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Is it better to know everything of his past addiction, or start fresh?

My spouse is currently in rehab (he went willingly) for an off and on opiate addiction that he's struggled with over the last few years. He's doing really well, and his recovery sounds promising. During the rehab, as many of you may know, they offer a family course where we stay for several days and take part in lectures/meetings with our loved one. Part of the therapy, is to conduct an honest and transparent conversation about their addiction and their wrong-doings. I'm currently 5 months pregnant, and my S/O feels it would be too much stress on my body/the baby if I take part in the meetings, although he said the decision to partake is mine in the end. My questions is this...am I better off not knowing? If we want to start over and leave the past in the past, isn't it better to leave those "wrong-doings" in the past as well? I've forgiven him for the deceit, and I am willing to help him through this, much as I would if it were any other disease. He hasn't stolen from me, mistreated me, or done any of the other things I've seen/heard other addicts do. However, I compared this to him being unfaithful (he’s NEVER been unfaithful but I feel the same betrayal). If he had cheated, would I want to know all the dirty details? Or is it better to leave the woman (drugs) in the past and move forward with a clean slate? I'm not one to dwell on someone's mistakes. We're human. We make mistakes, and I firmly believe he has learned from his. I’m afraid knowing the details may cause more harm than good. But if it’s an essential part to his recovery, I will do my part and listen with an open mind.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Me personally, I would want to know.  This is your life.  And addiction, unfortunately, has components to it that relapse is very common.  It's NOT like any other disease.  It isn't just someone being sick, it's someone bringing other pain and chaos into your life if they relapse.  I'd not worry about the women part.  You don't really need those details but I'd want to know how he got into drugs, how he got out, and what he does to prevent relapse.  And I'd even ask him what kinds of clues would someone have that he has slipped.  It's a risky proposition to be with an addict even a recovered one.  And I LOVE the addicts in my life.  But it's a life long battle and switching to a new drug of choice to substitute for the one given up is also not common.  After care, counseling and mental health help is essential to maintaining a life time of sobriety.  My two cents.  :>)  
You should know.  You also should be angry that he used.  During my loved one's rehab, I got to come in and publicly share how I'd been hurt by it.  Wow, healing.  The person hated it.  Was mad.  But that portion of recovery was for me to express all that **I** had been through dealing with my loved one's addiction and why I never would wish that on anyone.  

Not essential to HIS recovery but to yours.  Codependence is real.  Take care and I feel you.  I hope he stays sober and will pray for it!
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