Avatar universal

Does it ever get easier ?

So after a post here and there on this forum, and quite a few great responses, nothing has yet changed to allow me to leave my addict. OxyContin is one powerful drug. I could argue, almost more powerful than love.
I find myself on the couch tonight after another huge blowup fight. With my demanding he admit the truth, when the truth is what I already know.
If I leave now and something happens to him then what happens ? It would be my fault. How do I stop this? I feel like I've signed up for an unlimited trial and didn't fully read the fine print. I'm trapped.
My "love" has lead me to be financially responsible for a lot. And have debt. All his, under my name, so I know I won't get the money back, it's now my debt.
My "love" has lead to unconditional failure and abuse. I feel used and worthless.
If I leave now, we lose our apartment, he looses his rides to work. We lose our relationship. And much worse what if he looses himself? I don't know how to make him okay. How to insure he'll be okay? If anything ever happened I don't know how I'd forgive myself.......
I guess my question is what do I do? How do I leave? ...... How do I rebuild myself and reclaim my life again and make sure his doesn't end? I'm afraid. Afraid of the loss being too great. A lossthat I could have prevented ......
4 Responses
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1235186 tn?1549257619
Huni you can't fix him. You didn't cause his addiction, you can't control his addiction and you can't stop his addiction.
It's not your fault. Why are you blaming yourself?
Yes at this point the drugs are more important than love.
Sad but true.
You have taken on his burdens. They are his. He needs to man up.
Yes you need to move out and let him fend for himself, he needs to get
Himself to work, pay his own bills and be  responsible for himself.
Yes he is using you. You are enabling him.
How much more are you willing to take?
He has to want to be clean for himself.
Please take care of you and move on with your life.
His addiction will continue until he's ready to stop.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Anything that happens by you leaving is NOT your fault. You didn't cause his addiction and you can't cure it.

You have to look out for yourself because an addict can't look out for you.

Good luck.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
If he has a job, he should get  a line of credit and take on his financial responsibility, NOW.

Please keep this thread going, and tell us how you are faring. ?

We care.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He has started going to meetings. I haven't had the time to go to any myself yet. It's been a hard go. He hadn't gone to work in 3 weeks and refuses to. I've never seen someone so depressed. I know it may not be my responsibility but I can't leave and take the chance of a downward spiral. If anything ever happened to him and I knew I could have prevented it, I don't know what I would do. I love him but this is hard.
I've given him a month to get his licence in order so he can have his own means to get to work, as I am his only one as of now. I know addiction is a hard thing to deal with, but  I don't think they know how hard it is to deal with an addict
Helpful - 0
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