Oh my gosh. This is a difficult situation. If you believe your grandson, your job then is to defend him. Hire a lawyer and fight charges. That's the best thing you can do to protect the boy. What are the circumstances that she says this happened? Were they alone at times? Child upon child molestation does happen. But often that would be AFTER the person who instigated it had been molested themselves. That is a common pattern. Out and out rape when someone is 12 or 13 years old seems hard to believe although hormones are beginning to become more prominent at that time.
Your grandson says he can't remember or he didn't do it, by the way? That is a distinction. A psychologist might help with this too?
I'm so sorry for this situation. There's an attorney on the site, I'm going to ask her to chime in. But stand by your boy. Sincerely. I'm not sure why she is saying this and it is unfortunate you can't get any more information. How did you hear about it? they called you initially and told you?
Your grandson's parents should be speaking to a lawyer. Almost certainly if this gets as far as the girl's parents getting a lawyer, and your grandson's parents getting a lawyer, and an investigation, her assertions will not go very far without proof.
If your son is still roommates with the girl's father, can he move out? Or is he stuck by having signed a lease? Because any good attorney really will want the two parties not to try to talk to each other. You want them to "give us more anymore info" and see who "seems to be on their side" and like that. But from a legal point of view (and from the view of getting a clear story out of the kids) all that will do is muddy the waters. If your son can stop living with the guy who is the dad of this girl, that would be very desirable.
Your grandson's attorney should also see to it that the boy has some psychological protection from being distressed by this as much as possible. (That includes being distressed by well-meaning but intrusive adults in his life coming at him with frightened questions about his behavior.) He should tell his story as clearly and completely as he can to a counselor, or to a counselor with his attorney sitting in, and then not let his parents or you bug him to repeat it or pressure him to change it. The counselor should be someone trained in dealing with kids in situations where sexual abuse is charged. The grandson should describe the relationship with the girl, so the counselor can try to determine what might have caused her to make this claim. He should tell his story as completely as he can to these two people (the counselor and the lawyer) and leave nothing out, they are required by law to be on his side only, and not to tell anyone else what he said if he doesn't want that person to know. They (especially the counselor) will be able to tell him what to do and how to handle himself. This is not a job for grandpa and not a job for his parents either.
Again, if the case ever makes it to court it would be a surprise. Someone making such a claim when there is no proof is likely not to get very far. Also, the extremely young age of both of the parties makes it less likely that the court will feel a charge of statutory rape is appropriate. One of the biggest arguments in favor of your grandson's innocence is that, as you say "the girl and mother is always at his house with them." While it is, sadly, surprisingly common for women and girls who are raped to shy away from telling anyone, even their mom, it is more unusual for the girl to still want to be around the person who assaulted her. Most of the time if sexual assault has occurred, the child will resist being near the assailant after that point. Though you don't want make things worse by asking your son a lot of questions, you could possibly ease your worries by asking him subtly if there has been any indication that the girl didn't want to be in the boy's presence all these years.
One last thing. If language is a barrier here, for example if your family is from another country and having to deal with this in English, be sure your son has a good translator present at all meetings. Some jurisdictions are worse about this than others, and tend to give people for whom English is not their first language a worse form of justice. Sorry, but if you've come across this attitude in general you will also see it in the court system, at least in some states.
Praying is a good idea, but don't forget why God made counselors and lawyers.
If your grandson lives with you, who has legal custody, his father and mother, or you? If it is you, at this point, speak to a lawyer and hire him a counselor, it's time to begin to assemble a support team for him. If the person with legal custody is your daughter, she should do this.
You knew your grandson when he was 11 or 12. Do you think he would have even had an idea of approaching someone sexually at that age? What about if it was against her will? And do you think he could have overpowered someone in order to have sex? It just doesn't sound likely to me. If he had been 13 or 14, it would seem more plausible. But though I've known 12-year-olds who wanted to kiss girls, I find it hard to imagine someone so young (who likely had no sexual experience) trying to have sex and being able to accomplish it, let alone thinking of, attempting and completing a sexual attack.
Is there any financial reason your grandson would make a good target? Does your family have a lot of money and the girl's family is poor?
Also, you have mentioned your "son" and your "daughter" as parents of the boy. Which of those two is your child and which is your child's spouse?
If the police come to take a statement, ask if your grandson is being accused of a crime. If so, the right of an accused person is to have a lawyer in the room when the police ask him questions. He has the right not to speak if there is no lawyer present. Be sure your grandson knows this. There is nothing wrong with you telling the police that the girl has been caught doing drugs, but after that keep out of it and do let the lawyer handle things. If you haven't any money for a lawyer, call the nearest law school, ask for the dean's office, and ask if there are any legal clinics where you can get legal help on a sliding scale. (That means, if you have a low income there is no or little charge.) The dean's office will be able to tell you if they have clinics that handle cases like this or where you can go for help if they don't.
I would personally stay in a holding pattern. Innocent until proven guilty and this sounds sketchy at best. How is your grandson feeling about it all?
I'm not sure I'd make her get examined like that. If they aren't pushing the charges, let it drop. That is intrusive to a girl. And doesn't necessarily prove anything as the hymen can break even without intercourse.
Are they moving forward with any charges?
Well, thanks for the update. I believe I stated earlier that the best thing is for you to do nothing. To go on. Not continue to contact them. I understand she made a horrible accusation and you feel you need to clear your grandson's name but that is not helpful at this point. Let it go. If there was anything behind the accusation, they'd have contacted you (the authorities). Clearly this girl is in great turmoil and chaos and distress. I'm not sure why she was removed from her home as that's not typical of a depressed child who attempted suicide unless you mean she is receiving in hospital treatment for her mental health issues. Unless there is something insidious or suspicious going on in their home.
I know it is hard and everyone can benefit from a slush emergency fund of cash but you can't make the future happen faster than it is going to. So, let it go and don't hold your grandson hostage to this accusation yourself by continuing to ruminate and focus on it. Save money just in case and hope you never need it. good luck