Avatar universal

I have to help fix this or it is over

My husband was in a serious motorcycle accident 7 years ago, broke (in order from top to bottom) his neck, collar bone, shoulder, elbow, low back, pelvis, knee, leg, great toe.  Ok 18 surgeries later he walks fine, he is still in pain in the low back, he is severely depressed and addicted to pain meds.  He OD's every couple of weeks, gets stupid, passes out, breaks things, says stupid ****, calls friends and relative and cries, does stuff that causes him more pain (picking up 4X4 posts for example), living with him is like have a troubled 14 year old around.  I'm at the end of dealing with this - if he does not apply himself to getting some help, I'm done, 27 years of marriage down the tubes.  He has no income, he can't drive, his whole life revolves around "Oh, I hurt so I can't do anything"  He sits on the couch, smoke cigs and cries about what he has become.  His whole life (and mine) revolve around his pills, his doctors, his appointments, his sad, sad, sad life. He has pain meds and anti-depressant reactions that are just unreal, morphine makes him hyper-active, anti-depressants make him violent,  I'm so done with all of this.  He is seriously ADHD - but to what extent the Norco is responsible, I don't know.  I have threatened the doctors with a law suit if they give him more soma.  He can't remember anything for more than a few minutes. He has fallen down this well and I'm being pulled in with him.  This has to end now.  I'm looking for the answer to his depression.  His mother put him on Rittlin as a kid and he was on it until he was 16.  I seriously think if I could get a doctor to look at what it really is, he could get on something like adaril and maybe it would kick him out of this rut.  I don't know, I'm waiting to be referred to a real pain management clinic.  Will they help or will they just write him a script for more norco and will have to tell them no soma, no oxy, no mscontin and all that crap?  I think he could seriously use a few sessions with a nice stern shrink but it all lays within himself.  I work full time and thank God, I have good health care insurance, but I do not have anything going on for Mental health - which he needs badly.  I'm broke - all this crap has me in debt up to my ears and I'm 57 years old. He is 49.  Help!!  This is going to change.  I will have to be a ***** about it, but I'm not living this way anymore.  Any suggestions?
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Sorry to hear about your troubles. Being a goal tender by trying to keep all the opiates away from your husband can really drive you nuts. It can consume you entirely; physically, mentally and spiritually. I'm sure your husband has his MRIs along with his Radiologist reports. Not much can be done on that front that I can think of, but you might get some advice from others. There is a diverse group of good folks on this site.

There IS something you can do for YOU. Try Al-anon.  I went through the same thing when my daughter became an addict. Nothing we did would stop her. Nothing. We were sure she was heading for jail (she was stealing to get drug $$), an institution or death. Al-anon helped me to get my life back. MY life not my daughters. I needed to change my focus completely. My entire focus was on her, as soon as i awoke in the morning until I fell asleep at night. Al-anon helped me to take the focus off of her and what she was doing to herself, allowing her the dignity to be who she is, and most importantly allow her to feel the consequences from her actions. Meanwhile I was regaining my sanity. She finally got into NA when SHE wanted to, and has been clean from drugs for 9 years now. I just got done baby sitting the new princess, our 3 year old granddaughter, while my daughter showed a house. She has become a very successful real estate agent. (al-anon didn't do that SHE did!)

Give Al-anon or Nar-anon a try. go there, take what you need and leave the rest. If you feel it's right for you, you'll stay. Meanwhile, try to remember you have a life too! Keep us posted, and vent anytime you need to.
495284 tn?1333894042
You are in a tough situation right now and i feel for you.  There is really nothing you can do for him at this point as he has to want to change things up.  There are things you can do tho and Alanon would be a good start.  It is free and the people you will meet are either going thru the same thing or have gone thru it.  You will find fellowship and great learning tools so you can start living again, not just existing.  Keep talking with us as we are here to support you~sara
Avatar universal
Hi I have some quick and affective answers to your problem with your husband hon.  First of all I go to pain management and they started giving me methadone.  I was not bad like your husband is but the doctor thought it was a good choice.  I tried it and it takes care of the pain but it blocks the receptors in the brain that get you high.  Have him take this and it will solve both of your problems.  I hope this helps.
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