sibling sexual abuse

[crunchy1963]

i was just informed that a few years ago my now 18 year old daughter may have had some physical sexual contact with my now 11 year old son.At this point we do not know to the extreme of how far the sexual contact was taken,whether it was just touching and feeling or more,but he seems to be botherd by it and confused so we have taken him to a therapist.Again this has happend 2/3 years or more ago,when he was about 7 or 8,and she was 14/15,and only on 2 or 3 occasions as far as we know,so we dont know whether to blow this up or just let it pass as innocent adolecent behaviour ?We are afraid for both our children...the boy because he is showing signs of confusion and depression over the incident....and the daughter because we are afraid if we confront her with what we know she may panic and try to commit suicide or something ?We are at the mercy of your staff ? How should we handle this ? The abuse alledgedly took place again 2/3 years ago and not since so should we just let it slide ?? Please help ? Thank you ! Michael.

[hellow0rld]

..not sure if you will find this helpful.
I was abused as a chiald from a verg young age until I was 16, I believe my brother was aswell.. a lot of times when a child has been sexually abused they do it to some one aswell. When I was in probably the 3rd grade my brother had me take a bath with him this happened 2× then after both occasions he cryed n said he was sorry just as my dad would...also when I was a bit younger I had a cousin who touched me...with neither my brother or my cousin was there penatration. Only my maine abuser.I have NEVER spoke of either. I think you may need to investigate and find out if your little girl has been molested. My brother and I are close still. We have never spoke of it. I don't find myself ever being aloan with mh cousin.. I have never tou he'd any one in that way..the chain has to stop or else we are all screwed. Good luck to you and your family. Stay strong. Let them both know you love them. Don't act like you are accusing her of anything bad if You do ask.

[Nighthawk61]

Sorry you're so conflicted. First thing to say is that we're members here, helping out only with our own experiences strength and hope. We're here to support you to find professional help, in many cases. The worries that you have with your daughter are real, I suspect, and you need to tread lightly, with professional support from a position of unconditional love. For whatever the reasons that your daughter acted out inappropriately hopefully it was a mistake that she regrets, or maybe she needs treatment for feelings that she's having now that are inappropriate. Only a therapist would be able to extract that kind of information out of her and do the least damage. I don't think there's an easy answer. If it were me, I'd make sure that you had the BEST therapist to deal with this, and I take the time to really talk to them and make sure that they are not going to cause her more damage. You can't assume, without talking to them, that their process is acceptable. So, make sure that you this therapist is aware that you want the subject to be broached with unconditional love and understanding. Whatever help she needs she will be able to accept it, if she's feels that she trusts that the therapy for her is to help her get through what probably was her worst moment to date, and that the family is not angry, and blaming her for unacceptable behavior.  

Why don't you post on the Child Behavior Forum on the Expert Side of the Forums, (right side). At least then you'll also receive the advice of a doctor, if you can give it a day or so for them to get back to you. I'm wondering also what your son's therapist has said about how to or whether to address this with your daughter. Is she living at home? Is she aware that her brother is seeing a therapist? or why?

[rosey3216]

If he is showing signs of depression, I would not let this "slide." She is old enough to know right from wrong at age 14 or 15 and is not something that should be taken lightly at such an age. See what the therapist suggests but keep an eye on your son. How did you find out?

[margypops]

Yes What treatment did the therapist suggest is he seeing them regularly?

[mindy13651]

It would be a good idea to talk to her about it because she is old enough to understand right from wrong at age 14-15 now the boy is very young and could go into a depression I would consider dealing with the issue now and maybe even a therapist would help for the boy.

[allmymarbles]

What does the therapist suggest?