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sex between 12 and 10 year old

there is a family friend that has a daughter she 13 now she has told her mother that my grandson raped her 3 yrs ago at that time he  was about 10 years old my grandson was about 11 or 12 now he is 15 yrs old cause she can't remember all she says it was 3 yrs ago family is looking to i guess press charges my grandson son says he never touched her what can happen now to him
9 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Oh my gosh.  This is a difficult situation.  If you believe your grandson, your job then is to defend him. Hire a lawyer and fight charges.  That's the best thing you can do to protect the boy.  What are the circumstances that she says this happened?  Were they alone at times?  Child upon child molestation does happen.  But often that would be AFTER the person who instigated it had been molested themselves. That is a common pattern.  Out and out rape when someone is 12 or 13 years old seems hard to believe although hormones are beginning to become more prominent at that time.  

Your grandson says he can't remember or he didn't do it, by the way?  That is a distinction.  A psychologist might help with this too?
he says he did not do anything to her and he was around 11 or 12 she was 2 yrs younger than him that's about the age we think it was she says it was 3 yrs ago she says everyone was asleep and they were playing on the xbox and he just grab her and pulled her shorts down but! we have not talked to her parents they will not answer our calls  this we know cause they told my son that she told them this we found out friday and today is tuesday we dont know whats going on as if my grandson ever been molested we know he has not he always been a happy boy and we always talked  to all the kids about not letting anyone touch them to tell us cause it is not there fault and to be scared to say  so we are in the dark right now
973741 tn?1342342773
I'm so sorry for this situation. There's an attorney on the site, I'm going to ask her to chime in.  But stand by your boy.  Sincerely.  I'm not sure why she is saying this and it is unfortunate you can't get any more information.  How did you hear about it?  they called you initially and told you?  
oh yes we stand by him 100% they told my son who is room mate with the girls father the girl and mother is always at his house  with them but he will not give us anymore info he seems to be on their side  but God is Good he will see us thur this Thank you for letting me vent to you
134578 tn?1614729226
Your grandson's parents should be speaking to a lawyer. Almost certainly if this gets as far as the girl's parents getting a lawyer, and your grandson's parents getting a lawyer, and an investigation, her assertions will not go very far without proof.

If your son is still roommates with the girl's father, can he move out? Or is he stuck by having signed a lease? Because any good attorney really will want the two parties not to try to talk to each other. You want them to "give us more anymore info" and see who "seems to be on their side" and like that. But from a legal point of view (and from the view of getting a clear story out of the kids) all that will do is muddy the waters. If your son can stop living with the guy who is the dad of this girl, that would be very desirable.

Your grandson's attorney should also see to it that the boy has some psychological protection from being distressed by this as much as possible. (That includes being distressed by well-meaning but intrusive adults in his life coming at him with frightened questions about his behavior.) He should tell his story as clearly and completely as he can to a counselor, or to a counselor with his attorney sitting in, and then not let his parents or you bug him to repeat it or pressure him to change it.  The counselor should be someone trained in dealing with kids in situations where sexual abuse is charged.  The grandson should describe the relationship with the girl, so the counselor can try to determine what might have caused her to make this claim. He should tell his story as completely as he can to these two people (the counselor and the lawyer) and leave nothing out, they are required by law to be on his side only, and not to tell anyone else what he said if he doesn't want that person to know. They (especially the counselor) will be able to tell him what to do and how to handle himself. This is not a job for grandpa and not a job for his parents either.

Again, if the case ever makes it to court it would be a surprise. Someone making such a claim when there is no proof is likely not to get very far. Also, the extremely young age of both of the parties makes it less likely that the court will feel a charge of statutory rape is appropriate. One of the biggest arguments in favor of your grandson's innocence is that, as you say "the girl and mother is always at his house with them." While it is, sadly, surprisingly common for  women and girls who are raped to shy away from telling anyone, even their mom, it is more unusual for the girl to still want to be around the person who assaulted her.  Most of the time if sexual assault has occurred, the child will resist being near the assailant after that point. Though you don't want make things worse by asking your son a lot of questions, you could possibly ease your worries by asking him subtly if there has been any indication that the girl didn't want to be in the boy's presence all these years.

One last thing. If language is a barrier here, for example if your family is from another country and having to deal with this in English, be sure your son has a good translator present at all meetings. Some jurisdictions are worse about this than others, and tend to give people for whom English is not their first language a worse form of justice. Sorry, but if you've come across this attitude in general you will also see it in the court system, at least in some states.

This all said, if you think I am saying to just step back and wring your hands and butt out and that seems too passive, one important thing you can do as the grandfather is to help pay for the counselor, lawyer, translator, court fees, and any other costs. If you have more money than your son, offer to assist in this way.
Thank you my oldest son lives with the father of the girl  my grandson lives with me and he has not spoken to this girl in months we asked my grandson if it was true he said no  My daughter which is his mom questioned him and he still says no i asked my grandson if he was worried he said a little but not because he being accused he worried cause he sees that we are worried he says he didn't do anything to be worried about he just doesn't understand why someone would lie on him like this. And we are not talking about it in front of him we just have to keep Praying
134578 tn?1614729226
Praying is a good idea, but don't forget why God made counselors and lawyers.

If your grandson lives with you, who has legal custody, his father and mother, or you? If it is you, at this point, speak to a lawyer and hire him a counselor, it's time to begin to assemble a support team for him. If the person with legal custody is your daughter, she should do this.

You knew your grandson when he was 11 or 12. Do you think he would have even had an idea of approaching someone sexually at that age? What about if it was against her will? And do you think he could have overpowered someone in order to have sex? It just doesn't sound likely to me. If he had been 13 or 14, it would seem more plausible. But though I've known 12-year-olds who wanted to kiss girls, I find it hard to imagine someone so young (who likely had no sexual experience) trying to have sex and being able to accomplish it, let alone thinking of, attempting and completing a sexual attack.

Is there any financial reason your grandson would make a good target? Does your family have a lot of money and the girl's family is poor?
134578 tn?1614729226
Also, you have mentioned your "son" and your "daughter" as parents of the boy. Which of those two is your child and which is your child's spouse?
No we have no money my daughter has custody my grandson still acted like a little boy at that age all he thought about was to play on his Xbox as of now he still acts like a little kid always being around family I know in my heart he didn't do it I'm going to talk to his mom and dad about getting help before it goes any worse of what I heard police was called last Wednesday we just haven't heard anything and to come to find out girl was caught smoking synthetic weed a week in half ago at school her dad knocked the cramp out of her so I don't know what's going
134578 tn?1614729226
If the police come to take a statement, ask if your grandson is being accused of a crime. If so, the right of an accused person is to have a lawyer in the room when the police ask him questions. He has the right not to speak if there is no lawyer present. Be sure your grandson knows this. There is nothing wrong with you telling the police that the girl has been caught doing drugs, but after that keep out of it and do let the lawyer handle things. If you haven't any money for a lawyer, call the nearest law school, ask for the dean's office, and ask if there are any legal clinics where you can get legal help on a sliding scale. (That means, if you have a low income there is no or little charge.) The dean's office will be able to tell you if they have clinics that handle cases like this or where you can go for help if they don't.
Also, film yourself asking the police for a lawyer and especially film them if they say your son has to come with them and refuse to consider you are asking that he be represented by a lawyer. Finally, be sure your grandson knows that all he has to say to the police is that he wants a lawyer. They will appoint one for him if he can't afford one, but usually you are better off with one you pay yourself because court-appointed lawyers are very busy.
Also, there is nothing wrong with your grandson saying to the police (if they come, which might never happen because the won't believe the girl) that he never touched the girl. The only problem is that they will try to lead him (from there) into answering all their questions and accusations, and for that, a lawyer for your grandson should be in the room.
Thank you for info will do all you said will let you know out come again Thank You for time
Each state may have different laws, as well. Your grandson's lawyer is very important for that reason alone. An article I was reading said, "Several years ago, news organizations released several reports concerning false confessions by juveniles. These reports spurred a national discussion surrounding the issue of minors making confessions to the police.

"In some places, the police have certain limitations when it comes to the questioning and interrogation of minors.

"-If the police want to question a minor who is 15 years old or younger, and they are being charged with a murder or a sex offense, an attorney must be present.

"-If a minor, under the age of 18, is being questioned for any crime, they must be read a simplified version of their rights. They must be specifically asked if they want to have a lawyer present for questioning and whether they want to talk to the police officer. The goal behind this requirement is to make sure that the minor child truly understands what they are doing by talking to the police.

"-If the minor is being questioned or interrogated for any felony and they are under the age of 18, the police must videotape the interrogation. This also applies to all misdemeanor sex cases. If the statement is not videotaped, it will not be admissible in court."

I don't know where you live or whether all of the above applies in the state where you do live, but it is very important for your grandson to know that if he does get questioned by the police, he should ask for a lawyer and keep asking for one if they seem slow to get him one. The concern about minors making false confessions is serious. A kid can get confused and say all kinds of things that aren't true, just because of the way the police are asking questions.
Hi well update it's been almost 2 weeks since we were notify about the so call incident that happened 3 years ago well no one has come to talk to us at all did hear that the girl changed story first she said everyone was sleeping now she says my granddaughter was awake and she went to the room were my granddaughter was and told her to hold her hand that something bad happened and that's all. My granddaughter says the girl never told her anything  if she would have said something my granddaughter would have told us right away so I don't know what to do it's a waiting game oh now police has not been called oh wow just don't know what to do
973741 tn?1342342773
I would personally stay in a holding pattern.  Innocent until proven guilty and this sounds sketchy at best.  How is your grandson feeling about it all?  
he 's like he has no care in the world not worried about it but he did say in the back of his mind he just wish he knew when this will be over he tired of seeing his mom and me worried
please help again we have not heard anything from no one till today my son called said that we need to push this cause the little girl does not want to get checked to see if she is still a virgin that the detective they spoke with said that they can take their for her to get checked till she is ready i asked who is the detective and no one can give me a name what should we do
973741 tn?1342342773
I'm not sure I'd make her get examined like that.  If they aren't pushing the charges, let it drop.  That is intrusive to a girl.  And doesn't necessarily prove anything as the hymen can break even without intercourse.  

Are they moving forward with any charges?
no one has come to us about anything  no name of a detective no nothing  girl does not want to get tested
hi it's me again i want to thank you for your comments  But have to get this off my chest will its been awhile that no one has said anything about what my grandson is being  so called accused of  till new years eve so happens that the girl tryed to commit suicide and that children prospected services removed her from her home because of this and that she had been going to therapy but no one is not telling us anything my daughter spoke with a attorney and he said for us not to do anything let it ride but for us to start saving money in case they come around  so confused im going crazy this just got to be over with cant live our life looking over our shoulders  GOD HELP US
973741 tn?1342342773
Well, thanks for the update.  I believe I stated earlier that the best thing is for you to do nothing.  To go on.  Not continue to contact them.  I understand she made a horrible accusation and you feel you need to clear your grandson's name but that is not helpful at this point. Let it go.  If there was anything behind the accusation, they'd have contacted you (the authorities).  Clearly this girl is in great turmoil and chaos and distress.  I'm not sure why she was removed from her home as that's not typical of a depressed child who  attempted suicide unless you mean she is receiving in hospital treatment for her mental health issues.  Unless there is something insidious or suspicious going on in their home.  

I know it is hard and everyone can benefit from a slush emergency fund of cash but you can't make the future happen faster than it is going to.  So, let it go and don't hold your grandson hostage to this accusation yourself by continuing to ruminate and focus on it.  Save money just in case and hope you never need it.  good luck
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