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Avatar universal

Save my marriage

My wife went to rehab to get better for herself, and our marriage. She went in telling me I was her rock, her support, and a huge part of her motivation to get clean. Her family has thanked me for being so instrumental in her happiness, and desire to recover. She has let me know that when she gets out on Monday, that she will be moving 50 miles away with one of her roommates, and her husband. Told me she needs to get away from everyone, and all her triggers. I don't used, and we have had a great marriage aside from addiction related issues. I keep hearing about people's emotions being turned upside down, and know that this is most likely the cause. I don't want to lose my wife, and feel it's a matter of time, but I'm afraid of what she might do in the meantime. I know she is vulnerable, and can be easily taken advantage of. What can I do that can shake someone out of this confusion? She needs me, and her families support through this, and she keeps pushing us away
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Avatar universal
Well, they lost their director at the end of 2013, pending an "investigation."  http://www.couriernews.com/view/full_story/24267327/article-Freedom-House-remains-open-after-termination-of-director

That may or may not mean anything.  

One way to seek out reviews on a place, is job-sites for reviews by employees.  Here are 15 from indeed.com:  http://www.indeed.com/cmp/Freedom-House/reviews?fcountry=US

One thing stuck out in my mind from your original post:  "we have had a great marriage aside from addiction related issues. "

The marriage wasn't great for her...she was in active addiction and very very sick.  No addict has a "great relationship" with anyone when they are actively using their DOC.    Your wife has issues going on with her that she needs to address on her own...if you truly love her (and I think you) then what you may need to do is simply pray for her and watchfully wait.   It's excruciating I know...and why addiction is often called a "family disease."  

Freedom House, after a cursory search on my own, seems to be okay.   Due to HIPAA laws, they cannot tell you ANYTHING about a family member's health, treatment, condition, etc.    I'm a health insurance broker and I run into anguished family members from time to time who cannot believe that they cannot get medical information at all about a loved one.  Freedom House is a 501(c) 3 which means they are non-profit and receive government funding.  They're going to be insanely guarded about HIPAA compliance.

Hang in hon.  I hope this all works out for you...

More Hugs,
-Robin
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The place is called Freedom House, out of Russellville Ar, and are ARVACa  sponsored 12 step program. They do have a website, and as far as I know they have been around for several ten+ years. To be honest, we looked for the closest facility to home, so visitation would be easier. Obviously is retrospect, this was a poor decision. She has shut out everyone in her family, with the exception of her dad. Even then there has been very little contact. I did notice that there isn't a single review about this place, which seems odd given the length of time they have been doing business. I have only been able to find one person that had been treated there, and they had mixed reviews. They did say that they would have residents use their food stamps to fill the vending machines, then they would still have to pay to get anything out of it. Also said counsellors would play favorites, and let some of them log in to ther fb, and contact friends, and family. I don't know how credible this person is, but nothing at this point would surprise me
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The whole thing is odd.   It is a 12-step based program?  Does this place have a website?   Are they connected to a hospital or community medial center?  Do they have 12 step or even family meetings on-site?

Sorry for so many questions, but I have one more:  How did your wife find out about this place, and/or why did she choose to go there?

There are some very funky rehab places popping up these days.   Heck, the Church of Scientology has their own rehab for narcotics addiction, and don't get me started on them.  

If this were me, and it were my spouse, all kinds of red flags would be going up.  I'd start by contacting the Dept of Health in your state and find out a bit more about the background of this place.  How long have they been in business?  Are they private or non-profit?  Have any complaints been lodged against them, or have they ever been penalized by the state or county?  

Traditional 12-step based programs would never have 3 addicts moving in together after only a 30 day program, but this place may not be based on the 12-step model.  

It's so hard for family members of an addict, because there is nothing they can do...unless, or course, you feel as if your wife is being manipulated or coerced against her free will.   I didn't find refills suggestion of seeking legal counsel to be inappropriate at all---in fact, I was going to suggest it myself as a possibility for the future.  Maybe not now, but if I were YOU, it would definitely be something in the back of my mind.

Do you have children? What about your wife's side of the family; have they also been shut out?

Finally, if you cannot find Al-Anon, I'd suggest you get some counseling for yourself so you can feel supported and heard by someone.  

I can appreciate how stressful this all is for you.   Good luck honey.
Hugs,
-Robin
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It's a 30 program, and she gets out today. I know they aren't supposed to make any major life changes until they learn to process emotions they aren't used to. But I know my wife well enough to know that she is VERY headstrong, and once she gets something in her head (right or wrong) no one can change her mind, but herself. I do believe she's doing what she thinks is best. I'm just questioning her influences
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
How long has she been in rehab?
It is always recommended that the first year of recovery not to make any
Major changes in your life.
Emotions are so raw and their mind is not thinking clearly.



Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It's ok, I don't think he meant any harm, or offence. I appreciate any advice, prayers, and we'll wishes. I don't know how this will all play out. My worry is that she will jump into a relationship with someone else. I know how vulnerable, and emotionally unsound right now. If she does, I have to ask myself if I can live with it, and what I can accept. I know that under any other circumstances it would be a deal breaker, but the other thing I know is that I love my wife with all my heart, and that I know without a doubt that she loves me too. She's just lost right now, and I pray that when she realizes that she needs me as much as I need her, that she isn't too proud to make her way home
Helpful - 0

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