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600843 tn?1219930278

help me stay strong...i want to go back

I have been married a very short time to a very mentally and threatening man. He was perfect. The way he looked, acted, and even his family. I should have known when he said he had a bad relationship with his mother. I adore his father and my children love them both. The problem is this...I had to get a protective order out on him because of his threats. I was afraid for my life and the lives of my children. I miss him, badly. I miss the way he would take the girls fishing or even when I had to yell at him to take out the trash. I miss it all, except for the drinking and violence. He was great if he wasnt drinking. He would do everything to get out of the house and spend days away and i had no idea where he was. It killed me. How do i stay away from this man? I have prayed alot and i still havent found the strength to not love him. Am i insane?
8 Responses
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458072 tn?1291415186
reread nursegirls post many times, everyday if necessary to help you see the truth.
What you are feeling is not really love. It is more like codependency. If you can, do a study on that.

He has not changed, and thus, he will not. Do not subject those innocent children to such abuse and stress because you HOPE he changes. You have to think of what is best for them above what you are hoping will happen.

PLEASE< we don't want to read about you or your children being tortured and killed one day in the news.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
a leopard never!!!!!!!!!!!! changes his spots ,.........do not put yourself and those two little girls through years of hell with this man ,..........he won't always bring them fishing ,........your girls will end up in counseling when the get older ,........thats if the live to tell the tale ,...............
Helpful - 0
408158 tn?1202149277
If those are your two girls in that picture, they look like great kids. You have to ask yourself a couple questions.

"Knowing what you know about this love of your life (so to speak), are you willing to risk their lives just because you don't want to move on & better all of your lives?"

"Do you love this drunk, abusive man more then you love those two little girls"?

No matter how many times i see this, I'm always amazed when I meet women that know their in a dangerous situation (with children), have a chance to get out.. then go back. I know guys like your husband.

They all have common denominators

1. They always apologize

2. They always promise to change ("things will be different this time!")

3. Once you give in to their lies, & they get you & your kids back in his house, he changes for only a day or two.. then he comes home drunk, & beats the hell out of you or one of the kids because he's had a bad day (they always have bad days)

Be smart for your children. Do whats best for them, if thats enough incentive to stay away. Let him pay child support thru the courts, & whatever you do.. never.. And i mean never, let your girls go off alone with this ******* by himself, because thats the only way he'll have to hurt you if your not under his roof, & he knows your not coming back. They're controlling by nature.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
OMG.

If you think you can talk yourself into believing that he won't follow through with his threats....listen to this.

My neighbors accross the street, the wife's (my female neighbor that is) sister and borther-in-law's daughter was married to an abusive man, MUCH like the way you describe your husband.  Just the picture of perfect fatherhood, and when he WANTED to be...a great loving husband.

The abuse escalated, and he began to threaten her with the children's lives.  She filed and was granted a PFA against him.

Like YOU, she found it hard to move on...and was trying to grasp to those few and far between moments when the "nice husband" was around.

She went back.  He bludgeoned her and their two young children (toddler and infant) to death...and was then headed to her sister's house to kill her and her children.  Luckily, he was caught before he could take her whole family out.  Senseless.  A young girl full of promise....and her two precious children gone...by the hand of the man she "loved".

That isn't "love" sweetie.  It's the cycle of abuse.  THAT is what you tjink you feel as "love".  He WILL harm you and.or your children if given the chance.  Don't be fooled.  A lot of these types of men think it's a great way to get back at the wife by harming or killing their children in front of the mother.  Unthinkable, isn't it?

Honestly.....this isn't meant to be mean...but pull your head out of your *you know what*...and quit worrying about YOU feeling lonely and sad.  You will heal and get over all of that.  You could NEVER get over the fact that something happened to your children, or other family members of yours b/c you made the worst judgement call in your life.  You know this all to be true.  You aren't going to change him.  I don't care HOW many problems a person has....if they actuallu stoop to threats...then they have crossed the line and are capable of anything.

Stay in counseling....and NEVER EVER be fooled by his sweet talk again.  My neighbor's entire family is just sick...and they will NEVER be the same.  They had to go to the funeral home and see the young mom in a casket with her two babies right there with her.....all in one.  Could you imagine how awful?

The man, the husband, the Daddy.... who did it laughs about it.  He doesn't even care that HE killed his own children....and made his wife watch before he beat her to death. :0(

Best of luck to you...I know this is a rough post...but it is absolutely positively true...and I would hope not another soul has to ever go through something like that again.
Helpful - 0
535822 tn?1443976780
Really you have to think of the children and it would be bad to go back and subject them to all of this again, if you could leave your children with Family you could return to him whenever you wanted to but you should not subject the innocents to this kind of life., especially as he has threatened their lives aswell.and proably scarred them with his behavior, for their  sake leave him alone.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You really do not know how lucky you are, to have got away from him.many do not. they end up dead, and your children do need you, so stay away, and think, what in the world makes me want to have a death wish, and that is what it is if you want to saty with someone like that, he could have killed one of your children, he will not change, so please make up your mind to move on, and forget him, you have your children to think of, read some of the stories that women live to tell what they have been through with men like this, and just thank God you are away, and safe If you once take him back you may not have a second chance i have known women that have had arms broken ribs, you name it also some are not alive to tell their story GO to a shelter if you have too, but stay safe   Luck  jo
Helpful - 0
600843 tn?1219930278
I dont know where he is. I know he isnt sober. He is an alcoholic. He was mentally abusive everyday, to some extent. He was violent and would throw things and threaten my children and myself when he was drinking. I just dont know if i did the right thing. I tried to get him help. He went to the therapist one time and never went back. Claimed he didnt have a problem and said he refused to stop drinking. I have been going ever since. I just dont want to get divorced and find out that he has changed and i made a mistake. I hear things about his exs and apparently im not the only one he has done this to. Im in such turmoil over all of this. I love the man i meet and married but I am deathly afraid of the man whom i had to get a protective order out on. Its like Mr Jeckell Mr Hyde. And the worst thing is that he would never act like this around anyone else. I always got the names being called and the stealing of my purse or my cell phone and the threats of killing my children and me at home. He had a thing with locking me out of the house with the children still in the house and tell me that he had the guns out. But around like his dad or my mother or friends he was so perfect. Any time i would say to anyone the things he was doing it was like i was the bad guy. No one would believe that he could be that way. Until a few weeks ago when he disappeared again. He kept calling the house phone from different numbers and i let the answering machine get them. He went off and started with the threats and names again. I recorded them all and filed papers. But now .... I dont know. My whole life is turned upsidedown. Im in custody battles with my children, he took the car. I have no money and my bills are a few months behind. Stupid me i let him take care of the bills. I should have known they werent being paid. I want life to be easy again and if i take him back it will be, for awhile. I know i cant. but the nights are hard. I just dont know. Thanks for listening..Angela
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
so...he was not abusive when he wasn't drinking?  where is he now?  is he sober?  doesn't sound like he is very good for you.
Helpful - 0
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