How do I let time heal when I want/need answers?

[Knockingdownwalls]

I am looking for some guidance, opinions, support. My fiance is an addict (prescription pain pills). We have been together 5 1/2 years. I only found out about him using about 2 years ago. Yes I was blind. I have never touched a drug. He has recently admitted himself into rehab. He's been there almost 60 days. I am trying to educate myself before he comes home. I have always been a strong, my way, not afraid to speak my mind type person. But I understand that the recovery process can be super sensitive. So I would love to find a forum to go to for opinions, others stories, any advice. So that I don't drive myself crazy or turn mad because I want answers now, and the how could you's addressed. Which I know will come in time. But not mine. So here I am...

[Nighthawk61]

It is wonderful that your husband admitted himself into rehab. Truly. My husband and myself met about 18 year ago, and for 17plus we've been clean and sober. We made a pact when we were both clean and sober, that if one were to relapse, that they would have to go to a 90 day Relapse Prevention Rehab. I got injured at work and needed a good deal of his attention as i was trying to keep up with a 12 hour a day shift at an auto assembly plant. The injury the stress took most of my attention, he was feeling unloved no doubt, and used. About a week into it I realized that he was a danger to himself, i went to his family doctor and insisted that he be put into a 72 hour psychiatric stay to evaluate his mental health. He was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and given medication and i insisted that he immediately go to the 90 Relapse Prevention Rehab. When it hit the fan, i immediately went to an Addictions Therapist and it was really helpful to answer the questions you may have but also to support you for the duration so it's my advice that you immediately go and find an Addictions therapist to talk to and have to talk to when you need it. Yes, being in a relationship in early sobriety is complex , that's why it's suggested nobody in early sobriety hooks up for a year. however, you've been grandfathered in, and you need as much help with this, as he does. We're here for you, reach out to anyone you wish, by hitting their name and sending them a "private message". You're in my thoughts and prayers. Liz

[1231986]

Hi, that is great he went into treatment on his own. I have not been on this forum for like 3 years but speaking  from experience, and like deb said there is always hope. I can only offer advice based on my own experience but when he comes home i guess just try to be really supportive and talk to him and let him know he can talk to you. Try not to be judgemental when he talks and not to get angry. Which can be really tough, trust me i know but it just doesn't help anything.I find when things go wrong it can trigger them to want to use, its like they just can't deal with reality sometimes. If he has been in there for 60 days that is really good, and he obviously saw that he had a problem. You could try going to meetings. Its important that you get what you need to say out, you should not have to keep it bottled up all the time, that will just breed resentment. I have been dealing with my husbands addiction problems for about 7 years now, and i wasn't aware of it in the beginning. So  don't feel naive or blind, they can be really good at hiding things. It is a process you will have good and bad days but just think of it as one day at a time. My husband will still use from time to time and then if i find out, which i usually do now because i know what to look for we have it out. But never let it go to far you have to try to be in control of your emotions and realize your not dealing with a person who is working at full capacity. I have gotten a lot better at talking to him about it, which will come with time. But things are better, and that's the point. Life will never be exactly how i want it, as long as your fiance tries, and he might fail sometimes but as long as he tries that is a big thing. Sorry i don't really know what else to say but it might be a struggle sometimes, but things can get better.

[Deb179]

Hi so happy you reached out !!!
there are so many unanswered questions when it comes to addiction, every person different yet the story the same.

Very wise to educate yourself, that's so important, not only for you, its just as important trying to understand their side.

I've never used....my addict was my son, who happens to be going on 6 years clean from a very heavy iv heroin addiction.
SO ...with that being said, PLEASE know there is ALWAYS hope, when it begins to feel hopeless.

It's a  Great start that HE admitted HIMSELF in rehab !!!
As you know only he can be responsible for his addiction.
I think our first hurdle is learning we cant fix them, we need to learn to let guilt go, we need to know it's nothing we have or haven't done that causes them to use, we need to learn how not to enable, (we do that in ways were not aware of)
Most important....we NEED to take care of us, we have to be well both mentally and physically  to help guide them back when their ready.

I came here many years ago totally ignorant to addiction, the best way to learn is ask....so you ask away
were here for you :)