I am about to crack HELP!

[NoMore81410]

I am on day 18 without pills and feel great but I just want to scream. I have come across my first real BUMP! Someone who I was very close to passed away last night and trying to get everything together just brings back the death of my grandfather. On top of that there is an employee at my job who I think is addicted to pills! My heart started racing and I can't do anything about it because of confidentiality! I told the Dr here to quite prescribing to her because she has already been in trouble with the law once on this. He doesn't seem to care and it drives me crazy because I see what it does to a person. I really need some encouragement right now because I am about to blow my lid. I am trying not to have an anxiety attack over this but this is all so new to me still. Thank you for reading!

[lesson_learned]

I know what you mean. I've been clean 28 days, at first I felt really charged, like great actually. Now I am not sure what is sneaking up on me but, I am feeling ever so irritated! Annoyed at things and/or people that never phased me while I was pilled up. Truth be told, I miss it. I miss getting those scripts, I miss taking one and feeling good...I shouldn't feel like this! I even have a therapist! What gives?! I know I shouldn't but I do. I'm craving, and wanting. I shouldn't be feeling like this, I have no idea what is wrong with me. =(

[NoMore81410]

Today I hit my day 20 mark! I feel wonderful mentally but I am so physically tired. It has been a testing week. Last night I was cooking for work and my Husband says "Honey go sit down you look so tired what's wrong" I told him he would not understand because I have been trying to explain to him for 20 days now what's going on with me. I think last night he Finally opened his eyes and caught a glimpse of what I am dealing with. I work 12 hours a day and I am just ready to crash! He got up with me this morning to help me so maybe this is a new change for him and maybe now he can help support me. Anyhoo I am taking walks around our building and my vitamins. I have had some excellent days and then some really bad days. I will push through like I always do because this is just a reminder of not to go back on these things. Oh here is another thing this is scary. I had a dream last night that my mom had all those pills right out in front of me (not that she would) and I just kept looking at them and hearing the voice in my head "oh just take one it will make you feel better" then I looked at it turned around and walked away! Will power in my dream!!! WOW!!!

[NoMore81410]

Thank you everyone for responding. I defiantly do not want to take any because I physically feel great. I am just trying to wrap my mind around all of this with the death and what I discovered today at work. My heart breaks now when I see someone going down the same road I did. I feel much better. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest because no one here understands how dangerous it is for me to be around this stuff.

[PromisedLand]

What Gizzy32 said...trust me...I tried it when my son died.  you've made it this far and that's something to be proud of..don't throw all of that away now..


Jim

[gizzy32]

Congrats on those 18 days clean, that is something to be proud of. I am sorry you lost someone close to you:( Using is not going to make it better, it will only numb you for a short time and things get worse from there. Focus on you and let yourself feel. Using is not an option. Hang in there, we are here to support you:)

[jjbird]

do whatever you need to but dont take any pills. 18 days in you are doing good. and you will only feel guilty if you take something. and like the previous post said you cant control others action but only yours. so remember that take a deep breath or two

[tomskat]

Scream if you need to!!You've been thru a  lot.Rmemeber you can't control others' actions,so leave the other employee to the doctor.You've done all you can.Congrats on your clean time!!!This is a bump,nothing more.You can get thruy this...stay strongTry to occupy yourself (I know sounds easier said than done) it will help the cravings abate.Stay strong and good luck!!Here always..