Avatar universal

I found a small bag of cocaine in my husbands pocket.

Today I found a very small bag of white powder in the pocket of his shorts he wore this weekend.  I found a similar baggy about 2 years ago on top of a shelf in the garage where our radio is, but he said it wasn't his but probably belonged to the painters who were painting the inside of our house.  
When we started dating he said he had used years ago and that he used to smoke pot too but he stopped all that when he got older and married for the first time.  
He goes to work everyday, pays all the bills,  comes right home from work,works in the yard, helps out with laundry,etc.  He never has unaccounted time where he goes missing or anything.  
Am I jumping the gun if I confront him.  Can some people just do a little?  
I know he is under stress because of his job and because I am disabled and he worries about me so much.  
Please let me know what you think.   We have been together 10 years.
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Avatar universal
**** that ask him for a line. Do one together. Get on his level or hes gonna leave you
Helpful - 0
4113881 tn?1415850276
Theres nothing you can do or tell him that will make him stop....especially because it sounds like hes a high functioning addict. There is no "occasional" use with meth. Your really in a tough situation right now. Your going to have to make a decision on what you want to do for you...not him. Are you ok with being married to someone who is actively using? Like I mentioned above...all it takes is getting pulled over 1 time and he could get arrested for possession.

Your going to have to dig deep and figure out what you want to do. You can tell him, "hey...Im not ok with you using even if its occasional and if it continues Im going to have to leave" Something like that. But just be calm about it...approach him in a caring way.

Im sorry your dealing with this and will continue to pray for you.
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Avatar universal
TT Hubby. He sd it was speed not cocaine. Bought from somone at work.  He sd he buys once a month & uses about twice a month.  He has been using for a year. He made no offer to stop.
Honestly if I wouldn't have found it, I never would have known. I'm sorry I did.
I don't know what to do. Should I do anything?
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
He's manipulating you and trying to rationalizing his use.  Please proceed with caution, keep your eyes wide open and take what he's saying with a grain of salt.

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Avatar universal
It would be hard to walk away from 10 years together if he won't agree to counseling & stopping.  
I think he had unresolved issues from childhood. He sd he didn't have a great childhood like I did & the world wasn't good to him like it had been to me.
Do you know how awful I felt?
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Avatar universal
Thanks for your post. I need advise & wisdom right about now.
I kepp wanting to just overlook it but then I remind myself it is drugs.  I feel bad, he msde me feel bad for saying he needed to stop. He pointed out all the good things he does, how he's not lazy, but a hard worker & now I feel guilty.
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
If he admitted to once a month the reality is that it is more and for much longer than you think.
It is never ok to do illicit  or illegal drugs.
Needing it to do yard work is an excuse. He enjoys it.
If  He has/ is ,  been hiding , deceiving and lying about drugs  that
Is not an honest relationship.
If he is under stress from his job, because you are disabled,there are
Certainly better ways to deal with life than taking drugs.
Counseling, church, exercise, substance abuse support groups.

There are many reasons, excuses why people use. It can be terrible and hard to deal with life on its terms.
Does he pay the bills and control the money?
I would not be ok with him continuing to use drugs.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I confronted husband and he said it was speed that he bought from someone at work.  He says he only buys it like once a month and uses it to have energy to do the yard work and similar things when he comes home from work.
I feel so confused.   He does work everyday, pays the bills, takes care of me (I have severe heart/lung problems), takes care of our two small dogs.  He has worked at the same co for 35 years, has paid off this house and has a small amount in savings, a large 401/k, etc.  I feel bad making him seem like a bad person.  I'm just so worried.  Do you think I should push it?
He got defensive and listed all he does and how responsible he is.  He's not lazy, he doesn't go out with guys, he comes right home afterwork each day.  He has my parents over for burgers, even went on vacation with them last year.  
Should I just drop it for now?
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Avatar universal
Thank you. I appreciate your support and information.  
Helpful - 0
4113881 tn?1415850276
There are many high functioning addicts out there. A lot of people think that addicts look a certain way...or are all criminals when in fact there are just as many addicts whom hold jobs and are productive members of society. That doesn't mean they dont deal with an internal struggle or that the drugs wont eventually lead them to destruction. During my class last night, my professor talked about a client of his who is and has been an IV meth addict for YEARS. He is a doctor!

Maybe your husband does coke recreational every now and then...or maybe hes a high functioning addict. NG listed all the health effects above and whether he is a chronic user or not....he is not exempt from dealing with those issues. I always point out too that all it takes is ONE TIME to get stopped for a traffic violation while in possession to start that extremely fast downward spiral to losing everything. Even having it in your home is putting you at legal risk.

If you do confront your husband...do it in a non confrontational way if that makes sense. Just try and be calm about it and ask him to whats up with it. Addicts usually get very defensive when confronted with drug use and try to flip it on the loved one. Just be prepared.

Just want to reiterate what NG said above...cocaine does a number on the brain and its extremely hard to quit. You may need to seek professional help for your husband.

Good luck and God Bless
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you for your post. He does seem very moody lately. Seems like he just wants to come home and be by himself until 8 o clock or so.  He stays outside watering the garden or the flowers drinking beer.  I stay inside, eat dinner and watch tv or read.  
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
This is a tough one.  Do some people use cocaine recreationally here and there?  Sure.  FAR more people end up addicted to it, and cocaine is one of the worst addictions out there...it VERY much becomes mental and emotional NEED, not to mention it's dangerous and can cause very serious health consequences.

You describe your husband as kind of following a normal routine, that's a GOOD sign, but it's not a guarantee that this isn't a problem for him (or that it will become one).  Addicts are good at hiding things and putting on a good front.

My advice to you is to be honest with him, tell him you found it, and that you're a bit concerned.  See how he reacts.  Also, keep your eyes open for any other signs he may have an addiction problem, money missing, financial difficulties, him acting very "up", then very "down".  Cocaine abusers often don't sleep much, if at all for days on end.  You would notice a lot of mood swings as well.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, it's most certainly something to worry about.  If anything, maybe you can have your husband research the dangers of cocaine use (even recreationally), and express that you're concerned for his well being.  Here's some info to start with:

Cocaine produces its powerful high by acting on the brain. But as cocaine travels through the blood, it affects the whole body.

Cocaine is responsible for more U.S. emergency room visits than any other illegal drug. Cocaine harms the brain, heart, blood vessels, and lungs -- and can even cause sudden death. Here's what happens in the body:

Heart. Cocaine is bad for the heart. Cocaine increases heart rate and blood pressure while constricting the arteries supplying blood to the heart. The result can be a heart attack, even in young people without heart disease. Cocaine can also trigger a deadly abnormal heart rhythm called arrhythmia.
Brain. Cocaine can constrict blood vessels in the brain, causing strokes. This can happen even in young people without other risk factors for strokes. Cocaine causes seizures and can lead to bizarre or violent behavior.

Lungs and respiratory system. Snorting cocaine damages the nose and sinuses. Regular use can cause nasal perforation. Smoking crack cocaine irritates the lungs and, in some people, causes permanent lung damage.

Gastrointestinal tract. Cocaine constricts blood vessels supplying the gut. The resulting oxygen starvation can cause ulcers, or even perforation of the stomach or intestines.

Kidneys. Cocaine can cause sudden, overwhelming kidney failure through a process called rhabdomyolysis. In people with high blood pressure, regular cocaine use can accelerate the long-term kidney damage caused by high blood pressure.

Sexual function. Although cocaine has a reputation as an aphrodisiac, it actually may make you less able to finish what you start. Chronic cocaine use can impair sexual function in men and women. In men, cocaine can cause delayed or impaired ejaculation.


Best to luck to you!
Helpful - 0

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