just don't sound like you are ready for any kind of a relationship right now, and certainly not a sexual one. Everyone else has gone into the dangers of the sex aspect so I don't need to beat that horse again. Emotionally, you suffer from depression, and that is a hard enough thing to deal with in itself without adding the stress of boyfriends and sex. Give yourself a well-earned break from "boyfriends" and get your own emotions in order first.
My guess is that you will make your mom's day, month, year, life! if you confide in her and ask for her advice. I was somewhat like you at your age, and always afraid of disappointing my mom or making her angry. When I got in a situation like yours, I finally bit the bullet and talked to her. What a relief! It turned out to be the first of a gazillion woman-to-woman talks we've had - not a mother-daughter lecture. I'm willing to bet your mom knows something is terribly wrong, and would love the opportunity to help. What's the worse that could happen? She'll get mad? Upset? Yell? Big deal! You've already survived worse than that haven't you?
My guess is that you will make your mom's day, month, year, life! if you confide in her and ask for her advice. I was somewhat like you at your age, and always afraid of disappointing my mom or making her angry. When I got in a situation like yours, I finally bit the bullet and talked to her. What a relief! It turned out to be the first of a gazillion woman-to-woman talks we've had - not a mother-daughter lecture. I'm willing to bet your mom knows something is terribly wrong, and would love the opportunity to help. What's the worse that could happen? She'll get mad? Upset? Yell? Big deal! You've already survived worse than that haven't you?
what does your parents think that is depressing you also they dont usually put one in the hosp for panic attacts.they usually give some medication maybe you should confide in your parents also you need more self confidece in yourself when you date you should be able to say no to sex at least until you know the person a long while there is a difference between lust and love and someday when you are older you will find the right person one that loves you not just for sex.. start to think postive and turn over a new leaf forget about the guys for awhile. panic attacks are not usually just over a guy or guys so maybe there is something more lots luck jo
Hartman, talking about this kind of thing, and telling other people is scary. You are no alone in feeling that way. However keeping it a secret is what is most dangerous bout it and and can harm you the most. So as hard as it is to do, please talk to people about it.
A few grown up (mature) rules about fooling around...
You can say no any time to any one for any reason. It's your body and if something doesn't feel great to you, you don't have to do it. If you've done something with someone before you don't have to do it again the next time. Anyone who tells you otherwise even if they are an adult, hasn't grown up about sex yet. Sex generates a lot of powerful emotions and you don't want to do it or any parts of fooling around until you are able to handle them in each new relationship. You can get STDs including HIV from oral sex. It's not as common, but it can happen.
If I understand what you are saying correctly, that your ex-boyfriend still fools around with you and you lay still because you aren't into it, then you do need to put a stop to this. He doesn't have the right to demand this. Even if you'd done it before with him or if you like him. If you are doing it because you still like him, this still needs to stop because you aren't in a relationship with him and it's not fair to your new boyfriend or even yourself to mix up things this much. (I don't think this is what you are saying happened though.)
I don't know your mom but I'm guessing she be more supportive than you expect. If she's really hard to deal with or you aren't ready to tell her, then you need to find another adult to talk to. You need to get some guidance for yourself from a grownup who knows everything that's going on. You need some guidance and help from someone grownup. What you are doing may eventually lead you to dangerous situations in ways I'm sure you don't understand yet, so I hope you reach out to someone. It can be a school guidance counselor, pastor, teacher, doctor, planned parenthood or a health clinic... The key is and this is important, if you don't feel like you get good help from one person, then keep telling adults until you find one who is good to talk with. You said you were treated for depression, so whoever gave you help for that might be a good choice.
If you aren't telling you mom because you think she'd be mad, actually she'll be more scared than mad and it will be okay to tell her. She'll be even more upset later if you don't. Think of it this way, it's like a toddler who you yell at to "TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND STOP" like you're mad, when want you mean is "please take that germ infested choking hazard from your favorite toy out of your mouth because I'm afraid you'll get sick and die". She's going to be mad because she's scared because her rules where because she was trying to protect you from exactly this kind of thing! She might yell because she's mad at herself for not protecting you more. Tell her you want her help and advice and it will help her see what's important is taking care of you. If she tells you what he did is okay or it's your fault, then she's having a problem of her own, probably from her childhood and you need to find other adults to guide you in this area of life!!
Also your friend and your friend's mom needs to know what this guy is like so she doesn't go through the same thing.
What's happening is dangerous to you in ways you have a sense of but not a full understanding yet, and won't until you've been grown up for a while, so please do reach out and get some help for yourself to talk about this, even after you've told him to stop.
To tell him to stop, do you think he'll get volent on you? If so, get some adult help, it can even be talking to the police, and then tell him gently that you just don't feel right about doing it. You don't have to this with him even one more time.
Take care of yourself! Come back to let us know how it goes, and if you have more questions.
You can say no any time to any one for any reason. It's your body and if something doesn't feel great to you, you don't have to do it. If you've done something with someone before you don't have to do it again the next time. Anyone who tells you otherwise even if they are an adult, hasn't grown up about sex yet. Sex generates a lot of powerful emotions and you don't want to do it or any parts of fooling around until you are able to handle them in each new relationship. You can get STDs including HIV from oral sex. It's not as common, but it can happen.
If I understand what you are saying correctly, that your ex-boyfriend still fools around with you and you lay still because you aren't into it, then you do need to put a stop to this. He doesn't have the right to demand this. Even if you'd done it before with him or if you like him. If you are doing it because you still like him, this still needs to stop because you aren't in a relationship with him and it's not fair to your new boyfriend or even yourself to mix up things this much. (I don't think this is what you are saying happened though.)
I don't know your mom but I'm guessing she be more supportive than you expect. If she's really hard to deal with or you aren't ready to tell her, then you need to find another adult to talk to. You need to get some guidance for yourself from a grownup who knows everything that's going on. You need some guidance and help from someone grownup. What you are doing may eventually lead you to dangerous situations in ways I'm sure you don't understand yet, so I hope you reach out to someone. It can be a school guidance counselor, pastor, teacher, doctor, planned parenthood or a health clinic... The key is and this is important, if you don't feel like you get good help from one person, then keep telling adults until you find one who is good to talk with. You said you were treated for depression, so whoever gave you help for that might be a good choice.
If you aren't telling you mom because you think she'd be mad, actually she'll be more scared than mad and it will be okay to tell her. She'll be even more upset later if you don't. Think of it this way, it's like a toddler who you yell at to "TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND STOP" like you're mad, when want you mean is "please take that germ infested choking hazard from your favorite toy out of your mouth because I'm afraid you'll get sick and die". She's going to be mad because she's scared because her rules where because she was trying to protect you from exactly this kind of thing! She might yell because she's mad at herself for not protecting you more. Tell her you want her help and advice and it will help her see what's important is taking care of you. If she tells you what he did is okay or it's your fault, then she's having a problem of her own, probably from her childhood and you need to find other adults to guide you in this area of life!!
Also your friend and your friend's mom needs to know what this guy is like so she doesn't go through the same thing.
What's happening is dangerous to you in ways you have a sense of but not a full understanding yet, and won't until you've been grown up for a while, so please do reach out and get some help for yourself to talk about this, even after you've told him to stop.
To tell him to stop, do you think he'll get volent on you? If so, get some adult help, it can even be talking to the police, and then tell him gently that you just don't feel right about doing it. You don't have to this with him even one more time.
Take care of yourself! Come back to let us know how it goes, and if you have more questions.
No dear, what you have is a creep that you need to stay away from. It went on for another 4 months and you were there too and if you didn't tell him NO then I don't think you can call it abuse. I think you need to stay away from him. Warn you friend that he's only after one thing and if you didn't have sex, then be glad of it. I'm sorry to say this isn't the only creep you'll run into in life. So you have to be very careful when you start dating for real. Stop and think before you jump into bed. If that's all a guy wants ...then you don't want him! Don't spend your high school days laying around with boys, enjoy it. Have fun. Life will begin for you soon enough. Enjoy being a kid while you can. Take Care of yourself.
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