"I just don't seem to want to stop."
That pretty much says it all. What's it going to take to make you want to stop? Till you fry your brain with the other stuff in the cough syrup? Your secret gets out? You get a DUI? Your husband finally has enough and kicks you to the curb?
Treatment or 12 Step programs never worked for me either, but when things got so bad stopping looked better than continuing to use, I quit drinking. That will be 18 years ago next month.
My opiate use took up where my alcohol abuse left off and it wasn't till 2 of my best friends died that I finally saw if I didn't stop using I was probably next in line to die. Tomorrow, the 23rd, will be the 5 year anniversary of my best friends death.
What's it going to take for you?
You try cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
Your desire to not use has to be stronger than your desire to use.
You need to change your thinking.
You are risking losing your family.
Do you have a pastor you can also speak to?
There is freedom from the chains and bondage of addiction,
You have to want to be set free.
Ask yourself a list of questions before you take a swig of alcohol. ( cough syrup). What do I fear? Why am I unhappy? What other activity could I do to stop this? Have a notebook. Write your answers. Then if you take the drink. Write down why. Why was this important? How do I feel now? Will this last? Be honest. Do these exercises every single time.
Reread your notebook. If the pages do not move your emotions, try new questions. Remember the only one with the key to the door is you.
When you are motivated to stop, you will. It's up to you. Pamela
Rock bottom for me was carreer losd and a
Alot if money, alot which means ruining my life, im a fan of 12 steps, its been the oldest and strongest form to date, i didny like it all the time because i wasent 100% honest 100%, i remmember the cousallor telling me in treatment, did anyone plan on being here, its ether prison, institution, or death. That stuck with me, im sick.
I think rock bottom is different for everyone, but kuku is right. You have to get to that place where you make the decision.
Mine was after a 4-day bender (blow and booze) and I got scared...that was 7 years ago!
You can do anything you decide to do. But the first decision, the one to get clean, is the one that will lead you into recovery.
Sending you light and positive energy!
I want to start by telling you that I dealt with an obsession worse than this and I don't think AA or any other group out there will ever help you.The only thing that did help me is first of all God and myself.I think that you and me both know good and well posting on this website will not stop your obsession only you and the thought that you your kids will eventually find out their mother is sneaking cough syrup and loves that more than them is the only way you will ever stop this.
I wish I could help you but I can't you have to help your self.
My opinion only: You are not ready to stop. Some people just can't do it!
You may be one of them. I say this because if someone WANTS it bad enough, their own strength of will gets them there. This is a journey one takes alone. No one can go with you or for you, and it takes a incredible amount of strength. Some never finish that journey--right now looks like you are one of them.
We here cannot make you stop. I think you know this. Who knows what give's some the will to stop. I do know when one finally makes that commitment it is not for others, it is that persons decision alone. Everyone has their own "reason" for wanting to stop but seeing it through to the end can ONLY be accomplished alone and within one self.
I truly hope one day you will want to live a sober life for yourself! It is the only way it works.
Would you continue to eat strawberries if you were allergic to them? Would you drink milk if it made you throw up? Would you continue to use a detergent if it made you itch all over?
At rehab they teach you that alcoholism is an allergy to whatever it is you crave! So you are allergic to cough syrup or whatever it contains. It causes the death of some of your brain cells so that you can't think clearly and your body mistakes that for a craving for more.
When some of those brain cells die, it causes a type of euphoria (buzz) which some people actually like. It makes you feel like you can handle anything. Reality is, you can't handle anything at all!!
Call your support team members from rehab and be honest telling them what is happening. Ask for help. Nothing to be ashamed of. it would be a shame if you didn't ask for help.
Live in the present. For every hour that you don't take a swig of that cough syrup, pat yourself on the back. Take a deep breath and a sigh of relief. When you feel like you just have to have that drink, take a deep breath, let it out slowly and walk out the door for a little walk. Stop to look at the sky, the clouds, the flowers, the rocks, trees, whatever and thank God that you walked away from it.
Ask your husband for help. Tell him you are allergic to the cough syrup and need help staying away from it. Ask him to give you a hug as a reward for every hour that you abstain. Bring him into your support group.
If you can attend AA meetings, get hubby to go with you to the Family night meetings. He might be surprised to find how many are struggling with this problem. And he might make some new friends.
Wishing you the best.