i cant stop

[cookie0721]

hi i was just recently sexually abused by my father for 3 years i told my mother and we're in the prosesse of convicting him and i haven't told anybody this but i can't stop masterbating and i feel so ashamed i want to stop but it just seems to release all of my stress so i want to know......should i stop or is it normal for a 13 year old to master bate every so often......any advice is appreciated

[DylanKing1999]

Its completely normal to masturbate when your 13 years old. Most 13 year old's do. I know what your father did to you might make you confused sometimes, but there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

[Itchys]

Mastrubation is very common for teen angers. Although it's seen as a form of sex, people often use it to calm themselves and relax. For you it sounds like it's a way to cope with anxiety. There are much more unhealthy ways to deal with anxiety so if it helps, don't give it another thought.  You are not doing anything bad or wrong. You are copying the best way you know how.

[MikeyBagoDonuts]

Hi cookie,

It is extremely normal for a girl your age to be exploring her body and masturbating a lot. On the other hand masturbation or not, you should definitely ask your mother to send you to a psychiatrist or at least a psychologist and they can decide if you need a psychiatrist. What you went through was very traumatic and can have very long lasting effects. If your mother cannot afford it you should look into some type of free services in your area or speak to a school counselor and ask for their help finding a free psychologist or possibly getting medicaid which is insurance for poor people. I have medicaid and it is a great service for anyone who can't afford doctors. Please try to get to some type of counseling. Even if you feel like you can deal with things right now, you may soon find that you need a professional to help you through any feelings that crop up. Also, this may be hard to hear right now but sometimes after physical abuse, some young people like yourself will suddenly be attracted to older men. This is not healthy. I dont think you should date at all for awhile but especially older men. You seem like you are very strong because you are asking questions online and you never know what you will come across online so that shows that you are strong but you are also very vulnerable right now so please be careful who you talk to. Some men might want to take advantage of you in a vulnerable situation. If anyone on this site or anywhere online says they want to meet you in order to help you, no matter what, don't do it. Be careful. You can always ask for advice here and whatever the majority of people say will more often than not be the correct answer. Please talk to a professional soon sweetheart. Good Luck to you and be safe.

[Nighthawk61]

Also, you should ask the psychologist if she thinks that it would be better if you didn't masterbate while going through the initial healing regarding your dad. It might be that it would be better not to at this time, sort of like associating a natural act with the pain of sexual abuse It might be too early in your healing and it might be that other activities would be suggested by a therapist to help you overcome the anxiety that comes with post traumatic stress. I would definitely ask the therapist what her opinion is on the subject. Please feel free to discuss it with your therapist. It's a natural act, i would just hate for you to associate sexual health with your father's disgusting act of cowardice and manipulation , you know ? But NO there's nothing abnormal for a teen to masterbate. It might be that if that is your go to for stress relief it might become a habit for sex to be the main thing you do to relieve stress, when practicing yoga, working out, swimming etc. might be better for you as well as sexual release. Many young ladies (myself ) that were abused turned to sex to deal with post traumatic stress , and that was not healthy as the only way to release stress, and become a bad habit , even permiscuousness. (like myself). I wish I had someone tell me to join the swim team, or volley ball club, or plan long distance biking trips with friends, etc. as a healthy way to relieve stress. You see what i'm saying here? It's important to use other activities to alleviate stress, or depression or anxiety and post traumatic stress.

Have you got other healthy outlets , not only to relieve  stress, but also to feel the pride of accomplishing healthy sports minded goals, team building etc. as well as getting in to the arts, to help you to focus on something other than stress. I think if you do, the masterbation will not stand out to you as anything but another normal activity used to build up your sense of self. (other than just sexual release).

i hope you're alright. It must be awful what you've dealt with, and now having to go through court. All my love sweety, from across the miles. Take good care of yourself, be good to yourself. Stay connected to a good therapist you feel comfortable talking to. Remember they've read many  case histories so you needn't feel awkward. Remember, fortune favours the brave my friend.

[Nighthawk61]

And please know, that you can make true friends here as well, by private messaging. It might be that you could use a few older people that have survived abuses like you have. I'm here if you ever want to talk privately (as well as on this thread). Liz

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so sorry that you were abused sweet girl. I hope that the court proceedings give you closure and i hope that you are receiving therapy for what happened to you. If not, please ask for that kind of support. When you have a therapist that you feel comfortable with, you can ask them anything. Masterbation is a totally normal activity starting around your age. Please don't feel shame or fear for something that is totally natural. I'm glad you posted. Please let us know how you are from time to time. We'll be here for you. Liz

[JasBella]

It's normal dia

[Abigail52]

Normal

[AnnieBrooke]

Normal, I'd say.  Especially if you've been under a lot of stress.