What do I do now?

[Probablyanenabler]

I feel like this is all my fault!!! Several years ago when  i'm at my fiancé he said to me one day that he was tired so I offered him one of my Adderall's. I'm on Adderall because I have idiopathic hypersomnia (kind of like narcolepsy).  Well I didn't know it but ever since that day he's been taking them from me. Before I met him he had a problem with pain pills and apparently shortly before  we had met he had just gotten clean.  Didn't find out for several months that he was taking my prescription because I didn't really keep track and I really had no need to because I lived alone. When I found out  I wasn't sure exactly what to do and I kind of felt like he needed them as well because he expressed and displayed a lot of the same symptoms that I had. So  I was dumb and kept letting him have some and then I would start running out before I was able to get a refill so using his prior connections he would get some from other people.  This kind of cycle has gone on for a while  but sometimes they're not always easy to find and that makes it so we don't have any and I'm not able to go to work or take good care of my kids.  A few weeks ago or maybe a month I found out that if he didn't have any Adderall that he would get pain pills instead.  He just got a job two weeks ago after barely working here and there for the last year and a half and now he hasn't been to work for the last four days. Last week he was arrested because  he fell asleep while parked outside of someone's house that he was supposed to drop off the lawnmower for and a couple of people tried to wake him up but they couldn't. They called an  ambulance but the police ended up showing up as well and illegally searched the vehicle and found a substance which you said was a crushed a pain pill.  Tonight when I got home at 6 o'clock he was already asleep and got upset when my son woke him up and then went into the bedroom and went back to sleep. Later after I got the kids in bed  I found a little baggie with a little white mound of substance in it and I'm not sure what it is  but I think it's crack or heroin or something of that sort.  I'm not going to describe the baggy but it had a word and then symbol on it which I've seen in the garage before but I've never thought anything of it until now. I've been lying to his mom this entire time and telling her that he doesn't have a problem and he's not doing anything  besides smoking a little weed every once in a while which I don't like at all.  She asked me all the time because I think she notices something and his mood and actions that maybe I don't see. He has cost me so much and let me in so much debt that I'm having to  file bankruptcy at this point and I'm going to lose my brand-new truck that I just bought last year. I don't know what to do at this point because I know and I feel like it's my fault.  Do I tell his mom so she can help me get him into rehab?  Is it better to just make him go on his own? Does he have to hit rock bottom before he realizes he needs help? I'm so scared I don't know what to do and I don't have anybody to talk to

[Nighthawk61]

Though you may have had something to do with your partners relapse, you were not aware of how your actions could take you both down. Your partner has the responsibility of being honest with your about his disease/ condition. It is his responsibility to go to AA, NA, and have a sponsor from one of these groups, or an Addictions Therapist that he sees regularly and calls when he needs help to avoid the temptation of accepting, or seeking mood altering substances. It sounds like he's in denial as to what he needs to do to keep him clean and sober.for the long run, and that's not your fault. It sounds like his Mom is helping him to stay clean and sober, and i think you need to talk openly with her about the problems. Honestly is definitely the best policy when dealing with addiction. Hopefully this will result in him going to rehab to gain a foothold on his sobriety. It is your job to let him know that there is no other choice for him but to go for Relapse Prevention Treatment, if he's going to be part of your life, and your children's lives. If he is able to care enough, he will, if he's not, he will fall until such a time that he can be honest with himself.  If you intend to be with him after he's again clean and sober, you have to learn how not to enable him. If you're not strong enough to stay strong and committed to doing what it takes to be a good influence, you need to walk away from him. Enablers are an addicts worse nightmare and a cause of continued addiction. As an addict, i can tell you that an addict in recovery will never thank an enabler for making it easy for them to use. Quite the opposite, they will more likely blame you for making it easy for them. I'm sorry that you're facing bankruptcy. Please be strong, you will recover from this. I think a 3 months rehab might be the best option if it's at all possible. My husband and myself are both addicts who got clean and sober together back in '99. We both agreed that if either of us relapsed, we would willingly go to a 3 month Relapse Prevention Rehab... In our case, it was my husband that relapsed, in much the same way as your partner relapsed. We had invited my mother to live with us in her golden years, and he managed to take her oxy's behind her back. When he used the oxy's he acted out as a Paranoid Schitzophrenic and so I had to first have him committed into a Psychiatric Ward for 72 hours. He ended up staying there for a few weeks, to get his medication schedule straight. He was put on Seroquel to help him sleep. Part of the relapse was him looking for a way to deal with lack of sleep. He's on seroquel to this day to help him stay on a healthy sleep schedule. I actually also take Seroquel to sleep at night. It's amazing how much sleep deprivation affects an addict. So first things first. Sleeping properly is a good place to start for an addict. He went to the Relapse Prevention program. Take time apart now, doing the right things, learning what you need to know, and how to carry out your role, and you can both weather this storm. Together or apart. You will both get over this with the right help. He needs to continue to talk to an Addictions Therapist regularly as a sponsor, as well as ideally attended an AA NA group (a free, not for profit system that works for thousands, if not millions of addicts since it's inception.). You don't need an addict too lazy to do the work in your life. So allow yourself to have high expectations.  He's gotten clean and sober before, he can do it again. I'm here anytime you need to talk.

[strongerone]

Probably,
Many of us on this site are living with an addicted loved one on a daily basis. We have lived and feel your pain acutely for a very long time. My loved one is my son who has hit a 9 month clean mark after being addicted to opiates for over 5 years. This is a path we have walked with him and if he had not been my beloved son, I would have given up the fight about 2 years in. The financial toll, though very heavy, was inconsequential compared to the emotional and mental agony of living through the addiction. And now, even though he is clean , I live every day knowing his sobriety could be gone in a heartbeat.
I tell you my situation because I want you to have a perspective on what a long, hard path it becomes.
My recommendation to you is to separate with love. Tell him you can not live in a relationship with an addiction and that he needs to go get the support he needs to clean up and he needs to do it away from your home. You have a child. Your responsibility is to your child first and yourself next. Period. No other discussion.
This man is not equipped to be in a healthy relationship until he has been able to stay clean for at least a year. My son has 9 months clean and I can tell you he is not ready for the complexities of a relationship yet.  
If you know his mother well, tell her that you can't live with him under his current addiction. It sounds as if she already knows he has a serious problem so she won't be surprised to hear that you have to prioritize your life around your child.
It also sounds as if he may be able to go back to his parents home which should make the break up easier on your heart (because he won't be left homeless).
If you think you still llove him I know it won't be easy. but know this: addicts can't participate in a healthy relationship. They use whoever they can use to keep the game going.
Tell him now that you are DONE. And mean it! Tell him to take his things and leave and don't let your sweet heart back down.
If I am being really honest and giving you my best advice and support, I would tell you to RUN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK.
Go live your life and recover from this situation. You deserve better for yourself and your child.