Am counting down the days until the 5th

[NAUI]

I have been taking Norco, 10 mg since January of this year.  It started when I was stressed out and made up a hip-joint problem.  Actually, there is a real problem, but nothing that justifies my usage.  Since then I have figured out that my general practitioner with approve a refill of 90 tablets ever 3-4 weeks.  I went through my last vial in 14 days and ran out on Sunday at 10 p.m.  Since then I also made up a reason to get another 5 from my father-in-law.   95 pills in 14 days...Jesus, this is my life?

I called in sick today.  Since my wife stays at home I'm hiding at a good friend's house who is in Central America.  My w/d symptom seems to be anxiety and panic.  I can't face my computer at work and my stack of files.  I can't handle the 100+ people who truly depend on me for their freedom (I'm a criminal defense attorney).  I can't handle my wife and 1 year old daughter who depend on me to pay the mortgage.   My depression has also kicked in, so I'm sad about leaving Seattle and my first wife 3 years ago and hopeless about the next 3 years.  I'm just sitting here trying to make it another hour.

F*&k!,  why am I even writing this?

I had intended to ask people advice on how to resist the ability to just refill the prescription.   I ask because I don't know if I can do this.  I don't know how to avoid the faceless Kaiser.com refill website that makes life so much easier.  

I need to put it into words.  I hope that by telling someone, even if they have no idea who I am, that I can somehow solidify my resolve and overcome this.  I hope that by simply knowing that my words are on this website I can just take the first step and not get any more.  

Thanks for listening (reading).  Sorry about the way I write, this is just how I think.

[3grlz'mom]

When you get the depression-type feeling regarding your first wife and old life, it's really important that you know it may well be just the letdown which is the inevitable side effect from your body being used to the narcotic and not getting it.  If you remain drug-free now within a few days you'll think more clearly and you'll find things are not as black as they seem.  One can have a very full and rewarding life yet going through the withdrawl from these narcotics takes you through Doom and Gloom before you are back to thinking normally.    If you have never ordered online, I would never start.  I only received Rx from my Dr. and some from my father if I ran out, but somehow I thought if I ever started getting them that way (or worse) I'd really be headed for trouble.   If you haven't done this yet - don't.  Is the 5th when you can get your refill?  Do yourself a huge favor and get through the next few days and by the 5th you'll see you'll be ok without them.  I had some ativan during w/d which is really helpful w/ the anxiety.  You'll be okay.  Narcotic use has a really big down side, doesn't it?

[lustforallthingspointless]

i don't think your depressed. I think you live in reality. almost all of us can say we go through days where we feel sad, hopeless, hurt, angry, frustrated, anxious, worried... more often then not. whether your an addict or not, we go thru this. 95 pills in 14 days isn't too terribly bad. I have known people who have been through 95 pills in 2 days... so you could be worse. and as i was reading this i can really feel your hurting... but you shouldn't hide from those you love. how is it that we can talk to complete strangers about our deepest darkest dilemmas, but we can't face those we love and cherish most. in all honesty, as hard as it might be, telling your wife shoudl be your first step. she, loving you, will want to help. your going to need her support. your going to want her support and not have to hide. after all a marriage should be based on trust and faith in each other right? if you want to quit, and you don't like the way you live... then do it. the first step is to decide you want to quit and then deciding how to go about it. it will be hard, no lie, but it will be worth it. you need to find the happiness in the small things in life again and not your pills. if given the choice before and someone said would you choose this pill over your family... what would your answer have been? you will be ok. we are all here for support.
i believe you can do it... if you choose to.