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Progressive use

My son, 26, has been addicted for several years; starting with pot, then to abusing prescription drugs, and about 3 or 4 years ago started using needles. He admits to abusing oxycotin. and roxy cotin (sorry for my spelling). He holds down a job, but seems to cycle into times of light use with the help of suboxin, to heavier use. He is prescribed xanax, adderal and a sleep aid. I am at a loss as to whether I am helping him by letting him live here or enabling him to not seek the help he needs. But what is that help? I am not heartened by rehab programs, as they seem to not last. Any ideas or suggestions for someone who wants to do the right thing? Thank you.
7 Responses
Avatar universal

          Its sometimes hard to figure out I also have a son he is now 32 but he has been addicted to meth since he was 24 but we just keep on trying to help him.  He lived with us till he was 29 and then my wife almost had a nerveous break down he is her step son but I had to make him leave he come in all times of the night brought people in we never new and would fight me if he got made enough but I did not hurt him just called the law to come get him and they did took him to the hospital to go to rehab but he just got real cool and talked his way out of going so I told him if he did not get help he had to go some where else and he did he did not think that I would call the law and that got his attention.  He is doing better now he went to rehab last year 90 day program and it helped him to see that he is not the only one that needs recovery he lives in a small house on moms farm and helps them some  So hope this helps God bless.
Avatar universal
bobo im sending you a private message
1809109 tn?1331803777
Rehab programs can work. My sister used an inpatient rehab followed by a halfway house and the AA/12 step program to great success. But nothing will work if he doesn't want it and even if he really wants it, sometimes people need a few trial runs to make it.

It takes a great desperate desire to be able to step away from an addiction. For my sister it took her being told that her baby would be taken away. For my niece's dad it took his best friend dying from a brain aneurysm and jail. Some times it takes a lot for someone to realize just how much harm it's doing not only to them (some people recon it's not hurting others so their addiction is ok) but also harming their relationships and loved ones.

Right now you are in a hard position because yes- some people will say kick him out, giving him a place to hide makes him not want to face reality. But others will point out that sobriety's greatest friend is a community full of people who are supportive.

My family took a little of A and a little of B. My sister got upset at everyone telling her she wasn't doing what's best for her daughter so she moved to be with her daughter's father out of state. Like usual she needed to be rescued so our grandma fronted the train ride home. But even with that support my mother, brother and I decided to kick her out of the house. We repainted her room and turned it into my mom's room and said her baby is welcomed any time and she can sleep on the couch if she needs to, but there is no room for her or her friends with us and she needs to find somewhere else to go. She tried to go to her father's house who told her the same thing- we have no room for you here, we'd love you to visit though, but you need to find somewhere else. We all took turns watching my niece, but it came down to someone pointing out that she was homeless, abusing drugs and could very easily get her daughter taken by CPS because of it for her to get the hint. Still she wanted an out of patient care because she didn't really want to get sober. Finally something snapped and she allowed herself to embrace a rehab program. She walked into the rehab facility still tweaking form her last high. But when she got out she moved away from her friends and drug sources to another grandmother's house. She did 12 steps and AA and with the support of my grandma was able to figure out how to be a grown up.

We gave her support, but we gave her tough love too. Was it the right thing, I don't know- it worked for her though. Still it took time, patience and a lot of support to help her get where she is. But she wouldn't have been able to do any of it if she didn't want to in the first place.
82861 tn?1333453911
ducky, your family did great!  You supported the recovery but not the addiction.  :-)

bobosc, your son isn't ready to get sober which is why rehab didn't help.  Nobody in a rehab facility can make your son stay sober.  All they can do is teach him new skills and understand his triggers so he can maintain sobriety.  That's entirely his choice and his job.

Addicts have to have consequences that make them see their lives are unmanageable before they can seriously look at sobriety as an option.  Your son is an adult.  He should be self-supporting by now.  As long as he has a roof over his head, food in his belly, etc., why should he change?

We who live with addicts have to do a lot of changing too because we allow an addicted loved one to rule our lives.  We change our behavior depending on what the addict does at any given moment.  We neglect ourselves and our own needs in a hopeless pursuit of trying to cure the addict or save him from his actions.  That's called co-dependency.  

Please consider attending some Al-Anon meetings.  You'll have support from people just like you and you'll learn the truth about addiction and how to get some sanity and control back into your life no matter what your son does.  You can find meeting locations at the Al-Anon website:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Avatar universal
Thank you all for the comments. It is a maze in my brain that I try and navigate and there is no blue print as to how to get to the end. It is absolutely true that my son's self absorption and plunge into addiction took me with him. A special thank you to Addicted2long for his private message. Hearing form a non-using addict is helpful in a unique way. I hope I am doing this right, I am new to the site and to forums. I feel so lucky to have found this site.
1979360 tn?1328143865
stay here with the forums, and keep us posted on how everything goes with your son!!!
Avatar universal
You are very welcome and I'm glad.you joined the forum. I thought that we could relate a lot seeing your son in my exact age and similar situation. I hope he realizes we are all here to help. The genuine support and care you find on these forums you will not find.anywhere else. There are great caring and wonderful people here. They prob saved my life. Keep posting and feel feel to send me a message anytime. I responded to your last one. Your friend, A2L
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