Honey, talk to a lawyer and a therapist. What makes you think you are deserving of his awful behavior?
I'm a little curious about why you are worrying that he will take you to court and take everything from you. Do you make a lot more money than him and do you own a lot more stuff than him? If so, what does he do with his time? It sounds from what's he's threatening you with, that he's a bum and you're rich. Is this the case ?
You've said ... " But later he msged and said sorry, and I know he always feels bad " It sounds from this that he has "pushed" you before. How many times has he assaulted you before ?
Is this the first time the police have been called.?
It sounds to me that you are "settling" for a not so good relationship. You've said that this type of relationship is his 'norm'' and for you , this type of relationship is your first, so it is you that is settling for less than you used to think you deserved.
That's really sad. Instead of you going down to his level, it's too bad that you couldn't have raised him to your non violent, non aggressive way of life isn't it?
The point is, that your husband should have been forced into anger management therapy during his first or second failed relationship. Had he accepted that he had a problem then, he wouldn't be expecting you to lower your expectations and your own values and settle for a less than ideal , well lets call it for what it is, ABUSIVE WAY OF LIFE.
He will never get help unless someone tells him, enough is enough.
The reason why addicts get other people hooked on drugs is because misery loved company. He was abusive always and you allowed him to lead you down to his level. He is betting that because he has led you down to this level, that you will not be able to call him on anything, because after all , when you lay down with dogs, you get fleas. , when you run with wolves , you get bit.
Be smarter than that. You made a mistake going down to his level. Change that. Get back on the road to healthy living and repel the idea of becoming accustomed and allowing bad behaviour.
Please have faith that there are good men out there that you can again, be close to , without having to sell your soul.
As for the police, let the chips fall where they will. He pushed you and he should never lay his hands on you. Let the process of the courts get him into anger management classes, if not for you, then for he next girl he shacks up with. He will not as easily be able to entice another women into following him down into a seedy existence if there is a court order telling him that what he's doing is wrong.
I hope you come back and let us know how it went. I'm guessing with your lack of sensibilities right now, that the police will let it go and probably just tell him to spend the night elsewhere until you're both settled down and open to talking instead of fighting.
It sounds to me that you are "settling" for a not so good relationship..
OOPS i meant an AWFUL RELATIONSHIP...
Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity.
Would you say that you are a codependent person? or have been raised to be codependent? Is this the real reason you find yourself in this type of relationship. This is what Annie.B was alluding to., that you need a therapist to hack out whether you have a target on your back for codependent people. to take advantage of you and find in you a willing partner for a terrible life.
Please do consider a lawyer and therapist as the best way for you to support your needs at this time. He could use any help to get himself anger management support. Don't feel bad. It's a very cheap lesson, if he learns it's wrong to put his hands on a women or child, or indeed, even another man. (but it has been my experience, that men that abuse women, will not risk trying the same thing on a man that could do them damage , and that makes them not only abusive but a coward. )
Why do you want to stay in a relationship like this, when you can do so much better. ?
In fact, not only don't feel bad about calling the police and having an abuser go into the system, feel good about getting them (possibly) the first help they've ever had to deal with the abuse in their lives (as abusers usually have been abused). By getting help to stop abusing others, he will learn how he was taught to act this way, and will be given tools to turn away from his past) Literally you can give an abuser a chance at a healthy life if you call the police. and get them started to get healthy.
If the police walk away, and nothing is done, then the same lowly existence of abuse will continue to progress. And speaking of progression, like addiction, abuse always get's progressively worse. I have a lot of experience in this field.
Please end this bad marriage, maybe your partner will get help, and change himself at which point you can reevaluate, but for right now, he has nothing to offer you. but heart ache.
I think it's really important for new viewers to go back and read Vita's previous questions to get a broader view of all that is going on here Being able to put all the pieces of this puzzle together, can help to give the best advice.
You mentioned in May, 2016...
He treats me like crap and I stay because without him I feel my anxiety will be worse, and then ill lose my job. He is a terrible person, but I am a lost cause. I don't know what to do. I am SO done with this constant struggle.
People at work talk to me and i can't connect their sentences, I can't understand a word they are saying, because my anxiety is that bad. So I take a clonazapam and finally things get calmer. But Im so scared of getting addicted.
I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THIS. HE TREATS YOU LIKE CRAP AND YOU NEED TO GET OUT. LET HIM GO THROUGH THE SYSTEM AND GET HELP, AND PLEASE DEAR WOMAN, CONCENTRATE ON GETTING YOURSELF THE HELP YOU NEED THROUGH PROFESSIONALS TO GET YOUR ANXIETY UNDER CONTROL. This guy is not the answer to your anxiety issues. A healthy man might be, but a sick man is not. Rid yourself of this guy, so that you CAN find a healthy partner to help you with your anxiety. along with therapy and/or medication.
You CAN FIND A GOOD MAN to be your partner. You DON'T have to SETTLE.
Let the police deal with it it was wrong what he did to.you you did the right thing dont beat yourself up about it ok