So after a post here and there on this forum, and quite a few great responses, nothing has yet changed to allow me to leave my addict. OxyContin is one powerful drug. I could argue, almost more powerful than love.
I find myself on the couch tonight after another huge blowup fight. With my demanding he admit the truth, when the truth is what I already know.
If I leave now and something happens to him then what happens ? It would be my fault. How do I stop this? I feel like I've signed up for an unlimited trial and didn't fully read the fine print. I'm trapped.
My "love" has lead me to be financially responsible for a lot. And have debt. All his, under my name, so I know I won't get the money back, it's now my debt.
My "love" has lead to unconditional failure and abuse. I feel used and worthless.
If I leave now, we lose our apartment, he looses his rides to work. We lose our relationship. And much worse what if he looses himself? I don't know how to make him okay. How to insure he'll be okay? If anything ever happened I don't know how I'd forgive myself.......
I guess my question is what do I do? How do I leave? ...... How do I rebuild myself and reclaim my life again and make sure his doesn't end? I'm afraid. Afraid of the loss being too great. A lossthat I could have prevented ......